What's My Line? (Part 1)

Xander: "What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark."
Willow: "You're not gonna be young forever."
Xander: "Yes, but I'll always be stupid. Okay, let's not all rush to disagree."

Buffy: "No, Angel, it's not you. You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me. I just get messed sometimes. I wish we could be regular kids."
Angel: "Yeah. I'll never be a kid."
Buffy: "Okay, then a regular kid and her cradle robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend."

What's My Line? (Part 2)

Kendra: "I had good reason to tink you were. Did I not see you kissing a vampire?"
Willow: "Buffy would never do that! Oh. Except for that sometimes you do that. But only with Angel. Right?"

Buffy: "Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?"
Willow: "Is there a T-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool..."

Xander: "I am the bug man, coo coo ka choo."

Bad Eggs

Joyce: "A little responsibility is all I ask. Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?"
Buffy: "Saving the world from vampires?"
Joyce: "I swear, sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head."

Buffy: "I can't do this! I can't take care of things! I killed my Giga Pet. Literally, I sat on it and it broke."

Giles: "I suppose there is a sort of... Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression."
Xander: "I resent that! Or possibly thank you."

Surprise

Angel: "Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?"
Buffy: "I dreamt... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas."
Angel: "See my point?"

Buffy: "This is nice. I like seeing you first thing in the morning."
Angel: "It's bedtime for me."
Buffy: "Well, then I like seeing you at bedtime. Um... Um, heh... Y-you know what I mean."
Angel: "I think so. What do you mean?"
Buffy: "I like seeing you. The part at the end of the night where we say good-bye... It's getting harder."
Angel: "Yeah. It is."

Oz: "I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting."
Willow: "Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes."
Oz: "Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?"
Willow: "Oh! I can't!"
Oz: "Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable."
Willow: "Oh, it's just it's Buffy's birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise party."
Oz: "It's okay."
Willow: "But you could come. If you want to."
Oz: "Well, I don't wanna crash."
Willow: "No, it's fine! Well, you could be m... my date."
Oz: "All right. I'm in."
Willow: "I said 'date'." (to herself)

Giles: "Is everything in order for the party?"
Xander: "Absolutely. You ready to get down, you funky party weasel?"
Giles: "Here comes Buffy. Now remember: discretion is the better part of valor."
Xander: "You coulda just said, 'shh!' God, are all you Brits such drama queens?"

Giles: "If Drusilla is alive, i-i-it could be a fairly... cataclysmic state of affairs."
Xander: "Again, so many words! Couldn't you just say, 'we'd be in trouble'?"
Giles: "Go to class, Xander."
Xander: "Gone. Notice the economy of phrasing: 'gone.' Simple. Direct."

Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered

Xander: "I wish dating was like slaying: you know, simple, direct, stake to the heart, no muss, no fuss."
Buffy: "Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating."
Xander: "Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia."

Xander: "I have a plan: we use me as bait."
Buffy: "You mean make Angel come after you?"
Xander: "No, I mean chop me into little pieces and stick me on hooks for fish to nibble at 'cause it would be more fun than my life."

Xander: "It's time for me to act like a man. And hide."

Xander: "I made a mess, Giles. See, I found out that Amy's into witchcraft, and I was hurt, I guess, so I... made her put the love whammy on Cordy, but it backfired, and now every woman in Sunnydale wants to make me her cuddle monkey, which may sound swell on paper, but..."

Cordelia: "You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are 'cause I'm not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is."

I Only Have Eyes For You

Willow: "Well, maybe you need to date to get in date mode."
Buffy: "I don't think I'm ready for that, Will."
Willow: "You're thinking too much. Maybe you need to be impulsive."
Buffy: "Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, now my boyfriend's gone forever, and the demon that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures."
Willow: "Okay, the Angel thing went badly, I'm on board with that, but that's not your fault. And anyways, love isn't always like that. Love can be... nice!"

Buffy: "I'm telling you, something weird is going on."
Xander: "Something weird is going on. Isn't that our school motto?"
Buffy: "Pretty much. But I don't know. This time it bugs me."
Xander: "I don't wanna poo-poo your wiggins, but a domestic dispute, a little case of chalkboard Tourette's? All sounds like Hellmouth Lite to me."

Willow: "Xander, what happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet?"
Xander: "You're just a big bucket of funny, Will."

Xander: "Oh, no, no. No. No cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was 'I'm dead as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore.'"
Giles: "Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist."
Xander: "I defined something? Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learning."

Dead Man's Party

Xander: "So where were you? Did you go to Belgium?"
Buffy: "Why would I go to Belgium?"
Xander: "I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you? Bel-gium!"

Oz: "We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean, is it a-a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny?"
Cordelia: "What's the difference?"
Oz: "Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny."

Giles: "Unbelievable. 'Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead!' Americans."

Beauty and the Beasts

Xander: "Uh, no worries. I can handle the Oz Full Monty. I mean, not 'handle' handle, like 'hands to flesh' handle."
Willow: "Mm, okay. Well, it's not for you. It's for me, 'cause I'm still getting used to half a Monty."
Xander: "Oh. Good. Half? You and Oz? Which half?"
Willow: "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Xander: "We're doing crime here. You don't sneak up during crime."

Willow: "I mean, this time, it's not your boyfriend who's the cold-blooded... Jelly doughnut?"

Giles: "Our task now is to determine what sort of killer we are dealing with. Clearly, we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal."
Oz: "Present. Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable."

The Wish

Xander: "I've left a few messages. Sixty... Seventy... But you know what really bugs me? Okay, we kissed. It was a mistake. But I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss."
Willow: "Darn tootin'!"
Xander: "And they burst in, rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean, this is really all their fault."
Buffy: "Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic."
Xander: "Mine is much more advanced."

Willow: "Xander, your hand."
Xander: "Oops! Sorry. But why 'oops'? I mean, we always touch digits. It's a friend thing. Comfort. Like chocolate."
Willow: "Maybe it used to be, but since we... It's different. I-I'm sorry. But if I wanna make things right with Oz, my hands, my -- all my stuff -- has to be for him only."

Buffy: "World is what it is. We fight. We die. Wishing doesn't change that."
Giles: "I have to believe in a better world."
Buffy: "Go ahead. I have to live in this one."

Consequences

Buffy: "We help people! It doesn't mean we can do whatever we want."
Faith: "Why not? The guy I offed was no Gandhi. I mean, we just saw he was mixed up in dirty dealings."
Buffy: "Maybe, but what if he was coming to us for help?"
Faith: "What if he was? You're still not seeing the big picture, B. Something made us different. We're warriors. We're built to kill."
Buffy: "To kill demons! But it does not mean that we get to pass judgment on people like we're better than everybody else!"
Faith: "We are better! That's right, better. People need us to survive. In the balance, nobody's gonna cry over some random bystander who got caught in the crossfire."
Buffy: "I am."
Faith: "Well, that's your loss."

Angel: "You and me, Faith, we're a lot alike. Time was, I thought humans existed just to hurt each other. But then I came here. And I found out that there are other types of people. People who genuinely wanted to do right. And they make mistakes. And they fall down. You know, but they keep caring. Keep trying. If you can trust us, Faith, this can all change. You don't have to disappear into the darkness."

The Prom

Anya: "You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millenium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them."
Xander: "Then why you talking to me?"
Anya: "I don't have a date for the prom."
Xander: "Well gosh. I wonder why not. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch?"
Anya: "Men are evil. Will you go with me?"
Xander: "One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which."

Xander: "I myself am dipping into my road trip fund to procure a shiny new tux, so look for me to dazzle."
Giles: "And I myself will be wearing pink taffeta as chenille would not go with my complection. Can we please talk about the Ascension?"

Jonathan: "We have one more award to give out. Is Buffy Summers here tonight? Did she, um... This is actually a new category. First time ever. I guess there were a lot of write-in ballots, and, um, the prom committee asked me to read this. 'We're not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you, but that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you. We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here.'"
Crowd outbursts: "Zombies! Hyena people! Snyder!"
Jonathan: "'But, whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you, or helped by you at one time or another. We're proud to say that the Class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history. And we know at least part of that is because of you. So the senior class, offers its thanks, and gives you, uh, this.' It's from all of us, and it has written here, 'Buffy Summers, Class Protector.'"

Welsey: "Mr. Giles. I'd like your opinion. While the last thing I want to do is muddle bad behavior in front of impressionable youth, I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance would..."
Giles: "For God's sake, man, she's eighteen. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about."
Wesley: "Right, then. Thanks for that."