Proof that Marti likes monkeys... or maybe I'm just insane and having too much fun with episode quotes ;)

  • What's My Line? (Part 2)
    Oz: (pulls out a cookie and stops) Oh, look! Monkey! And he has a little hat. And little pants.
    Willow: (smiles) Yeah, I-I see!
    Oz: The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that?
    Willow smiles brightly.
    Oz: You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen.
    Willow is surprised by the compliment.
    Oz: (continues down the hall) So, I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Like, is the hippo going, 'Hey, man, where are *my* pants? I have my hippo dignity!'
    Willow laughs.
    Oz: And you know the monkey's just, (with a French accent) 'I mock you with my monkey pants!'
    Willow laughs more.
    Oz: And there's a big coup in the zoo.
    Willow: The monkey is French?
    Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?

  • Surprise

    She finds Willow sitting at a table with a large cup of cappuccino and an organ grinder's monkey.
    Willow: (to the monkey) L'hippo a pique' ses pantalons.
    Translation: The hippo stole his pants.
    The monkey on the table with her squeaks. Buffy walks up to the table and looks at Willow curiously. Willow smiles at her and waves. Buffy raises her hand back, but remains confused about the monkey.

  • Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered
    Xander: I made a mess, Giles. See, I found out that Amy's into witchcraft, and I was hurt, I guess, so I... made her put the love whammy on Cordy, but it backfired, and now every woman in Sunnydale wants to make me her cuddle monkey, which may sound swell on paper, but...

  • The Wish
    Cordelia: And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. (smiles, starts to walk away) *And* that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair.

  • Consequences
    Wesley: Yes, hello. Mr. Travers, please. Quentin Travers. (listens) Wesley Wyndam-Pryce calling. (listens, confused) The code word? Monkey. (listens, exasperated) M-o-n-k... Just put him on, will you? This is an emergency.

  • Wild at Heart
    Willow: What does it mean when a girl wants to... You know.
    Xander: If you're doin' it, I think you should be able to say it.
    Willow: Make love.
    Xander: Wild monkey love or tender Sarah Mclachlan love?
    Willow: Any kind. But what if the girl wants to and the guy doesn't? That's a bad sign, right?

  • Buffy vs. Dracula
    XANDER: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!
    Giles, Riley, and Buffy nod and try to look solemn.
    BUFFY: Check. No more butt-monkey.

  • Into the Woods
    ANYA: We have to see the chimp playing hockey! That's hilarious! The ice is so slippery, and, and monkeys are all irrational. We have to see this.
    XANDER: You pick, Dawn. This is your night. We are celebrating your mom's good news.
    Anya looks chastised.
    ANYA: (softly) Go monkey. Choose monkey.

  • Forever
    SPIKE: I liked the lady. Understand, monkey boy? She was decent. (Xander and Willow exchange a look) She didn't put on airs. She always had a nice cuppa for me.

    XANDER: The guy thinks he can put on a big show and con Buffy into being his sex monkey.

  • Villains
    JONATHAN: (quietly) That guy's been looking at me. I think he wants to make me his butt monkey.

    Wait a minute! It's not just Marti (though she has mentioned monkeys more than any of the other writers)

  • Out of My Mind (Rebecca Rand Kirshner)
    ANYA: Oh! Who put the monkey heads near the Styx water? Do we *want* to pick exploded monkey out of our hair? (Picks up a jar and a monkey head, and walks across the room.)

    SPIKE: Little performance anxiety, eh doc? (Takes off his jacket, sits on the operating table) Butterflies in the old belly? Harm, do us a favor. Shoot the nasty butterflies for the good doctor. (Overheiser looks from Harmony to Spike and moves toward the operating table) There you go. It's not so complicated. Just do whatever those Initiative lab monkeys did, only backwards.

  • Blood Ties (Steven DeKnight)
    BEN: Couldn't find any marshmallows. I'll try to steal some for next time.
    DAWN: Don't like 'em anyway.
    BEN: What? Is that even possible?
    DAWN: Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and I-

  • Flooded (Doug Petrie and Jane Espenson)
    ANDREW: Hello! Screen-wipe, new scene. (makes screen-wipe gesture) I had nothing to do with the devil dogs. I trained flying demon monkeys to attack the school play. School play, dude!

    DEMON: Nothing you can offer me will satisfy your debt to me. I don't want your toys, or your spells, flying monkey-demons. (yelling) I want the Slayer dead!

  • Gone (David Fury)
    INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Kick! Use the kick!
    INVISIBLE ANDREW: I tried that, he keeps blocking it with his drunken monkey fist!

    BUFFY: (frowns) Who are you?
    ANDREW: Andrew.
    Buffy shrugs and shakes her head to show her lack of recognition.
    ANDREW: I summoned the flying monkeys that attacked the high school?

  • Dead Things (Steven DeKnight)
    XANDER: Oh! I think I pulled a jive muscle last night.
    WILLOW: (chuckles) The Funky Monkey claims another victim.

    XANDER: Yeah, I'm gonna go bring Anya up to speed on that monkey situation.
    Xander gives Tara a friendly smile as he passes her. She smiles back briefly. Xander goes into the store.
    TARA: (to Willow) There's a monkey problem?
    WILLOW: Only if you don't stretch first.

  • Grave (David Fury)
    DAWN: Maybe we should we go back and help.
    XANDER: Yeah, 'cause I've been such a big help already. Standing around like a monkey while Buffy gets shot. Tara's dead... and Willow... losing...
    DAWN: (annoyed) Well, feeling sorry for yourself isn't helping either, Xander, okay?

  • First Date (Jane Espenson)
    ANDREW: No, get thee behind me. (takes a cross out of his jeans pocket) I rebuke thee. (holds out the cross) Take that, The First!
    JONATHAN/FIRST: (rolls his eyes) Look, you monkey. (walks up to Andrew, sticks out his hand and passes through the cross) Ooh. Ahh. It burns as it ineffectually passes through me. (puts his hand at his side) I'm not corporeal, remember. Also, not a vampire, so—a cross?
    ANDREW: (puts the cross on the counter) What do you want from me, Jonathan slash The First?

  • Chosen (Joss Whedon)
    ANDREW: I just want to say how proud I am to die for this very special cause with you guys. (takes a paper out of his pocket, reads) There's some, um—there's people I'd like to thank, both good and evil. Um, a shout out to my brother Tucker, who gave me the inspiration to summon demons and also—
    ANYA: Nobody cares, you little monkey.