Home sweet homeInfo on episode, cast, characters, quotes, and moreMedia items including galleries, fanart, and comicsFun for everyone in the form of quizzes, a store, Be a Watcher, and columnsSite related items such as banners, links, cliques, etc.ChosenTwo.com

I Robot, You Jane Quotes
I Robot, You Jane Quotes

Giles: Uh, when I've examined it, you can, uh, uh, skim it.
Ms. Calendar: Scan it, Rupert. That's scan it.
Giles: Of course.
Ms. Calendar: Oh, I know, our ways are strange to you, but soon you will join us in the 20th century. With three whole years to spare!
Giles: Ms. Calendar, I'm sure your computer science class is fascinating, but I happen to believe that one can survive in modern society without being a slave to the, um, idiot box.
Ms. Calendar: That's TV. The idiot box is TV. This is the good box!
Giles: I still prefer a good book.

Fritz: The printed page is obsolete. Information isn't bound up anymore. It's an entity. The only reality is virtual. If you're not jacked in, you're not alive.
Ms. Calendar: Thank you, Fritz, for making us all sound like crazy people. Fritz, Fritz comes on a little strong, but he does have a point. You know, for the last two years more e-mail was sent than regular mail.
Giles: Oh...
Ms. Calendar: More digitized information went across phone lines than conversation.
Giles: That is a fact that I regard with genuine horror.
Ms. Calendar: I'll bet it is.

Willow: Xander, you wanna stay and help me?
Xander: Are you kidding?
Willow: Yes, it was a joke I made up.
Xander: Willow, I love you, but bye!

Giles: I'm, I'm just gonna stay and clean up a little. I'll, uh, I'll be back in the middle ages.
Ms. Calendar: Did you ever leave?

Buffy: Talking to...? Okay, that's it, you have a secret, and that's not allowed.
Willow: Why not?
Buffy: 'Cause... there's a rule.
Willow: Well, I sort of met someone.
Buffy: I knew it! This is so important! When did you meet?
Willow: Last week after we did the scanning project in the library.
Buffy: Does he go here? What's his name? Have you kissed him? What's he like?
Willow: No, Malcolm, no, and very nice.
Buffy: You are a thing of evil for not telling me this right away!

Buffy: So, you've been seeing a guy, and you don't know what he looks like? Okay, this is a puzzle. No, wait, I'm good at these. Does it involve a midget and a block of ice?
Willow: I met him online.
Buffy: On line for what? Oh!

Buffy: Will, down girl! Let's focus here, okay? What do you actually know about this guy?
Willow: Oh, see, I knew you'd react like this.
Buffy: Like what? I just wanna make sure you're careful, that's all.

Willow: Why does everything have to be about looks?
Buffy: Not everything, but some stuff is. I mean, what if you guys get really, really intense, and then you find out that he... has... a hairy back?
Willow: Well, no! Uh, he doesn't talk like somebody who would have a hairy back. And anyways, that stuff doesn't matter when you really care about each other. Maybe I'm not his ideal either.
Buffy: Hey, I'm just trying to make sure that he's good enough for you. I think it's great that you met someone.

Xander: Hup, guess who?
Willow: Uh, Xander?
Xander: Yeah, but keep guessing anyway.
Willow: Xander.
Xander: Oh, I can't fool ya, you see right through my petty charade.

Buffy: She certainly looks perky.
Xander: Yeah, color in the cheeks, bounce in the step... I don't like it. It's not healthy. So, are you goin' to the Bronze tonight? Oh, probably not, you probably have some vampire slaying or some lame endeavor like that, don't you? Everyone deserts me.
Buffy: Check out the jealous man!
Xander: What are you talking about?
Buffy: You're jealous.
Xander: Of what?
Buffy: Willow's got a thang, and Xander's left hanging.
Xander: Oh, that's meaningless drivel. I'm not interested in Willow like that.
Buffy: Yeah, but you got used to being the Belle of the Ball.

Xander: I mean, sure he says he's a high school student, but I can say I'm a high school student.
Buffy: You are.
Xander: Okay, but I can also say that I'm an elderly Dutch woman. Get me? I mean, who's to say I'm not if I'm in the elderly Dutch chat room?
Buffy: I get your point! I get your point. Oh, this guy could be anybody. He could be weird, or crazy, or old, or... He could be a circus freak. He's probably a circus freak!
Xander: Yeah. I mean, we read about it all the time. Y'know, people meet on the 'Net, they talk, they get together, have dinner, a show, horrible ax murder.
Buffy: Willow ax murdered by a circus freak... Okay, okay, what do we do? What are we doing? Xander, you get me started! We are totally overreacting!
Xander: But it's fun, isn't it?

Willow: I don't understand why you don't want me to have this. I mean, boys don't chase me around all the time. I thought you'd be happy for me.
Buffy: I just want you to be sure. To meet him face to face. In daylight, in a crowded place with some friends. Y'know, before you become all... obsessive.
Willow: Malcolm and I really care about each other. Big deal if I blow off a couple classes.
Buffy: I thought you said you overslept.
Willow: Malcolm said you wouldn't understand.
Buffy: Malcolm was right.

Buffy: I'm telling you, something is going on. It's not just Willow. Dave, Fritz, they're all wicked jumpy.
Giles: Those boys aren't sparklingly normal as it is.
Buffy: Giles, trust me.
Giles: I-I do! I-I-I really don't know how to advise you. Things involved with a computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such I'd be more in my element.

Giles: What was the name of this place?
Buffy: It said CRD. But, I couldn't get close enough to see what it was.
Xander: Calax Research and Development. It's a computer research lab. Third largest employer in Sunnydale till it closed down last year. What, I can't have information sometimes?
Giles: Well, it-it's just somewhat unprecedented.
Xander: Well, my uncle used to work there. I-in a floor sweeping capacity.

Buffy: Besides, I can just tell something's wrong. My spider sense is tingling.
Giles: Your... spider sense?
Buffy: Pop culture reference. Sorry.

Buffy: Breaking in! Then this is the plan!
Xander: I'm free tonight!
Buffy: Tonight it is!

Ms. Calendar: You're here again? Kids really dig the library, don't cha?
Buffy: We're literary!
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.

Giles: Uh, w-we'll, uh, continue this conversation at another time.
Buffy: I think we're done. Makes our speaking English is good?
Xander: I panicked, okay?

Ms. Calendar: You're a snob!
Giles: I am no such thing.
Ms. Calendar: Oh, you are a big snob. You, you think that knowledge should be kept in these carefully guarded repositories where only a handful of white guys can get at it.
Giles: Nonsense! I simply don't adhere to a, a knee-jerk assumption that because something is new, it's better.
Ms. Calendar: This isn't a fad, Rupert! We are creating a new society here.
Giles: A society in which human interaction is all but obsolete? In which people can be completely manipulated by technology, well, well... Thank you, I'll pass.
Ms. Calendar: Well, ahem, I think you'll be very happy here with your musty, old books.
Giles: These musty old books have a great deal more to say than in any of your... fabulous web pages.

Ms. Calendar: What is it?
Giles: Uh, nothing, um, a, a diary, yes. I imagine that's what it is. Well, it's been so nice talking to you.
Ms. Calendar: We were fighting.
Giles: Must do it again sometime, yes... Bye, now.

Buffy: Tell me the truth: how's my hair?
Xander: It's great! It's your best hair ever!
Giles: Uh, oh, yes.

Giles: And I don't know who could've read that book. It wasn't even in English.
Buffy: Where was it?
Giles: Uh, in a pile with others that were, um, uh, scanned.
Xander: And that released the demon?
Buffy: No, he's not out here. He's in there.
Giles: The scanner read the book. It brought Moloch out as information to be absorbed.
Buffy: He's gone binary on us.
Xander: Okay, for those of us in our studio audience, who are me? You guys are saying that Moloch is in this computer?
Buffy: And every computer connected to it by a modem.
Giles: He's everywhere.

Xander: Are we overreacting? He's in a computer! What can he do?
Buffy: You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How about mess up all the medical equipment in the world?
Giles: Randomize traffic signals.
Buffy: Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles.
Giles: Destroy the world's economy.
Buffy: I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing.
Giles: Right, yours was best.

Giles: Um, thank you for coming. Uh, I need your help. But before that, um, I need you to believe something that, um, you may not want to. Uh, there's, uh... something's got into the, um... i-i-inside, um... There's a demon in the Internet.
Ms. Calendar: I know.

Giles: You already know? How exactly is that?
Ms. Calendar: Come on, there've been portents for days. I mean, power surges, online shutdowns... You should see the bones I've been casting. I knew this would happen sooner or later. I mean, it's probably a, a mischief demon, y'know, like Kelkor, or...
Giles: It's Moloch.
Ms. Calendar: The Corrupter? Oh, boy. I shoulda remembered, I just don't...
Giles: Uh... You don't seem exactly surprised by... Who are you?
Ms. Calendar: I teach computer science at the local high school.
Giles: A profession that hardly lends itself to the casting of bones.
Ms. Calendar: Wrong and wrong, snobby. You think the realm of the mystical is limited to ancient texts and relics? That bad old science made the magic go away? Mm. The divine exists in cyberspace same as out here.
Giles: Are you a witch?
Ms. Calendar: Mm. I don't have that kinda power. 'Technopagan' is the term.

Giles: Couldn't you just stop Moloch by, by entering some computer virus?
Ms. Calendar: You've seen way too many movies. Okay! We're up. You read, I type.

Ms. Calendar: Can't get outta here fast enough, can you?
Giles: Truthfully, I'm even less anxious to be around computers than I used to be.
Ms. Calendar: Well, it was your book that started all the trouble, not a computer. Honestly, what is it about them that bothers you so much?
Giles: The smell.
Ms. Calendar: Computer's don't smell, Rupert.
Giles: I know! Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower or a, a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences... long forgotten. Books smell. Musty and, and, and, and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer, is, uh, it... it has no, no texture, no, no context. It's, it's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then, then the getting of knowledge should be, uh, tangible, it should be, um... smelly.
Ms. Calendar: Well! You really are an old-fashioned boy, aren't you?
Giles: Well, I-I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear.
Ms. Calendar: That's not where I dangle it.

Willow: Malcolm, Moloch... whatever he's called. The one boy that's really liked me, and he's a demon robot. What does that say about me?
Buffy: It doesn't say anything about you.
Willow: I mean, I thought I was really falling...
Buffy: Hey, did you forget? The one boy I've had the hots for since I've moved here turned out to be a vampire.
Xander: Right, and the teacher I had a crush on? Giant praying mantis?
Willow: That's true.
Xander: Yeah, that's life on the Hellmouth.
Buffy: Let's face it: none of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal relationship.
Xander: We're doomed!
Willow: Yeah!

The Usual
The Usual

Random Quotage:

Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny.
-Oz (Dead Man's Party)

Where to Watch:
  Amazon Instant Video


BtVS: The Score CD BtVS: The Score CD

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - The Chosen Collection (Seasons 1-7) BtVS - The Chosen Collection (Seasons 1-7)

This site and its content & graphics are copyright 1999-2015 Anna and Harsh Light Productions. "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" TM and (or copyright) Fox and its related entities. All rights reserved. Any reproduction, duplication or distribution of these materials in any form is expressly prohibited. This web site, its operators and any content on this site relating to "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" are not authorized by Fox. Please read this site's disclaimer.