Willow: So, do you see your dad a lot?
Buffy: Not a whole lot. He's still in L.A. He, like, comes down for weekends sometimes.
Willow: When did they get divorced?
Buffy: Well, it wasn't finalized till last year, but they were separated before that.
Willow: Musta been harsh.
Buffy: Yeah, that's the word you're looking for. I-I mean, they were really good about it around me, anyway, but still...
Willow: My parents don't even bicker. Sometimes they glare. Do you know why your folks split up?
Buffy: I didn't ask. They just stopped getting along. I'm sure I was a really big help, though, with all the slaying and everything. I was in so much trouble. I was a big mess.
Willow: Well, I'm sure that didn't have anything to do with him leaving.
Willow: And he still comes down on weekends.
Cordelia: Hello? Doofus! You're in my light.
Xander: Wendell, what is wrong with you? Don't you know that she is the center of the universe, and the rest of us merely revolve around her?
Cordelia: Why don't you revolve yourselves out of my light?
Willow: Why is she so Evita-like?
Buffy: I think it's the hair.
Willow: It weighs heavy on the cerebral cortex.
Master: Fear is a wonderful thing. It is the most powerful force in the human world. Not love, not hate... Fear! When you were a mortal boy, what did you fear?
Master: Ooo. We are defined by the things we fear. This symbol, these two planks of wood, it confounds me. Suffuses me with mortal dread. But fear is in the mind. Like pain. It can be controlled. If I can face my fear, it cannot master me. Something is happening above. Something new, powerful, psychic force. Do you feel it?
Collin: I feel change.
Master: Change. Yes. For the worse.
Joyce: Honey, a-are you worried your father isn't gonna show?
Buffy: No! N-not really. Should I be?
Joyce: Well, of course, not! I-I-I just, I-I know it's a hard situation. You just have to remember that your father adores you. No more than I do, by the way.
Xander: Oh, the spiders! Willow's been kind of, um, what's the word I'm looking for? Insane about what happened yesterday.
Willow: I don't like spiders, okay? Their furry bodies, and their sticky webs, and what do they need all those legs for anyway? I'll tell you: for crawling across your face in the middle of the night. Ewww! How do they not ruffle you?
Xander: I'm sorry! I'm unruffled by spiders. Now, if a bunch of Nazis crawled all over my face...
Xander: Well, the Hellmouth, the center of mystical convergence, supernatural monsters: been there.
Buffy: Little blase' there, aren't you?
Xander: I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party!
Buffy: Thanks for having confidence in me.
Xander: You da man, Buff!
Buffy: Hey, Giles! Wakey, wakey!
Giles: I was, uh, in the stacks. I got lost.
Xander: Did you find any theories on spiders coming out of books? Big, hairy, crawly... It's funny if you're me.
Wendell: I don't know what to say about that.
Xander: There's nothing to say. You saw two hundred insects, you Gonzoed, anybody would have.
Wendell: They're not insects. They're arachnids.
Xander: They're from the Middle East?
Wendell: Spiders are arachnids. They have eight legs. Insects only have six. Why does everyone make that mistake?
Willow: What do you mean, you love spiders?
Xander: It is platonic, right?
Willow: I'm just saying, Wendell had a dream and then that exact thing happened.
Xander: Which is a fair wiggins, I admit, but do you think that ties in with Laura?
Willow: I dunno. Maybe she dreamed about getting beat up. We should ask Buffy when she gets back from the hospital.
Mother: Oh, there's my little baby!
Punk: Mom, what are you doing here? Mom...
Mother: How's my little pookie?
Punk: Mom, mom, please don't kiss me in front of the guys! It's embarrassing, mom! Please!
Mother: You cute little rascal, you!
Punk: Mom... Thanks, but mom, please, my friends are right here...
Willow: Xander! What happened to your...?!
Xander: I-I-I dunno! I was, uh, dressed a minute ago! It's a dream. It's gotta be a dream. Ow! Wake up. Ow! Gotta wake up.
Giles: I'm having a problem.
Buffy: What is it?
Giles: I-I can't read!
Buffy: What do you mean? You can read, like, three languages.
Giles: Five, actually, on a normal day. Th-the words here don't make any s-sense. I-it's gibberish!
Giles: Uh, the boy's been in a coma for a week. How can this be possible?
Buffy: What, am I knowledge girl now? Explanations are your terrain.
Hank: I came early because there's something I've needed to tell you. About your mother and me. Why we split up.
Buffy: Well, you always told me it was because...
Hank: Uh, I know we always said it was because we'd just grown too far apart.
Buffy: Yeah, isn't that true?
Hank: Well, c'mon, honey, let's, let's sit down. You're old enough now to know the truth.
Buffy: Is there someone else?
Hank: No. No, it was nothing like that.
Buffy: Then what was it?
Hank: It was you.
Hank: Having you. Raising you. Seeing you everyday. I mean, do you have any idea what that's like?
Hank: Gosh, you don't even see what's right in front of your face, do you? Well, big surprise there, all you ever think about is yourself. You get in trouble. You embarrass us with all the crazy stunts you pull, and do I have to go on?
Buffy: No. Please don't.
Hank: You're sullen and... rude and... you're not nearly as bright as I thought you were going to be... Hey, Buffy, let's be honest. Could you stand to live in the same house with a daughter like that?
Buffy: Why are you saying all these things?
Hank: Because they're true. I think that's the least we owe one another. You know, I don't think it's very mature, getting blubbery when I'm just trying to be honest. Speaking of which, I don't really get anything out of these weekends with you. So, what do you say we just don't do them anymore? I sure thought you'd turn out differently.
Xander: Red alert! Where's Buffy?
Giles: Uh, she, she just stepped out. Her, her father came by early. He, he needed to talk to her. W... where are your other clothes?
Xander: Oh, don't I wish I had the answer to that question.
Willow: Xander kinda found himself in front of our class not wearing much of anything.
Xander: Except my underwear.
Willow: Yeah! It was really... bad. It was a bad thing.
Xander: 'Bad thing'? I was naked. 'Bad thing' doesn't cover it.
Willow: Everyone staring? I would hate to have everyone paying attention to me like that.
Xander: With nudity! It's a total nightmare.
Willow: Well, yeah Xander! I-it's your nightmare!
Xander: Except the part with me waking up goin' 'it's all a dream'. It happened.
Willow: Like it happened to Wendell. That thing with the spiders? Wendell had a recurring dream about that.
Giles: I-I dreamt that I got lost in the stacks and I... I couldn't read... Of course!
Xander: Uh, our dreams are coming true?
Giles: Dreams? That would be a musical comedy version of this. Nightmares, our, our nightmares are coming true.
Willow: So, why is this happening?
Xander: Well, that explanation was shorter than usual.
Giles: Buffy doesn't know this is happening. And given the sort of thing that she tends to dream about, it's imperative that we find her.
Xander: Probably faster if we split up to look for her.
Giles: Good idea.
Willow: Oh, uh, faster, but... not really safer.
Cordelia: No! What are you doing! Hey, no! You don't understand! I don't wanna go! I'm not even on the chess team! I swear, I'm not!
Xander: Alright! Someone else's loss is my chocolatey goodness.
Buffy: Did you lose your game last week?
Billy: It was my fault.
Buffy: Why was it your fault?
Billy: I missed a ball and I should have caught it.
Buffy: You missed one ball and the whole game was your fault? What, you were the only one playing? There wasn't eight other people on your team?
Emcee: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are proud to present two of the world's greatest singers!
Director: I hope you're warmed up. It's an ugly crowd out there tonight. All the reviewers showed up.
Emcee: All the way from Firenze, Italy, the one and only Aldo Gianfranco! And all the way from Sunnydale, California, the world's finest soprano, Willow Rosenberg!
Willow: But I... I didn't learn the words!
Xander: I love these bars! A Chocolate Hurricane! These are the best! I haven't had one of these since my... sixth... birthday.
Master: So! This is the Slayer! You're prettier than the last one.
Buffy: This isn't real. Y-you can't be free!
Master: You still don't understand, do you? I am free because you fear it. Because you fear it, the world is crumbling. Your nightmares are made flesh. You have little Billy to thank for that.
Buffy: This is a dream.
Master: A dream is a wish your heart makes. This is real life. Come on, Slayer! What are you afraid of?
Xander: Did you find Buffy?
Willow: I had to sing! Very bad to sing!
Xander: Willow, c'mon. Let's find the others.
Willow: What happened to you?
Xander: Remember my sixth birthday party?
Willow: Oh, yeah! When the clown chased you and you got so scared that you had... Oh!
Xander: You are a lousy clown! Your balloon animals are pathetic! Everyone can make a giraffe! I feel good! I feel liberated!
Giles: You seem to be the only one. Things are getting worse. In a few hours reality will fold completely into the realm of nightmares.
Xander: Whose nightmare is this?
Giles: It's mine. I've failed... in my duty to protect you. I should have been more c... cautious. Taken more time to train you. But you were so gifted. And the evil was so great. I'm sorry...
Buffy: Don't look at me!
Giles: You never told me you dreamt of becoming a vampire.
Buffy: This isn't a dream.
Giles: No. No, it's not. But there's a chance that we can make it go away. This all comes from Billy. Now, if, if we can only wake him up, I believe that the nightmares will stop and reality will shift back into place, but we must do it now! I need you to hold together long enough to help us. Can you do that?
Buffy: Yeah. I think I can.
Giles: Thank you.
Buffy: Well, we better hurry... 'cause I'm getting hungry.
Xander: That is a... joke, right?
Willow: Are you sure everything will go back once he's awake?
Giles: Oh, uh, positive.
Willow: Well, how do we wake Billy up? What if we can't?
Giles: Willow, do shut up.
Buffy: Glad you showed up! You see, I'm having a really bad day.
Ugly Man: Lucky nineteen!
Buffy: Scary! I'll tell you something, though. There are a lot scarier things than you. And I'm one of them.
Buffy: I just can't believe a kiddie league coach would do something like that.
Xander: Well, you obviously haven't played kiddie league. I'm surprised it wasn't one of the parents.
Willow: I'm just glad he's behind bars where he belongs.
Buffy: But that was kinda heroic, Xander, grabbing him and all.
Xander: Well, I just did what anyone else would've. I mean, if you wanna label it heroic...
Willow: Personal question?
Xander: Yeah, shoot!
Willow: When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?
Xander: Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!
Willow: Still dug her, huh?
Xander: I'm sick, I need help.
Willow: Don't I know it.