Band Candy

"'And on that tragic day, an era came to its inevitable end.' That's all there is. Are you ready?"
"Hit me."
"Which of the following best expresses the theme of the passage? A) Violence breeds violence, B) All things must end, C)..."
"'B'. I'm going with 'B'. We haven't had 'B' in forever."
"This is the SATs, Buffy, not connect-the-dots. Please pay attention. A low score could seriously harm your chances of getting into college."
"Gee, thanks. That takes the pressure right off."
"This isn't meant to be easy, you know. It's a rite of passage."
"Well, is it too late to join a tribe where they just pierce something or cut something off?"
"Buffy, please concentrate."
"Hmm. I broke my No. 2 pencil. We'll have to do this again sometime."
"C) All systems tend towards chaos."
-Giles and Buffy

"And then I was being chased by an improperly filled-in answer bubble screaming, 'none of the above!'"
"Wow. I hope that wasn't one of your prophecy dreams. Probably not."
-Buffy and Willow

"I hate they make us take that thing. It's totally fascist, and personally, I think it, uh, discriminates against the uninformed."
"Actually, I'm looking forward to it. I do well on standardized tests. What? I can't have layers?"
-Xander and Cordy, talking about the SATs

"Let's do the time warp again."
"Maybe there's a reunion in town or, or a Billy Joel tour or something."
-Buffy and Willow, when lots of Sunnydale adults are partying at The Bronze

"Hey, gang! This place is Fun City, huh?"
"Principal Snyder?"
"Call me Snyder. Just a last name, like... Barbarino. Ooh! I'm so stoked!"
-Principal Snyder and Buffy

"Whoa! There are some foxy ladies here tonight!"
-Snyder

"At first it was fun, you know? They seemed like they were in this really good mood--not like parents--and then..."
"Badness?"
"Mom started borrowing my clothes. There should be an age limit on lycra pants. And Dad, he just locked himself in the bathroom with old copies of Esquire."
-Cordy and Willow

"I don't get this. The candy's supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton, and I don't feel any dif... Never mind."
-Xander

"These children are gonna die if we don't act now, okay, and think clearly. There is no room for mistakes. Besides which... you guys are just wigging me out."
-Buffy, talking to Giles, Snyder, and Joyce

"Hey, Snyder. Heard you had some fun Friday night. Have you come down yet?"
"That's 'Principal Snyder'."
"And that's a big 'yep'."
-Xander and Snyder

"It was just too much to deal with. It was like nothing made sense anymore. The things that I thought I understood were gone. I just felt... so alone."
"Was that the math or the verbal?"
"Mostly the math."
"Well, if you scored low, then you can take them again."
"More SATs? Is there really a point? I could die before I even apply to college."
"And then, you very possibly might not."
"Well, let's just keep hope alive."
-Buffy and Giles

Revelations

"Hey! Speaking of people and things they do that aren't like usual, anyone notice Buffy acting sort of different?"
"Let's see, uh, killing zombies... uh, torching sewer monsters, and... No, that's pretty much the, uh, same old Buffster."
-Willow and Xander

"The fact is, there is talk in the council that you have become a bit too... American."
"Me?"
"Him?"
-Gwendolyn Post, Giles, and Buffy

"That was bracing."
"Interesting lady. Can we kill her?"
"I think the council might frown upon that."
-Giles and Buffy, talking about Gwendolyn Post

"Ugh... It's late. I'm tired. What does he want from us, anyway?"
"The number of a qualified surgeon to remove the British flag from his butt?"
-Willow and Xander, talking about Giles

"You would just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?"
"I don't need an excuse. I think lots of dead people actually constitutes a reason."
"Right. This is all nobility. This has nothing to do with jealousy."
-Buffy and Xander, discussing Angel's return

"I won't remind you that the fate of the world often lies with the Slayer. What would be the point? Nor shall I remind you that you've jeopardized the lives of all that you hold dear by harboring a known murderer. But sadly, I must remind you that Angel tortured me... for hours... for pleasure. You should have told me he was alive. You didn't. You have no respect for me, or the job I perform."
-Giles

"So on a scale of one to a million, how much are you hating me right now?"
"Zero. You were scared, you kept a secret, you know? That's-it-it's okay. I mean, secrets aren't bad. You know, they're normal. They're better than normal. They're good. Secrets are good. Must be a reason why we keep them, right?"
"Yeah, I guess."
-Buffy and Willow

"How'd you like a hit of some real news: Angel's still alive."
"The vampire."
"Back in town. Saw him myself. Toting the popular and famous glove."
"Angel.  Guy like that, with that kind of glove, could kill a whole mess of people."
"Said the same thing to Buffy myself. Weird how she didn't seem to care."
"Buffy knew he was alive.  I can't believe her."
"She says he's clean."
"Yeah, well, I say we can't afford to find out.  I say I deal with this problem right now. I say I slay."
"Can I come?"
-Xander and Faith

Lover's Walk

"This is a nightmare. This is... My world is spinning."
"It's not that bad, Willow, really."
"740? Verbal?! I'm-I'm... pathetic! Illiterate! I'm Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel."
"That's right. And the fact that your 740 verbal closely resembles my combined scores in no way compromises your position as the village idiot."
-Willow and Xander

"That was my sarcastic voice."
"You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice."
"I've been told that."
-Oz and Xander

"1430! Buffy, you kicked ass!  Okay, so academic achievement gets me a little excited."
-Willow, speaking of Buffy's SAT score

"Well, I think this is great! Now you can leave and never come back!  Well, I mean that in a positive way. Get out of Sunnydale. That's a good thing. What kind of moron would ever wanna come back here?"
-Cordelia

"What's this?"
"It's a gift."
"What's the occasion?"
"Pretty much you are."
"It's a little, uh, PEZ witch!"
"It's kind of a theme present. Do you like it?"
"I like... I-I more than like. Oz, this is probably the sweetest... We have to find a little PEZ werewolf, so little PEZ witch can have a boyfriend."
"I don't think they make a werewolf PEZ. You might have to settle for a wacky cartoon dog."
"This is... just so thoughtful."
"Well, I think about you."
"Oh... I don't have anything to give you."
"Yeah, you do."
-Willow and Oz

"I suspect your mother will want to, uh, put it on the refrigerator."
"Yeah. She saw these scores, and her head spun around and exploded."
"I-I've been on the Hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes?"
"Yes. She was happy."
-Giles and Buffy

"Uh! It's a mistake! It's a terrible, fatal mistake. I see that now."
"It's just bowling."
"It's bad bowling. I-it's a double date, with all of us, and they're gonna know!"
"How are they gonna know?"
"It's a very intimate situation. It's all sexy with the smoke and the sweating and the shoe rental..."
"You're turned on by rented shoes?"
"That's not the issue."
"Okay, well, let me ask you this: what are they gonna know? That we're friends. Old, old friends. And maybe we've had one or two indiscretions, but that's all past. Look. We're just very good friends who like to hang out, and can I kiss your earlobe?"
"No! Well, okay. No! PEZ!"
-Willow and Xander

"College, huh?"
"Higher education. Kind of an intense proposition."
"Where do you wanna go?"
"I have no idea. My mom was the one that got all these. She's so excited, she can't stop talking about it. I had a really hard time coming up with an alibi so I could come over here."
"She doesn't know about me."
"Big no. She's having enough trouble dealing with the Slayer issue. I don't think she's ready to process the information that... you and I are friends again. Anyway, I think this college jones is just a reaction to the whole Slayer thing."
"She wants you to get out."
"Someplace a little less Hellmouthy. She has a point. Y'know, but there are reasons to stay, too."
"What are they?"
"Um... you know, there's my Slayer duties, obviously. What do you think I should do?"
"As a friend, I... I think that you should leave.  This is a good opportunity for you."
"Yeah. It's not like there's any great thing keeping me here."
"Thanks for the advice. It's another perspective to consider."
"Where are you going? You just got here. It's early."
"Yeah, well, my mom starts worrying a lot earlier these days. I'll stop by soon."
-Angel and Buffy

"She wouldn't even kill me.  She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?  It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiirt! I caught her on a park bench, making out with a chaos demon!  Have you ever seen a chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting.  She only did it to hurt me. So I said, 'I'm not putting up with this anymore.' And she said, 'Fine!' And I said, 'Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!' And then she said... she said we could still be friends. God, I'm so unhappy!"
-Spike, talking about Drusilla to Willow

"It's Willow. She's nearby."
"What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume."
"She's afraid."
"Oh, my God. Is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing."
"I really agree."
-Oz and Cordy

"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends.  Love isn't brains, children, it's blood... blood screaming inside you to work its will.  I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."
-Spike

"I'm really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man I was, the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again.  Love's a funny thing."
-Spike

"Hey. I was wondering when you were coming."
"I'm not coming back."
"We're not friends. We never were. And I can fool Giles, and I can fool my friends, but I can't fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason. What I want from you I can never have. You don't need me to take care of you anymore. So I'm gonna go."
"I don't accept that."
"You have to."
"How can... There's gotta be some way we can still see each other."
"There is: tell me that you don't love me."
-Angel and Buffy

The Wish

"I've left a few messages. Sixty... Seventy... But you know what really bugs me? Okay, we kissed. It was a mistake. But I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss."
"Darn tootin'!"
"And they burst in, rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean, this is really all their fault."
"Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic."
"Mine is much more advanced."
-Xander, Willow, and Buffy

"Oz, wait. Please?  What I did... When I think that I hurt you..."
"Yeah. You said all this stuff already."
"Right, but... I wanna make it up to you. I mean, if you let me, I wanna try."
"Just... You can leave me alone. I need to figure things out."
"But maybe if we talk about it, we could..."
"Look... I'm sorry this is hard for you. But I told you what I need.  So I can't help feeling like the reason you want to talk is so you can feel better about yourself. That's not my problem."
-Willow and Oz

"Look, you want to do guilt-a-palooza, fine, but I'm done with that. Starting this minute, I'm gonna grab ahold of that crazy little thing called life and let it do its magical little heal-y thing. What's done is done. Let's be in the moment. Behold the beauty that is now. Who's with me?"
"He's actually making sense. We're young and free in America. How dare we be spun by love or the lack of same?"
"Absolutely. I-it's self-indulgent. I-I'm in. I'm on the joy train."
"That didn't work. Who wants chocolate?"
-Xander, Buffy, and Willow

"Xander, your hand."
"Oops! Sorry. But why 'oops'? I mean, we always touch digits. It's a friend thing. Comfort. Like chocolate."
"Maybe it used to be, but since we... It's different. I-I'm sorry. But if I wanna make things right with Oz, my hands, my -- all my stuff -- has to be for him only."
-Willow and Xander

"I never would've looked twice at Xander if Buffy hadn't made him marginally cooler by hanging with him."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I swear! I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale."
"Done."
-Cordy and Anya

"World is what it is. We fight. We die. Wishing doesn't change that."
-Buffy (from the alternate world)

"I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale."
"Done."
"That would be cool! No, wait. I wish Buffy Summers had never been born."
"Done!"
"And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair."
"Done!"
"In fact, I wish all men except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind..."
-Cordy and Anya, only this time Anya has lost her power

Amends

"And then he just bailed. He didn't say anything. He just took off. It was so weird."
"Angel? Weird? What are the odds?"
-Buffy and Xander

"I don't wanna bug Giles. He's still kinda twitchy when it comes to the subject of Angel."
"Well, it must be that whole Angel-killed-his-girlfriend-and-tortured-him thing. Hey, Giles is pretty petty when it comes to stuff like that."
"Xander, enough, okay?"
-Buffy and Xander

"So, you doing anything special?"
"Tree. Nog. Roast beast. Just me and Mom and hopefully an excess of gifts. What are you doing for Christmas?"
"Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everybody worships Santa."
-Xander, Buffy, and Willow

"That's the Christmas spirit."
"Hello, still Jewish. Chanukah spirit, I believe that was? Anyway, forgiveness is pretty much a big theme with me this year, 'cause of the..."
-Xander and Willow

"Okay. The thing is... seeing you with Xander, it was... Well, I never felt that way before... when it wasn't a full moon... but I know you guys have a history."
"But it's a history that's in the past. Well, I-I guess most history is in the past. But it's over."
"Well, I don't know. I don't know that it... ever will be between you two."
"Oz, please believe me."
"This is what I do know: I miss you. Like, every second. Almost like I lost an arm, or worse, a torso. So, I think I'd be willing to... give it a shot."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Do you want us to... to hug now?"
"Yeah, I'm good for that."
-Oz and Willow

"I've been seeing... I've... I've had dreams lately about the past. It's... It's like I'm living it again. It's, it's so vivid, I... I need to know. I need to know why I'm here."
"Here? Back on Earth?"
"I should be in a demon dimension suffering an eternity of torture."
"I don't feel particularly inclined to argue with that."
"But I'm not. I was freed, and I don't understand why."
"Knowing why you were back would give you peace of mind?"
"It might."
"You think that's something you ought to have?  Because, sir, to be blunt, the last time you became complacent about your existence turned out rather badly."
-Angel and Giles

"You're not here."
"I'm always here."
"Leave me alone."
"I can't. You won't let me."
"What do you want?"
"I wanna die in bed surrounded by fat grandchildren, but guess that's off the menu."
"I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? For me? Don't bother. I'm dead. I'm over it.  If you wanna feel sorry for someone, you should feel sorry for yourself. Oh, but I guess you've already got that covered."
"I am sorry... for what I've done. What else can I say to you?"
"I don't wanna make you feel bad.  I just want to show you who you are."
-Angel and Jenny

"Look, I'm aware I haven't been the mostest best friend to you when it comes to the whole Angel thing, and, um, I don't know, maybe I finally got the Chanukah spirit."
-Xander (Yay!!!)

"You ever have that dream where you're in a play, and it's the middle of the play and you really don't know your lines, and you kinda don't know the plot?"
"Well, we're alone, and we're together. I-I just wanted it to be special."
"How special are we talking?"
"Well, you know, we're alone, and we're both mature younger people, and, and so... w-we could... I-I'm ready to... w-with you. We could do that thing. Where are you going?"
"No, I'm not going. Just a dramatic gesture. That's, that's pretty special."
"Oz, I-I wanna be with you. First."
"I think we should sit down again."
"Oz?  I-I'm ready."
"Okay. Well, don't take this the wrong way... but I'm not."
"Are you scared? 'Cause I thought you had..."
"No, I have, but this is different. I mean, you look great. You know, and, and you got the Barry working for you, and, and it's all... good. But when it happens... I want it to be because we both need it to for the same reason. You don't have to prove anything to me."
"I just wanted you to know."
"I know. I get the message."
-Oz and Willow

"I can't do it."
"You have to do it. What else are you good for?"
"Get away from me!"
"Couldn't you just... feel her? Couldn't you almost smell her skin? You never were a fighter, Angel, don't start trying now. Sooner or later you will drink her."
"I'll never hurt her."
"You were born to hurt her. Have you learned nothing? As long as you are alive..."
"Then I'll die."
"You don't have the strength to kill yourself."
"I don't need strength. I just need the sun to rise."
"You're not supposed to die. This isn't the plan. But it'll do."
-Angel and Jenny

"Angel."
"I bet half the kids down there are already awake. Lying in their beds... sneaking downstairs... waiting for day."
"Angel, please. I need for you to get inside. Th-there's only a few minutes left."
"I know. I can smell the sunrise long before it comes."
"I don't have time to explain this. You just have to trust me. That thing that was haunting you..."
"It wasn't haunting me. It was showing me."
"Showing you?"
"What I am."
"Were."
"And ever shall be. I wanted to know why I was back. Now I do."
"You don't know. Some great evil takes credit for bringing you back and you buy it? You just give up?"
"I can't do it again, Buffy. I can't become a killer."
"Then fight it."
"It's too hard."
"Angel, please, you have to get inside."
"It told me to kill you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again."
"I know what it told you. What does it matter?"
"Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care.  Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man."
"You're weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did, it's because it needs you. And that means that you can hurt it."
"Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends. But if you die now, then all that you ever were was a monster."  Angel, please, the sun is coming up!"
"Just go."
"I won't!"
"What, do you think this is simple? You think there's an easy answer? You can never understand what I've done! Now go!"
"You are not staying here. I won't let you!"
"I said LEAVE!  Oh, my God..."
"No! No!"
"Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!"
"What about me? I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I killed you and it didn't help.  And I hate it! I hate that it's so hard... and that you can hurt me so much. I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. I can't."
"Buffy, please. Just this once... let me be strong."
"Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do not expect me to watch. And don't expect me to mourn for you, because..."
-Buffy and Angel, they stop talking because it begins snowing and the sun won't appear for the whole day

Gingerbread

"More bad. She picked last night, of all nights, for a surprise bonding visit."
"God, your mom would actually take the time to do that with you?  That really wasn't the point of the story, was it?"
"No. The point is, she's completely wigging."
-Buffy and Willow, talking about Joyce visiting Buffy during slaying the night before

"Mr. Mayor, you're dead wrong.  This is not a good town. How many of us have, have lost someone who, who just disappeared? Or, or got skinned? Or suffered neck rupture? And how many of us have been too afraid to speak out? I-I was supposed to lead us in a moment of silence, but... silence is this town's disease. For too long we-we've been plagued by unnatural evils. This isn't our town anymore. It belongs to the monsters and, and the witches and the Slayers.  I say it's time for the grownups to take Sunnydale back. I say we start by finding the people who did this and making them pay."
-Joyce's speech at City Hall

"Hey. Is Willow around?"
"How can I convince you people that it's over? You assume because I'm here, she's here, that I somehow mysteriously know where she is."
"Those her books?"
"Yeah. She's in the bathroom."
"But the fact that I know that doesn't change that I have a genuine complaint here. Look. I'm getting sick of the judgment, the  innuendoes. Is a man not innocent until proven guilty?"
"You are guilty. You got illicit smoochies, gonna have to pay the price."
"But I'm talking about the future guilt. Look, everyone expects me to mess up again. Like Oz. I see how he is around me. You know, that steely gaze... that pointed silence."
"'Cause he's usually such a chatterbox."
"No, but it's different now. It's more a verbal nonverbal. He speaks volumes with his eyes."
-Buffy and Xander

"Aw, man, it's Nazi Germany, and I've got Playboys in my locker!"
-Xander, after the police start searching the students' lockers for witch stuff

"I have stuff in my locker. Henbane, hellebore, mandrake root."
"Excuse me. Playboys. Can we turn the sympathy this way?"
-Willow and Xander

"I love the smell of desperate librarian in the morning."
"You get out! And take your marauders with you."
"Oh, my. So fierce.  I suppose I should hear you out. Just how is, um... 'Blood Rites and Sacrifices' appropriate material for a public school library? Chess club branching out?"
"This is not over."
-Snyder and Giles, after Giles' books are confiscated by the police

"Just remember, lift a finger against me, and you'll have to answer to MOO."
"Answer to MOO? Did that sentence just make some sense that I'm not in on?"
"'Mothers Opposed to the Occult.' A powerful new group."
"And who came up with that lame name?"
"That would be the founder. I believe you call her 'Mom'."
-Snyder and Buffy

"Willow, honey, you don't need to act out like this to prove your specialness."
"Mom, I'm not acting out. I'm a witch! I-I can make pencils float. And I can summon the four elements. Okay, two, but four soon.  A-and I'm dating a musician."
"Oh, Willow!"
-Willow's mom, Sheila, and Willow

"I don't want you seeing that Willow anymore. I've spoken with her mother. I had no idea her forays into the occult had gone so far."
"You're the one who ordered the raid on the school today."
"Honey, they opened a few lockers."
"Lockers. First syllable, 'lock'. They're supposed to be private. And they took all of Giles' books away."
"He'll get most of them back. MOO just wants to weed out the offensive material. Everything else will be returned to Mr. Giles soon."
"If we're gonna solve this, we need those books now."
"Sweetie, those books have no place in a public school library. Especially now. Any student can waltz in there and get all sorts of ideas.  Do you understand how that terrifies me?"
"Mom, I hate that these people scared you so much. And I-I know that you're just trying to help, but you have to let me handle this. It's what I do."
"But is it really? I mean, you patrol, you slay... Evil pops up, you undo it. A-a-and that's great! But is Sunnydale getting any better? Are they running out of vampires?"
"I don't think that you run out of..."
"It's not your fault. You don't have a plan. You just react to things. I-i-it's bound to be kind of fruitless."
"Okay, maybe I don't have a plan. Lord knows I don't have lapel buttons..."
"Buffy."
"...and maybe next time that the world is getting sucked into Hell, I won't be able to stop it because the Anti-Hell-Sucking Book isn't on the approved reading list!"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put down..."
"Yeah, well, you did.  It doesn't matter. I have to go. I have to go on one of my pointless patrols and react to some vampires. If that's alright with MOO."
"And nice acronym, Mom."
-Joyce and Buffy

"Is Sunnydale any better than when I first came here?  Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The bad keeps coming back and getting stronger. Like that kid in the story, the boy that stuck his finger in the duck."
"Dike.  It's another word for dam."
"Oh. Okay, that story makes a lot more sense now."
"Buffy, you know, I'm still figuring things out. There's a lot I don't understand. But I do know it's important to keep fighting. I  learned that from you."
"But we never..."
"We never win."
"Not completely."
"We never will. That's not why we fight. We do it 'cause there's things worth fighting for."
-Buffy and Angel

"Session interrupted?  Who said you could interrupt, you stupid, useless fad! No, I said fad. And I'll say it again."
-Giles, talking to a computer

"Uh, wait, wait a minute. Uh... Uh, there is a fringe theory held by a few folklorists that some regional stories have actual, um, very literal antecedents."
"And in some language that's English?"
"Fairy tales are real?"
"Hans and Gre... Hansel and Gretel?"
-Giles, Buffy, and Oz

"Some demons thrive by fostering hatred and, and, uh, persecution amongst the mortal animals. Not by, not by destroying men, but by watching men destroy each other. Now, they feed us our darkest fear and turn peaceful communities into vigilantes."
"Hansel and Gretel run home to tell everyone about the mean old witch."
"And then she and probably dozens of others are persecuted by a righteous mob. It's happened all throughout history. It happened in Salem, not surprisingly."
-Giles and Buffy

"I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go trade my cow in for some beans.  No one else is seeing the funny here."
-Xander

"Cordelia?"
"Took you long enough to wake up. My hand hurts."
"Pity.  Oh... Why are you here?"
"Things are way out of control, Giles. First the thing at school, and then my mom confiscates all of my black clothes and scented candles.  I came over here to tell Buffy to stop this craziness and found you all unconscious... again. How many times have you been knocked out, anyway?  I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma."
"Wake up in a... Oh, never mind.  We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel."
"Now, let's be clear. The brain damage happened before I hit you."
-Giles and Cordy

"You've seen what we can do! Another step and you will all feel my power!"
"What are you gonna do, float a pencil at 'em?"
"It's a really big power!"
"Yes! You will all be turned into vermin. And some of you will be fish! Yeah, you in the back will be fish!"
-Willow and Buffy, after Amy turns herself into a rat