Xander: "Dinner is served. And my very own recipe."
Willow: "Ooh, you pushed the button on the microwave that says 'popcorn'?"
Xander: "Actually, I pushed 'defrost,' but, um, Joyce was there in the clinch."

Xander: "Well, we got plenty of vids. And I'm putting in a preemptive bid for 'Apocalypse Now', huh?"
Willow: "Did you get anything less heart-of-darkness-y?"
Xander: "'Apocalypse Now' is a gay romp! It's the feel-good movie of whatever year it was."
Buffy: "What else?"
Xander: "Don't worry. Got plenty of chick-and-British-guy flicks too. These puppies should last us all night."

Xander: "So whatcha been doin'? Doing spells? She does spells with Tara."
Oz: "Yeah, I heard about that."
Willow: "I'm gonna be late."
Xander: "Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell... and then I do a spell by myself."

Buffy: "Ohmigod. The place is packed. Everybody's here! Your whole family's in the front row, and they look really angry."
Willow: "There's a production?"
Harmony: "Oh, somebody's got stage fright."
Willow: "Isn't this the first class?"
Riley: "Well, you showed up late, or you'd have a better part. I'm Cowboy Guy."

Giles: "Acting is not about behaving, it's about hiding. The audience wants to find you, strip you naked, and eat you alive, so hide. Stop that. Now, costumes, sets, um, the things that you, uh, you know, uh, you, um... you hold them, you touch them, uh, use them, um..."
Harmony: "Props?"
Giles: "No".
Riley: "Props?"
Giles: "Yes! It's all about subterfuge. That's very annoying. Now go on out there, lie like dogs, and have a wonderful time. Now, if we can stay in focus, keep our heads, and if Willow can stop stepping on everyone's cues, I know this'll be the best production of 'Death of a Salesman' we've ever done."

Tara: "Things aren't going very well."
Willow: "No! This drama class is just... I think they're really not doing things in the proper way, and now I'm in a play and my whole family's out there, and... why is there a cowboy in 'Death of a Salesman' anyway?"
Tara: "You don't understand yet, do you?"
Willow: "Is there something following me?"
Tara: "Yes."
Willow: "Well, what, uh, what should I do? The, the play's gonna start soon, and I don't even know my lines."
Tara: "The play's already started. That's not the point."

Tara: "Everyone's starting to wonder about you. The real you. If they find out, they'll punish you, I... I can't help you with that."

Buffy: "Play is long over. Why are you still in costume?"
Willow: "Okay, still having to explain wherein this is just my outfit."
Buffy: "Willow, everybody already knows. Take it off."
Willow: "No. No. I need it."
Buffy: "Oh, for god's sake, just take it off. That's better. It's much more realistic."

Anya: "My god, it's like a tragedy."
Oz: "I tried to warn you."
Anya: "It's exactly like a Greek tragedy. There should only be Greeks."
Willow: "My book report. This summer I, I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe."
Xander: "Oh, who cares?"

Xander: "I'm awake. I'm good. Did I miss anything?"
Giles: "Not very much at all really."
Buffy: "Bunch of massacring."
TV Soldier: "We gotta keep going, men. We gotta take that hill.  Damn this war!"
Giles: "I have to say, I really feel that 'Apocalypse Now' is overrated."
Xander: "No, no. It gets better."

Giles: "Oh, I'm beginning to understand this now. It's all about the journey, isn't it?"
Xander: "Well, thanks for making me have to pee."
Buffy: "You don't need any help with that, right?"
Xander: "Got a system."

Xander: "I move pretty fast. You know, a man's always after-"
Joyce: "Conquest?"
Xander: "I'm a conquistador."
Joyce: "You sure it isn't comfort?"
Xander: "I'm a comfortador also."
Joyce: "I do know the difference. I've learned about boys."
Xander: "That's cool about you."
Joyce: "It's very late. Would you like to rest for a while?"
Xander: "Um, yeah. I'd like you. I'm just... gonna go to the bathroom first."
Joyce: "Don't get lost."

Xander: "Hey, there you are".
Buffy: "Are you sure it's us you were looking for?"
Spike: "Giles here is gonna teach me to be a Watcher. Says I got the stuff."
Giles: "Spike's like a son to me."
Xander: "That's good. I was into that for a while, but... I got other stuff goin' on. You gotta have something. Gotta be with movin' forward."
Buffy: "Like a shark."
Xander: "Like a shark with feet and... much less fins."
Spike: "And on land!"
Giles: "Very good!"
Xander: "Buffy, are you sure you wanna play there? It's a pretty big sandbox."
Buffy: "I'm okay.  It's not coming for me yet."
Xander: "I just mean... you can't protect yourself from... some stuff."
Buffy: "I'm way ahead of you, big brother."
Xander: "Brother?"
Giles: "Go on, put your back into it! A Watcher scoffs at gravity."

Anya: "I've been thinking about getting back into vengeance."
Xander: "Is that right?"
Anya: "Well, you know how I miss it. I'm so at loose ends since I quit. I think this is going to be a very big year for vengeance."
Xander: "But... isn't vengeance kind of... vengeful?"
Anya: "You don't want me to have a hobby."
Xander: "Not a vengeance hobby, no! It's dangerous. People can't do anything they want. Society has rules, and borders, and an end zone. It doesn't matter if- Do you mind? I'm talking to my demon."

Snyder: "Where are you from, Harris?"
Xander: "Well, the basement, mostly."
Snyder: "Were you born there?"
Xander: "Possibly."
Snyder: "I walked by your guidance counselor's office one time. A bunch of you were sitting there... waiting to be shepherded. I remember it smelled like dead flowers. Like decay. Then it hit me. The hope of our nation's future is a bunch of mulch".
Xander: "You know, I never got the chance to tell you how glad I was you were eaten by a snake."
Snyder: "Where are you heading?"
Xander: "Well, I'm supposed to meet Tara and Willow. And possibly Buffy's mom."

Xander: "That's not the way out."
Xander's Father: "What the hell is wrong with you? You won't come upstairs? What are you... ashamed of us? Your mother's crying her guts out!"
Xander: "You don't understand."
Xander's Father: "No. You don't understand. The line ends here with us, and you're not gonna change that. You haven't got the heart."

Spike: "I've hired myself out as an attraction."
Giles: "Sideshow freak?"
Spike: "Well, at least it's showbiz."

Giles: "I'm so sorry I'm late. There's a great deal going on. And all at once!"
Willow: "Don't we know it. Only at death's door over here, look at Xander!"
Xander: "Got the sucking chest wound swingin'. I promised Anya I'd be there for her big night. Now I'll probably be pushing up daisies, in the sense of being in the ground underneath them and fertilizing the soil with decomposition."

Anya: "Okay. A man... walks into the office of a doctor.  He's wearing on his head, um... Wait, there's, there's a, there's a duck. Is that right?"
Man in crowd: "You suck!"
Anya: "Quiet! You'll miss the humorous conclusion."

Willow: "Do you know this is your fault?"
Giles: "We have to think of the facts, Willow. I'm very busy. I have a gig myself, you know."
Willow: "Something's after us. It's, uh, like some primal... some animal force."
Giles: "That used to be us."
Xander: "Don't get linear on me now, man."

Giles: (singing) "It's strange, it's not like anything we've faced before. It seems familiar somehow. Of course! The spell we cast with Buffy must have released some primal evil that's come back seeking I'm not sure what... Willow, look through the chronicles for some reference to a warrior beast. I've got to warn Buffy- there's every chance she might be next. Xander, help Willow and try not to bleed on my couch I've just had it steam-cleaned. No, wait..."

Giles: "I know who you are. And I can defeat you... with my intellect. I... can cripple you with my thoughts. Of course, you underestimate me. You couldn't know. You never had a Watcher."

Tara: "You think you know... what's to come... what you are. You haven't even begun."
Buffy: "I think I need to go find the others."
Tara: "Be back before dawn."

Buffy: "Riley? You're back."
Riley: "I never left."
Buffy: "But how did the debriefing go?"
Riley: "I told you not to worry about that. It went great. They made me surgeon general."
Buffy: "Why didn't you come and tell me? We could have celebrated."
Riley: "Oh. We're drawing up a plan for world domination. The key element? Coffeemakers that think."
Buffy: "World domination? I-is that a good?"
Riley: "Baby, we're the government. It's what we do."
Adam: "She's uncomfortable with certain concepts.  It's understandable. Aggression is a natural human tendency. Though you and me come by it another way."
Buffy: "We're not demons."
Adam: "Is that a fact?"
Riley: "Buffy, we've got important work here.  A lot of filing, giving things names."
Buffy: "What was yours?"
Adam: "Before Adam? Not a man among us can remember."

Adam: "This could be trouble."
Riley: "We better make a fort."
Adam: "I'll get some pillows."

Buffy: "I'm never gonna find them here."
Tara: "Of course not. That's the reason you came."
Buffy: "You're not in my dream."
Tara: "I was borrowed. Someone has to speak for her."
Buffy: "Let her speak for herself. That's what's done in polite circles. Why do you follow me?"
Tara: "I don't."
Buffy: "Where are my friends?"
Tara: "You're asking the wrong questions."
Buffy: "Make her speak."
Tara: "I have no speech. No name. I live in the action of death, the blood cry, the penetrating wound. I am destruction. Absolute... alone."
Buffy: "The Slayer."
Tara: "The first."
Buffy: "I am not alone."
Tara: "The Slayer does not walk in this world."
Buffy: "I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you moved out. And I don't sleep on a bed of bones. Now give me back my friends."
First Slayer: "No... friends! Just the kill. We... are... alone!"
Buffy: "That's it. I'm waking up."

Buffy: "Are you quite finished? It's over, okay? I'm going to ignore you, and you're going to go away. You're really gonna have to get over the whole... primal power thing. You're not the source of me. Also, in terms of hair care, you really wanna say, what kind of impression am I making in the workplace? 'Cause-"

Willow: "The First Slayer. Wow."
Xander: "Not big with the socialization."
Willow: "Or the floss."
Giles: "Somehow our joining with... Buffy and... invoking the essence of the, the Slayer's power was an affront to the source of that power."
Buffy: "You know, you could have brought that up to us before we did it."
Giles: "I did. I said there could be dire consequences."
Buffy: "Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast."

Buffy: "Ah... Well, at least you all didn't dream about that guy with the cheese. I don't know where the hell that came from."

Tara: "You think you know... what's to come... what you are. You haven't even begun."