Kaylee: Come on, admit it, it's true.
Simon: No, I won't, because it's not. I use swear words like anybody else.
Kaylee: Oh, really? See, I never heard you. So when is it you do all of this cussin'? After I go to bed, or...
Simon: I swear when it's appropriate.
Kaylee: Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate.
Kaylee: Hey, there, Inara! Heading off for some glamorous romance?
Inara: Lets hope so. See you two tomorrow. Don't let Mal get you into too much trouble while I'm gone.
Kaylee: Bye, now. Have good sex. What?
Kaylee: Now, this would be the perfect time for a swear word.
Simon: What... happened in here?
Jayne: Needed to find some tape.
Simon: So you had to tear my infirmary apart?
Simon: My god -- you're like a trained ape. Without the training.
Mal: Canton don't allow guns in their town.
Jayne: Yes sir. That's why I ain't strapping one to my hip.
Mal: No. That's why you ain't strapping one anywhere.
Jayne: Oh, listen, Mal -- I was in Canton a few years back, I might have made me a few enemies thereabouts.
Simon: Enemies? You? No, how can it be?
Simon: Canton really... stinks.
Mal: That's what makes it such a great drop point. No one comes here that doesn't have to.
Wash: I vote we do this job really, really fast.
Mal: The management here don't take kindly to sight-seers, which is why we're... posing as buyers. There ain't a one of us looks the part more than the good Doctor. I mean, the pretty fits, soft hands, definitely a moneyed individual. All rich and lily-white, pasty all over...
Simon: All right. Fine. I'll go. Just stop describing me.
Mal: You're the boss, boss.
Jayne: He's the boss now? Day keeps getting better and better.
Jayne: Boy's going to get us killed. Let's just do this deal and get.
Mal: His disguise ain't half as funny as yours. Who're you supposed to be, anyway?
Wash: You haven't been here in years, Jayne. You really think you need that getup? No one's going to remember you.
Mal: I think it's possible they might.
Simon: Son of a bitch.
Mal: You want to tell me how come there's a statue of you here looking at me like I owe him something?
Jayne: Wishing I could, Captain.
Mal: No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me?
Jayne: Look, Mal, I got no ruttin' idea. I was here a few years back, like I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lot of scratch from the magistrate up on the hill. But things went way South. I had to hightail it. They don't...put you on a pedestal in town square for that.
Mal: Yeah, except I'm looking at some fair compelling evidence says they do.
Simon: This must be what going mad feels like.
Wash: I think they captured him, though - you know... captured his essence.
Kaylee: Looks sort of angry, don't he?
Wash: That's kinda what I meant.
Jayne: Oh hey, I got an idea. Instead of us hanging around playing art critic till I get pinched by the Man, how's about we move away from this eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our increasingly eerie-ass day, how's that?
Mal: I don't know. This here's a spectacle might warrant a moment's consideration.
Kaylee: Everywhere I go, his eyes keep following me.
Book: What are we up to, sweetheart?
River: Fixing your Bible.
Book: I, um, what?
River: Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics - doesn't make sense.
Book: No, no. You - you can't...
River: So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. 11 inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of 11 11 times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem.
River: We'll have to call it "early quantum state phenomenon." Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat.
Book: Give me that. River, you don't...fix the Bible.
River: It's broken. Doesn't make sense.
Book: It's not about making sense. It's about believing in something and letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It's about faith. You don't fix faith, River. It fixes you.
Jayne: Can't be a statue of me. No reason for it. Flies in the face of every kind of sense.
Mal: Won't argue with that.
Jayne: Mm-hmm. They call it "Mudder's milk." All the protein, vitamins, and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus 15% alcohol.
Wash: It's horrific.
Simon: Well, it worked for the Egyptians.
Jayne: What's that?
Simon: The ancient Egyptians, back on Earth-That-Was. Not so different from the ancestral form of beer they fed the slaves to build their pyramids. It's liquid bread. Kept them from starving and knocked them out at night so they wouldn't be inclined to insurrection.
Kaylee: Wow, Simon. That was so...historical.
Well-Dressed Man: He was a good middleman. Low profile. Didn't filch. Last week, the factory foreman and his prod crew heard he was moving contraband through town. Gave him a peck of trouble for it.
Mal: What kind of peck was that?
Well-Dressed Man: The kind where they hacked off his hands and feet with a machete, rolled him into the bog.
Wash: They peck pretty hard around here.
Jayne: Yeah, Mal?
Mal: You got any light you'd like to shed on this development?
Jayne: No, Mal.
Simon: No. This must be what going mad feels like.
Jayne: Ohhh, I'll be gorrammed. That's where that cash went. I stole that money from Higgins just like the song says, lifted me one of his hovercraft. But I got tagged by anti-aircraft, started losing altitude. Had dump them strongboxes to stay airborne. Oh...60,000, untraceable. And I drop it right square in the middle of mud-farmer central.
Wash: We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm the hero!
Jayne: Captain, now they're off the subject of me, shouldn't we be getting the hell out of here?
Mal: I'd say that's a reasonable request, considering the circumstances.
Jayne: Ruttin' mudders.
Higgins: Inara, allow me to introduce my son, Fess Higgins.
Inara: Hello, Fess. Mr. Higgins, this shuttle is a place of union. I'm sure you can appreciate...
Higgins: What is this? I brought you here to bed my son, not throw him a tea party.
Inara: Sir, the Companion Greeting Ceremony is a ritual with centuries of tradition...
Higgins: My son is 26 years old and he ain't yet a man. Twenty-six. And since he can't find a willin' woman himself...
Inara: Mr. Higgins, you're not allowed here.
Inara: As I've said, this room is a consecrated place of union. Only your son belongs here.
Higgins: Well, I'm...
Inara: Now, why don't you go on, and let us begin our work.
Higgins: Now listen here, young lady...
Inara: Good night, Mr. Higgins.
Simon: You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I reattached a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.
Kaylee: Hamsters is nice.
Simon: To Jayne! The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong-thing.
Kaylee: You are pretty funny.
Simon: And you're pretty... pretty.
Kaylee: What did you just say?
Simon: I just said that you're pretty. Even when you're covered in...engine grease, you're... No, especially, especially when you're covered in engine grease.
Mal: It's time to get out of this nuthouse. Got some planning to work out.
Kaylee: Now, Captain? Things are going so well.
Mal: I suppose. Jayne's certainly feeling better about life, but...
Kaylee: I said, things are going well.
Mal: Oh, "well." Well, I tell you what. Jayne is stuck here with his adoring masses - why don't you and Simon hang around and keep an eye on him for me.
River: They say the snow on the roof was too heavy. They say the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger.
Book: River? Why don't you come out?
River: No! I can't. Too much hair.
Book: Is that it?
Zoe: Hell, yes, Preacher. If I didn't have stuff to get done, I'd be in there with her.
Book: It's the rules of my order. Like the book. It symbolizes...
Zoe: Uh huh. River, honey? He's putting the hair away now.
River: It'll still be there....waiting.
Wash: Did you know that Jayne is a bona fide folk hero? Got a song and everything.
Zoe: What? You been drinking, husband.
Mal: That he has. Don't make it any less the case.
Fess: This whole thing, uh...it, it is embarrassing. My father's right again, I guess. And to have to bring you here, and...
Inara: Your father's not right, Fess. It's not embarrassing to be virgin. It's simply one state of being. As far as bringing me here, Companions choose the people they're to be with very carefully. For example, if your father had asked me to come here for him, I wouldn't have.
Inara: Really, Fess. You're different from him. The more you accept that, the stronger you'll become.
Kaylee: Hey, Captain. Captain!
Simon: Hey... Mal, uh, Mal... No, nuh-nuh-nothing happened. No, there was, uh, there was some drinking, but, uh, we, no we certainly didn't. No, I would never ! Not with Kaylee...
Kaylee: What do you mean, Not with me?
Mal: Yeah, uh-huh. Where's my hero?
Jayne: My love for me now ain't hard to explain... The Hero of Canton... The man they call...ME. Eggs. The living legend needs eggs. Or maybe another milk.
Mal: No, the living legend needs to come with us. He's got a little appearance to make.
Jayne: He does?
Mal: That's right This job here's gone way past long enough.
Jayne: Yeah, all right. Well, you go on now, I've got me important hero-type stuff to do.
Kaylee: Where you going?
Simon: I'm going with you.
Kaylee: Mmm, I don't think so. No, maybe you ought to stay here. It's about the time for a civilized person to have his breakfast. That's the sort of thing would be appropriate, don't you think?
Inara: You're very quiet.
Fess: I'm sorry. I just...I just thought I'd feel... different... after. Aren't I supposed to be a man now?
Inara: A man is just a boy who's old enough to ask that question. Our time together... It's a ritual, a symbol. It means something to your father. I hope it was not entirely forgettable for you.
Fess: No, it was...
Inara: But it doesn't make you a man. You do that yourself.
Jayne: I don't know. You think we should be using my fame to hoodwink folks?
Mal: You better laugh when you say that.
Jayne: No really, Mal, I mean, maybe there's something to this. The Mudders? I think I really made a difference in their lives. You know -- Me, Jayne Cobb.
Mal: I know your name, jackass.
Jayne: You know, they threw a riot on my account? A riot...
Zoe: Is that Jayne? Is that really him? Wash, pinch me, I must be dreaming!
Jayne: Oh hell, I'll pinch you!
Fess: Yeah, my father's ordered me to attend. You see, there's this man, uh...It happened when I was growing up here. He stole a ton of money from my dad, gave it to the poor, to my father's workers. He's become kind of folk hero in Canton.
Inara: Go on
Fess: Well, he's back, apparently. He landed here yesterday.
Inara: Yesterday. Oh, no. I - I know this man. He just has this idiotic sense of nobility, you know? He can never just let things go. He thinks he's this hard-hearted criminal, and he can be unrelenting... but there's a side to him that's just so...
Fess: You mean you actually know Jayne?
Inara: Jayne? Jayne Cobb? You're talking about Jayne Cobb?
Fess: Yes, Jayne Cobb. The Hero of Canton. The only person I ever saw who stood up to my father.
Fess: My dad had him traced back to his ship. He had Port Control put a land-lock on it. Jayne will get back and find out that he's grounded. I sort of hate the idea of his getting caught.
Inara: Yes, that would be bad.
Jayne: Uh...I'm no good with words. Don't...don't use 'em much, myself. But I want to thank you all for being here, and for thinking so much of me... Far as I see it, you people been given the shortest end of the stick ever been offered a human soul in this crap-hill 'verse....But you took that end... well, you took it. And that's... well, I guess that's something.
Kaylee: Wow. That didn't sound half-bad.
Mal: I'm shocked my own self.
Higgins: You did what?!?
Fess: I sent an override to Port Control. Lifted the land-lock on Serenity.
Higgins: I ought to wipe that smile off your head. How dare you defy me?
Fess: You wanted to make a man out of me, Dad. I guess it worked.
Kaylee: You got to be steely. You can't be letting men stomp on you so much.
Simon: It wasn't exactly a plan...
Kaylee: You ain't weak. You couldn't beat them back? Or would that not be appropriate?
Simon: You're never letting go of that, are you?
Kaylee: Well, you confound me some, is all. I mean, you like me well enough, and we get along... and then you go all stiff.
Simon: I'm, I'm not, um, I didn't...
Kaylee: See! You're doing it right now! What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black.
Simon: It means more out here. It's all I have. I mean... My way of being polite, or however it's...well, it's the only way I have of showing you that I like you. I'm showing respect.
Kaylee: So, when we made love last night...
Simon: When we WHAT?
Kaylee: You really are such an easy mark.
Jayne: Don't make no sense. What... Why the hell did that Mudder have to go and do that for, Mal? Jumping in front of that shotgun blast. Hell, there weren't a one of them understood what happened out there. They're probably sticking that statue right back up.
Mal: Most like.
Jayne: I don't know why that eats at me so.
Mal: It's my estimation that...every man ever got a statue made of him, was one kind of sumbitch or another. Ain't about you, Jayne. About what they need.
Jayne: Don't make no sense.