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The Witch Quotes
The Witch Quotes

Giles: This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You are the Slayer! Lives depend upon you! I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this... Cult?
Buffy: You don't like the color?
Giles: I d... Do you, um... Do you ignore everything I say as a, as a rule?
Buffy: No, I believe that's your trick. I told you, I'm trying out for the cheerleading squad!
Giles: You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to destroy vampires, not to... wave pompoms at people. And as the Watcher I forbid it.
Buffy: And you'll be stopping me how?
Giles: Well, I... By appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists.
Buffy: I will still have time to fight the forces of evil, okay? I just wanna have a life, I wanna do something normal. Something safe.

Willow: Giles didn't approve, huh?
Buffy: He totally lost his water. We haven't seen a vampire in over a week. I'd say he should get a girlfriend if he wasn't so old.
Willow: Well, we're behind you.
Xander: People scoff at things like school spirit, but look at these girls giving their all like this! Ooo, stretchy! Where was I?
Willow: You were pretending that seeing scantily clad girls in revealing postures was a spiritual experience.
Xander: Who said I was pretending?

Amy: She trained with Benson. He's one of the best coaches money can buy.
Buffy: They have cheerleading coaches?
Amy: Oh, yeah! Don't you have? I train with my mom, three hours in the morning, three at night.
Buffy: Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide.
Amy: Oh, I know it's hokey. But she's really great.

Xander: So, we have no idea what caused this. That's a comfort.
Giles: But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth! There's a veritable cornucopia of, of fiends and devils and, and ghouls to engage. Pardon me for finding the glass half full.

Buffy: I need to get the skinny on Amber. Find out if she's had any colorful episodes before.
Willow: That means hacking illegally into the school's computer system. At last, something I can do!

Buffy: You guys don't have to get involved.
Xander: What d'ya mean? We're a team! Aren't we a team?
Willow: Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!
Buffy: I just don't like putting you guys in danger.
Xander: Oh, huh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.

Buffy: It was cheerleading.
Joyce: Oh good! I'm glad you're taking that up again, it'll keep you out of trouble.
Buffy: I'm not in trouble.
Joyce: No, not yet. I mean, you stopped cheerleading just before the trouble, so it's good you're going back.

Willow: Hey, Amy! Is she okay?
Buffy: No, she's, she's wiggin' about her mom, big cheer queen back when.
Willow: Yeah, her mom's kinda...
Buffy: ...Nazi like?
Willow: Heil. If she gains an ounce she padlocks the fridge and won't eat anything but broth.
Buffy: So, mommy dearest is really... Mommy Dearest?
Willow: There's a bitter streak. But Amy's nice. We used to hang in Junior High. When her mom would go on a broth kick, Amy'd come over to my house and we'd stuff ourselves with brownies!

Cordelia: I have a dream. It's me on the cheerleading squad, adored by every varsity male as far as the eye can see! We have to achieve our dreams, Amy. Otherwise we... wither and die!
Amy: Look, I'm sorry about...
Cordelia: Shhh! If your supreme klutziness out there today takes me out of the running, you're gonna be so very beyond sorry! Have a nice day.

Xander: Cool! Was she wearin' it? The bracelet, she was wearin' it, right? Pretty much like we're goin' out.
Willow: Except without the hugging or kissing or her knowing about it.
Xander: So I'm just a figure of fun. I should ask her out, right?
Willow: You won't know till you ask.
Xander: That's why you're so cool! You're like a guy! You're my guy friend that knows about girl stuff!
Willow: Oh, great. I'm a guy.

Xander: One of those girls hit me really hard! You should test for steroids. Okay, not only did you make the team, but you, Miss Summers, are the first alternate, and Amy's number three. And what a better way to celebrate than with a romantic drive through...
Willow: Xander, alternates are the ones who didn't make the team, they only fill in if something happens to the ones who did.
Buffy: Excuse me.
Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.

Joyce: Look what I found. It's my yearbook from junior year. Oh, look! There I am.
Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
Joyce: This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?

Joyce: Well, I was thinking. I know the cheerleading thing didn't work out... Maybe you should think about joining the yearbook staff. I did, it was a lot of fun.
Buffy: Not really my tip, mom.
Joyce: I was, uh, photo editor. I got to be on every page, made me look much more popular than I was.
Buffy: And have you seen the kids that do yearbook? Nerds pick on them.
Joyce: Some of the best times I had in school were working on the yearbook!
Buffy: Oh, this just in: I'm not you! I'm into my own thing.
Joyce: Your own thing, whatever it is, got you kicked out of school, and we had to move here to find a decent school that would take you! Honey, uhhh... Uhhh! Great parenting form! Little shaky on the dismount.

Xander: Cordelia, you haven't been mean to me all day. Is it something I've done? Okay, see how she has no clue that I'm even a mammal, much less a human being?
Willow: I see that.
Xander: This is the invisible man syndrome. A blessing in Cordelia's case. A curse in Buffy's.
Willow: You're not invisible to Buffy.
Xander: It's worse! I'm just like a part of the scenery, like an old shoe. Or a rug that you walk on every day but don't even really see it.
Willow: Like a pen that's all chewed up, and you know you should throw it away, but you don't, not 'cause you like it so much, more 'cause you're just used to...
Xander: Will, yeah, that is the point, you don't have to drive it through my head like a railroad spike. I'm gonna take your advice and not beat around the bush.
Willow: Or I could be wrong! Maybe you should beat around the bush more.
Xander: Nah, I gotta be a man and ask her out. Y'know, I gotta stop giving her ID bracelets, uh, subtle innuendoes, taking Polaroids outside of her bedroom window late at night, that last part is a joke to relieve the tension because here she comes. Okay, into battle I go. Would you ask her out for me? No. Man. Me battle. Buffy! Would you like to, uh...

Giles: Witchcraft. Blinding your enemy to disorient and disable them is, it's classic!
Xander: First vampires, now witches. No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale.
Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
Giles: And setting Amber ablaze?
Xander: Yeah, those guys don't hang...
Buffy: They're both cheerleaders.
Giles: Someone doesn't like cheerleading.
Buffy: Or likes it too much.
Willow: Amy!
Buffy: Amy!
Xander: So, you guys are leaning towards Amy?
Buffy: She's desperate to get on that team, and I've got this feeling she'd do just about anything to make her mom's dream come true.
Giles: Uh, let me make sure I have this right. This witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells so that she can become a cheerleader?
Buffy: I think you're underestimating the amount of pressure a parent can lay on you. If you're not a picture perfect carbon copy they tend to wig.

Buffy: Okay, alright, so, you're in high school, you are desperate to make the team and please your mom, so you turn to witchcraft. What's the first thing you're gonna do?
Willow: Check out the books on witchcraft!
Xander: Uh, no! No, that would be the last thing you would do! You don't wanna leave a paper trail. Forget that!
Willow: It'll just take a minute.
Xander: We don't have a minute! Cheerleaders are in danger. Buffy's in danger. You were the first alternate, you are on the team now that Cordelia's out. You could be next. We gotta get you to a safe house.
Willow: Xander...
Xander: Yeah.
Willow: 'Witches: Historic Roots to Modern Practice.' Checked out by Alexander Harris.
Buffy: 'The Pagan Rites', checked out by Alexander...
Xander: Alright, alright, it's not what you think.
Willow: You like to look at the semi-nude engravings?
Xander: Oh, well, uh, I-I guess it is what you think.

Buffy: I just got kicked off the team, didn't I?
Xander: I don't think it was your fault.
Buffy: Hmm, I know you don't, that's 'cause you're my friend. You're my Xander-shaped friend! Do you have any idea why I love you so, Xander?
Willow: We gotta to get her to a...
Xander: Let her speak!
Buffy: I'll tell you! You're not like other boys at all.
Xander: Well...
Buffy: You are totally, and completely one of the girls! I'm that comfy with him.
Xander: That's great.

Xander: Well, how do we reverse the spell?
Giles: Well I, I've been researching that, and, uh, we can reverse all the spells if, um... we can just lay our hands on, on Amy's spell book.
Willow: And if we can't get a hold of it?
Giles: Well, the other way is to cut the witch's head off.
Xander: Show of hands!
Buffy: It's not Amy's fault. She only became a witch to survive her mother.
Xander: Look, I don't care why, I just care that you go on breathing.

Giles: This girl is very sick. Now you will shut up and you will listen to me! Your daughter has access to some very powerful magicks, and somehow your obsession with cheerleading has made...
Catherine: I don't care about cheerleading! It's not my fault she's doing stuff.
Giles: As her mother you should assume some responsibility for her actions.
Catherine: Well, you know, these kids today! I... She's out of her mind. Ever since dad, her dad... left I can't control her.
Giles: You're afraid of her?
Buffy: Amy? Are you Amy?
Giles: I don't understand.
Buffy: She switched! She switched your bodies, didn't she?
Giles: Good Lord!
Buffy: She wanted to relive her glory days.
Catherine: She said I was wasting my youth. So she took it.

Catherine: I didn't know anything about her powers. I mean, when dad was here they would fight and yell and he would... call her a witch and... I mean, I would, just thought he meant... Oh, God, when he left I wanted to go with him. But she wouldn't even let me call. She went crazy, I mean, she'd lock herself upstairs for days, and she was always coming down on me, telling me I didn't deserve to have it so easy, and that I didn't know... how hard it was to be her, and... I guess she showed me, huh?
Buffy: Amy, it's gonna be okay.
Catherine: A few months ago, I woke up in h... her bed! I didn't know where I was, and... then I looked in the mirror...

Joyce: I don't get it.
Buffy: What?
Joyce: I've been doing a lot of thinking about... where you're coming from, how to relate to you... and I've come to a very simple conclusion: I don't get it.
Buffy: I'm inscrutable, huh?
Joyce: You're sixteen. I think there's a, a biological imperative whereby I can't understand you because I'm not sixteen.
Buffy: Do you ever wish you could be sixteen again?
Joyce: Oh, that's a frightful notion. Go through all that again? Not even if it helped me understand you.
Buffy: I love you, mom.
Joyce: I don't get it!

Amy: My dad is so impossible! He doesn't ever want me going anywhere! He wants to spend total quantity time together. And I'm, like, 'Dad, I can go out, it's perfectly safe!' But he's got all this guilt about leaving me with my mom. And he's being a total pain.
Buffy: You're loving it.
Amy: Every single minute.

Cordelia: Hey, I'm really sorry you guys got bumped back to alternate. Hold it, wait... No I'm not!
Amy: Well, I know that I'll miss the intellectual thrill of spelling out words with my arms.
Cordelia: Ooo, these grapes are sour!
Amy: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that you wanted to be on the squad.
Buffy: Oh, hey, that's okay. Cheerleading's just a little too hairy for me these days.
Amy: That's for sure.

Amy: I'm just happy to have my body back. I'm thinking of getting fat.
Buffy: Y'know, I hear that look's in for spring.

The Usual
The Usual

Random Quotage:

Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.
-Buffy (Some Assembly Required)

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