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I'll Never Tell

    Anya:
    This is the man
    That I plan to entangle
    Isn't he fine?

    My claim to fame
    Was to maim and to mangle
    Vengeance was mine

    But I'm out of the biz
    The name I made I'll trade for his
    The only trouble is...
    I'll never tell

    Xander:
    She is the one
    She's such wonderful fun
    Such passion and grace

    Warm in the night
    When I'm right in her tight —
    Embrace, tight embrace!

    I'll never let her go
    The love we've known can only grow
    There's just one thing that - no
    I'll never tell

    Xander and Anya:
    'Cause there's nothing to tell

    Anya:
    He snores

    Xander:
    She wheezes

    Anya:
    Say 'housework' and he freezes

    Xander:
    She eats these skeezy cheeses
    That I can't describe

    Anya:
    I talk
    He breezes

    Xander:
    She doesn't know what 'please' is

    Anya:
    His penis got diseases
    From a Chumash tribe

    Xander and Anya:
    The vibe gets kind of scary

    Xander:
    Like she thinks I'm ordinary

    Anya:
    Like it's all just temporary

    Xander:
    Like her toes are kind of hairy

    Xander and Anya:
    But it's all very well
    'Cause god knows, I'll never tell

    Anya:
    When things get rough, he
    Just hides behind his Buffy
    Now look - he's gettin' huffy
    'Cause he knows that I know

    Xander:
    She clings
    She's needy
    She's also really greedy
    She never —

    Anya:
    His eyes are beady

    Xander:
    This is my verse! Hello?
    She —

    (tempo changes, Anya dances)

    Anya: (spoken)
    Look at me! I'm dancin' - crazy!

    (Xander joins in - dance break continues)

    Xander and Anya:
    You know

    Xander:
    You're quite the charmer

    Anya:
    My knight in armor

    Xander:
    You're the cutest of the Scoobies
    With your lips as red as rubies
    And your firm yet supple —
    Tight embrace!

    (dance break - fast then slow)

    Anya:
    He's swell

    Xander:
    She's sweller

    Anya:
    He'll always be my feller

    Xander:
    That's why I'll never tell her
    That I'm petrified

    Anya:
    I've read this tale
    There's wedding, then betrayal
    I know that come the day
    I'll want to run and hide

    Anya and Xander:
    I lied
    I said it's easy
    I've tried
    But there's these fears I can't quell

    Xander:
    Is she looking
    For a pot of gold?

    Anya:
    Will I look good
    When I've gotten old?

    Xander:
    Will our lives become too stressful
    If I'm never that successful?

    Anya:
    When I get so worn and wrinkly
    That I look like David Brinkley?

    Xander:
    Am I crazy?

    Anya:
    Am I dreamin'?

    Xander:
    Am I marrying a demon?

    Xander and Anya:
    We could really raise the beam
    In makin' marriage a hell
    So thank god, I'll never tell
    I swear that I'll never tell

    Xander:
    My lips are sealed

    Anya:
    I take the fifth

    Xander:
    Nothin' to see
    Move it along

    Xander and Anya:
    I'll never...
    Tell!


I'm the Mrs

    Anya: Mr. Xander Harris
    That's what he is to the world outside
    That's the name he carries with pride

    I'm just lately Anya
    Not very much to the world, I know
    All these years with nothing to show

    I've boned a troll
    I've wreaked some wrath
    But on the whole
    I've had no path
    I like to bowl
    I'm good with math
    But who am I?
    Now I reply
    That...

    I'm the Mrs
    I will be his Mrs
    Mrs Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins...
    Harris

    What's the point of loving?
    I mean except for the sweaty part
    What's the point of losing
    Your heart?

    Maybe if you're lucky
    Being a pair makes you twice as tall
    Maybe you're not losing at all

    No need to cover up my heart
    Plus see above, re: sweaty part
    So maybe love is pretty smart
    Then so am I
    I found my guy

    And I'll be Mrs
    I will be his Mrs
    Mrs. Anya Lame-Ass Made-up Maiden Name...
    Harris

    We'll never part
    Not if we can
    And if we start
    Then here's my plan
    I'll show him what bliss is
    Welcome him with kisses
    'Cause this is a Mrs. who misses
    Her man

    He's my Xander and he's awfully swell
    It makes financial sense as well
    Although he can be - I'll never tell
    Just stand aside
    Here comes the bride

    I'll be Mrs
    I will be his Mrs
    I will be...



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