Anya:
This is the man
That I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame
Was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine
But I'm out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is...
I'll never tell
Xander:
She is the one
She's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night
When I'm right in her tight —
Embrace, tight embrace!
I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that - no
I'll never tell
Xander and Anya:
'Cause there's nothing to tell
Anya:
He snores
Xander:
She wheezes
Anya:
Say 'housework' and he freezes
Xander:
She eats these skeezy cheeses
That I can't describe
Anya:
I talk
He breezes
Xander:
She doesn't know what 'please' is
Anya:
His penis got diseases
From a Chumash tribe
Xander and Anya:
The vibe gets kind of scary
Xander:
Like she thinks I'm ordinary
Anya:
Like it's all just temporary
Xander:
Like her toes are kind of hairy
Xander and Anya:
But it's all very well
'Cause god knows, I'll never tell
Anya:
When things get rough, he
Just hides behind his Buffy
Now look - he's gettin' huffy
'Cause he knows that I know
Xander:
She clings
She's needy
She's also really greedy
She never —
Anya:
His eyes are beady
Xander:
This is my verse! Hello?
She —
(tempo changes, Anya dances)
Anya: (spoken)
Look at me! I'm dancin' - crazy!
(Xander joins in - dance break continues)
Xander and Anya:
You know
Xander:
You're quite the charmer
Anya:
My knight in armor
Xander:
You're the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple —
Tight embrace!
(dance break - fast then slow)
Anya:
He's swell
Xander:
She's sweller
Anya:
He'll always be my feller
Xander:
That's why I'll never tell her
That I'm petrified
Anya:
I've read this tale
There's wedding, then betrayal
I know that come the day
I'll want to run and hide
Anya and Xander:
I lied
I said it's easy
I've tried
But there's these fears I can't quell
Xander:
Is she looking
For a pot of gold?
Anya:
Will I look good
When I've gotten old?
Xander:
Will our lives become too stressful
If I'm never that successful?
Anya:
When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley?
Xander:
Am I crazy?
Anya:
Am I dreamin'?
Xander:
Am I marrying a demon?
Xander and Anya:
We could really raise the beam
In makin' marriage a hell
So thank god, I'll never tell
I swear that I'll never tell
Xander:
My lips are sealed
Anya:
I take the fifth
Xander:
Nothin' to see
Move it along
Xander and Anya:
I'll never...
Tell!
Anya: Mr. Xander Harris
That's what he is to the world outside
That's the name he carries with pride
I'm just lately Anya
Not very much to the world, I know
All these years with nothing to show
I've boned a troll
I've wreaked some wrath
But on the whole
I've had no path
I like to bowl
I'm good with math
But who am I?
Now I reply
That...
I'm the Mrs
I will be his Mrs
Mrs Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins...
Harris
What's the point of loving?
I mean except for the sweaty part
What's the point of losing
Your heart?
Maybe if you're lucky
Being a pair makes you twice as tall
Maybe you're not losing at all
No need to cover up my heart
Plus see above, re: sweaty part
So maybe love is pretty smart
Then so am I
I found my guy
And I'll be Mrs
I will be his Mrs
Mrs. Anya Lame-Ass Made-up Maiden Name...
Harris
We'll never part
Not if we can
And if we start
Then here's my plan
I'll show him what bliss is
Welcome him with kisses
'Cause this is a Mrs. who misses
Her man
He's my Xander and he's awfully swell
It makes financial sense as well
Although he can be - I'll never tell
Just stand aside
Here comes the bride
I'll be Mrs
I will be his Mrs
I will be...
I'll Never Tell