Never Kill a Boy on the First Date Quotes
Never Kill a Boy on the First Date Quotes
Buffy: We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Buffy, and you're history!
Giles: Poor technique. Prioritizing, sub-par... Execution was adequate, but a bit too bloody for my taste.
Buffy: Giles, don't mention it. It was my pleasure to make the world safe for humanity again.
Giles: I'm not saying that your methods are without merit, it's, uh, y-you're spending too much time and energy. It should simply be: plunge, and move on. Plunge and... Hello.
Buffy: Oh, that's great! I kill 'em, you fence their stuff.
Master: 'And there will be a time of crisis, of worlds hanging in the balance. And in this time shall come the Anointed, the Master's great warrior. And the Slayer will not know him, will not stop him, and he will lead her into Hell.' As it is written, so shall it be. 'Five will die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise. The Brethren of Aurelius shall greet him and usher him to his immortal destiny.' As it is written, so shall it be. 'And one of the brethren shall go out hunting the night before and get himself killed, because he couldn't wait to finish his job before he ate.' Oh, wait. That's not written anywhere. The Anointed will be my greatest weapon against the Slayer! If you fail to bring him to me, if you allow that girl to stop you... Here endeth the lesson.
Giles: That symbol on the ring... I believe it's the rune for fidelity, but, uh, it doesn't connect with any of the sects that I've studied.
Buffy: What about this? On the inside. It's a sun and three stars. Haven't we seen that somewhere?
Giles: Let me see. No, I-I don't think this, um, represents any...
Buffy: Wait, it's right here. Sun and three stars. Yuck, check these guys out. Told you it looked familiar.
Giles: Oh, the Order of Aurelius. Yes, you're right.
Buffy: Ooo, two points for the Slayer, while the Watcher has yet to score!
Giles: What do you want?
Owen: A book?
Buffy: See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things.
Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.
Owen: I lost my Emily. Dickinson. It's dumb, but I like her around. Kind of a security blanket.
Buffy: I have something like that. Well, it's an actual blanket. Uh, and I don't really carry it around anym-more... So! Emily Dickens, huh? She's great!
Buffy: She's good also.
Owen: I didn't think I'd find you here.
Buffy: W... Why not?
Owen: I, I didn't mean... I mean... I think you can read.
Owen: But you don't seem bookwormy. The type of person to lock themselves in a dark room with a lotta musty old books. Oh, and I've offended you.
Buffy: No! No, I'm just surprised you gave any thought to what I'm like.
Owen: You shouldn't be.
Giles: Oh, Emily Dickinson.
Buffy: We're both fans.
Giles: Yes, uh, she's quite a good poet, I mean for a...
Buffy: A girl?
Giles: For an American.
Giles: The Order of Aurelius is a very old and venerated sect. If they're here, it's for a good reason.
Buffy: That was Owen!
Giles: Yes, I remember.
Buffy: Do you have any more copies of Emily Dickinson? I need one.
Giles: Buffy, while the mere fact of you wanting to check out a book would be grounds for a national holiday, I think we should focus on the problem at hand.
Buffy: Right. I'm sorry, you're right. Vampires. Oh. Does this outfit make me look fat?
Willow: Owen Thurman was talking to you?
Buffy: It's all true.
Willow: Wow! He hardly talks to anyone. He's solitary, mysterious... He can brood for forty minutes straight, I've clocked him.
Buffy: He was so nice, it was eerie.
Willow: What did you guys have to talk about?
Buffy: Emily Dickinson.
Willow: He reads Emily Dickinson? He's sensitive, yet manly! Well, wait, you've never even read her. You vixen!
Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Xander: I mean, how'd the laying go? No, I don't mean that either.
Buffy: It went fine, thank you. There's some new hoidy-toidy vampire sect in town.
Willow: That's bad.
Xander: Well, hey, they're bringing in the much needed tourist dollars.
Owen: Let me get that.
Buffy: Thanks! Boy! Cordelia's hips are wider than I thought!
Willow: It's a very big deal!
Buffy: It's not!
Willow: It is. Tell her!
Giles: I'm afraid it's very big.
Willow: Thank you! Wait! What are you talking about?
Giles: What are you talking about?
Buffy and Willow: Boys!
Giles: Yes, well, I'm talking about trouble. A violent and disturbing prophecy is about to be fulfilled.
Giles: You were spot-on about the connection. I've looked at the writings of Aurelius himself, and he, he prophesied that the brethren of his order would come to the Master and bring him the Anointed.
Willow: Who's that?
Giles: Well, I-I don't know exactly, a-a-a-a warrior, but, but it says he will rise from the ashes of the Five on the evening of the thousandth day after the Advent of Septus.
Buffy: Well, we'll be ready whenever it is.
Giles: Which is tonight.
Buffy: Tonight, okay... Not okay! It can't be tonight!
Giles: My calculations are precise.
Buffy: Nuh! They're bad calculations! Bad!
Willow: Buffy has a really important date.
Giles: Alright, I-I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
Buffy: But... Cute guy! Teenager! Post-pubescent fantasies!
Giles: Those will just have to be put on hold! The dark forces are aligning against us, and we have a chance to beat them back. Tonight we go into battle!
Giles: Perhaps I miscalculated.
Buffy: I'm thinking yes.
Giles: Well, you know what they say. Ninety percent of the vampire slaying game is, is waiting.
Buffy: You couldn't have told me that ninety percent ago?
Giles: Oh, very well then. Follow your hormones if you want. But I assume I don't have to warn you about the hazards of becoming personally involved with someone who's unaware of your unique condition.
Buffy: Yeah, yeah, I read the back of the box.
Giles: If your identity as the Slayer is revealed it could put you and all those around you in grave danger.
Buffy: Well, in that case I won't wear my button that says, 'I'm a Slayer. Ask me how!' Good night.
Xander: So you just went home?
Buffy: What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen, 'Sorry I was late, I was sitting in a cemetery with the librarian waiting for a vampire to rise so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass?'
Xander: Or flat tire?
Buffy: I can't take this anymore. I feel like everyone is staring at me, the big, hideous, dateless monster. What? Yeah, that's right, I have no life, c'mon, nothin' to see here, pal, move it along!
Xander: You're acting a little overly, aren't you? I mean, you could have any guy in school.
Buffy: He's not any guy. He's more... Oweny.
Xander: Sure, he's got a certain Owenosity, but that's not hard to find. I mean, a lotta guys read. I can read.
Owen: W-where were you last night?
Buffy: Oh. Well, um, my watch broke and we don't have any clocks in our house and so I didn't know what time it was or even what day it was...
Owen: I thought I was the only one that happened to. How 'bout we try it again for tonight? I'll even lend you my watch.
Buffy: Tonight? Y-you and me?
Owen: Well, we could invite the chess club, but they drink and they start fights...
Buffy: Oh, no, it's just... Well, I... sort of heard that... you and Cordelia were... somewhat... all over each other. A little...
Owen: I danced with her a couple of times. She's kinda grabby.
Buffy: Oh, well, let's see, if I rearrange that, and I push that to n... Sure! Tonight'll work!
Owen: Great! I'll pick you up at seven?
Buffy: Um, seven!
Owen: That's when the little hand's there.
Buffy: Oh! Between the six and the eight.
Owen: Um, I'll see you then!
Buffy: Tonight! Isn't that so?
Buffy: Hey, how's it going?
Giles: Uh, alright.
Buffy: That's great! I see we're still working on that Anointed One problem, that'll probably take you a few days, right? I mean, that's one obscure prophecy...
Giles: Well, yes, there are a few interpretations...
Buffy: So tonight's looking slow, right? Probably best to relax and regroup, no big disasters coming, that is so good, I will see you tomorrow then! Bye!
Giles: She is the strangest girl.
Buffy: Okay, do I wanna appear shy, coy and naive or unrestrained, insatiable and aggressive?
Xander: Uh, y'know, Owen is a little home spun, he probably doesn't like that overly assertive look. Oh, hey, here's something. A nice comfy overcoat and a ski cap! The earflaps will bring out your eyes!
Buffy: Maybe I should mix and match. Okay, guy's opinion. Which one do you think Owen will like better? The red or the peach?
Xander: Oh, you mean for kissing you and then telling all his friends how easy you are so the whole school loses respect for you and then talks behind your back? The red's fine.
Buffy: Thanks. I'll go with the peach.
Willow: So, where's he taking you?
Buffy: Oh, I don't know. Where do you suppose young kids go on dates these days?
Willow: Well, I read somewhere once that sometimes they go to movies.
Buffy: Movies! Interesting!
Willow: And I saw on TV once, a bunch of people our age went to a party.
Buffy: Wow! I never knew being a teenager was so full of possibilities!
Buffy: That's Owen! That's Giles.
Giles: We need to talk.
Buffy: Buffy's not home.
Giles: My calculations may not have been as far off as I thought.
Buffy: 'Five Die in Van Accident'?
Giles: Out of the ashes of five shall rise the one. That's the prophecy. Five people have died!
Buffy: In a car crash.
Giles: I know it doesn't quite follow, but, but it's worth investigating. Look! Among the dead was Andrew Borba, whom the police sought for questioning in a double murder. Now, he may be the Anointed One. The, the bodies have been taken to, to Sunnydale Funeral Home, w-we can...
Buffy: Giles, why do you wanna hurt me?
Giles: You have a date?
Buffy: Yes, but I will return those overdue books by tomorrow.
Giles: Wait, you're not getting off that easily.
Owen: Man, you really care about your work!
Giles: Another date? Don't you ever do anything else?
Buffy: This is the first date! There's never been a date, okay? This is my maiden voyage!
Owen: What, she doesn't like to dance?
Xander: Well, it's a little too late to do anything about that. Uh, you should probably know that Buffy doesn't like to be kissed. Actually she doesn't like to be touched.
Xander: As a matter of fact, don't even look at her.
Buffy: We don't even know if this is anything.
Giles: No, we don't.
Buffy: And I haven't had a day off in a while.
Buffy: And a cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer!
Giles: Buffy, maintaining a normal social life as a Slayer... i-i-is problematic at best.
Buffy: This is the 90's. The 1990's, in point of fact, and I can do both. Clark Kent has a job. I just wanna go on a date.
Giles: Well, I, I suppose it was a fairly slim lead...
Buffy: Thank you, thank you, thank you! And look, I won't go far, okay? If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
Willow: Is something going on?
Giles: Oh, uh, probably not, no. I, uh, I suppose I'll just, uh, go to the funeral home in case, just see if anything comes up.
Willow: This is bad.
Xander: I wish it was just bad.
Willow: We should... go along.
Xander: Yeah, you're right. I don't trust that Owen guy. It's the eyes. Crazy!
Willow: Xander, we should go with Giles! He could get in trouble!
Xander: Oh, he's gone, uh, it's, he's gonna be alright. He's like super librarian, y'know? Everyone forgets, Willow, that knowledge is the ultimate weapon.
Owen: The thing about Emily Dickinson I love is, is she's just so incredibly morbid. A lot of loss, a lot of death... It gets me. With a lot about bees, for some reason.
Buffy: Did she have a tragic and romantic life? With a lotta bees?
Owen: Quiet. Kind of sequestered and uneventful. Which I can really relate to. I... don't get out much.
Buffy: I don't get that.
Owen: It's my fault. I just find most girls pretty frivolous. I mean, there's a lot more important things in life than dating, y'know?
Owen: It's weird.
Buffy: What is?
Owen: You! One minute you're right there. I've got you figured. The next, it's like you're two people.
Buffy: Really? Which one do you like better?
Owen: I'll let you know.
Cordelia: Aren't there laws against this sort of thing? Owen! Look at you, here all alone...
Owen: Cordelia, I'm here with Buffy.
Cordelia: Oh! Okay. Do you wanna dance?
Owen: No, I'm still here with Buffy.
Cordelia: You are so good to help the needy.
Buffy: Cordelia, Owen and I would like to be alone right now, and for that to happen, you would have to go somewhere that's away.
Xander: Look, I hate to state the obvious, but this looks like a job for Buffy?
Giles: Uh, she has her, her... beeping thing! Um, no phone, of course.
Xander: Look, we'll get her, just, uh, hang in there.
Giles: Do hurry.
Cordelia: What a disgusting display. Is that really appropriate behavior in a public forum? I mean, I've never seen a girl throw herself at a guy like that. Uhhh! Ooo! Hello, salty goodness! Pick up the phone, call 911. That boy is gonna need some serious oxygen after I'm through with him.
Angel: What do you know?
Buffy: Prophecy, Anointed One, yada, yada, yada...
Angel: So you know. Fine. I just thought I'd warn you.
Buffy: Warn me? You see that guy over there at the bar? He came here to be with me.
Angel: You're here on a date?
Buffy: Yes! Why is it such a shock to everyone?
Owen: Hey! So. Where do you know Buffy from?
Owen: You work?
Buffy: Uh, excuse me, what are any of you doing here?
Xander: Look, we gotta get to, uh... Uhhhh. We thought it'd be fun if, uh, we made this a double date!
Buffy: I didn't know you guys were seeing each other.
Willow: Oh, yeah, well, we knew it would happen eventually, so we figured, hey! Why fight it?
Owen: And you guys are thinking double?
Xander: 'Cause of... the fun!
Xander: Hey, maybe we should all go somewhere together.
Buffy: Gee, that's so nice of you to ask, but Owen and I were, well, sort of... Owen and I.
Xander: You know what'd be cool? The Sunnydale Funeral Home!
Willow: I've always wanted to go there!
Buffy: The funeral home?
Owen: Actually, that sounds kinda cool! Do you think we could all sneak in?
Xander: We saw some guys in there before. They seemed to be having fun!
Buffy: Bite me!
Owen: Buffy... What's the deal? Do you wanna bail on me?
Buffy: No! No... no... uh... You remember when you said I was like two different people? Well, one of them has to go. But the other one is having a really, really good time, and will come back. I promise.
Owen: She's the strangest girl!
Buffy: What happened?
Giles: Uh, two more of the brethren came in here. They came after me. But I was more than a match for them.
Giles: I hid. Uh, this, uh, chap was good enough to bunk with me till they went away.
Buffy: Okay, I just need to get Owen and the others out of harm's way first.
Giles: Owen? You brought a date?
Buffy: I didn't bring him, he came.
Giles: Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time.
Buffy: I know. I'll get rid of him.
Buffy: I know. Here... I'm sure this isn't exactly what you had in mind for our first date.
Owen: Yeah! I was hoping maybe we'd finish at Ben & Jerry's.
Buffy: I knew it. I totally blew it last night!
Xander: No, see, what you need is a guy who already knows your deepest, darkest secrets and still says, 'Hey! I like that girl!' Someone like...
Owen: I don't really know how to say this, but... about last night...
Buffy: You don't even have to. I'm sure you were pretty freaked out.
Owen: Totally. And... I was wondering when I could see you again.
Buffy: Um, that was my hopeful ear. Could you repeat that?
Owen: I think you're the coolest!
Owen: I mean, last night was incredible! I never thought nearly getting killed would make me feel so... alive!
Buffy: So that's why you wanna be with me.
Owen: Oh, absolutely! When can we do something like that again?
Buffy: Something like...
Owen: Like, walk downtown at three in the morning, a-and pick a fight in a bar. How about tonight?
Buffy: Tonight would... be... not a workable thing. Did I just say that?
Owen: Tomorrow, then. I-I'm free any night this week.
Buffy: I'm not. Please don't take this personally. It's not you, it's me.
Giles: I was ten years old when my father told me I was destined to be a Watcher. He was one, and his, uh, mother before him, and I was to be next.
Buffy: Were you thrilled beyond all measure?
Giles: No, I had very definite plans about my future. I was going to be a fighter pilot. Or possibly a grocer. Well, uh... My father gave me a very tiresome speech about, uh, responsibility and sacrifice.
Buffy: Sacrifice, huh?
Giles: Seems like a nice lad.
Buffy: Yeah. But he wants to be danger man. You, Xander, Willow, you guys... you guys know the score, you're careful. Two days in my world and Owen really would get himself killed. Or I'd get him killed. Or someone else.
Giles: I have volumes of lore, of prophecies, of predictions. But I don't have an instruction manual. We feel our way as we go along. And, I must say, as a Slayer, you're, you're doing... pretty well.
Buffy: Well. At least I did stop that prophecy thing from coming true.
Giles: You did! Handily. No more Anointed One. And I would imagine the Master, wherever he is, is having a fairly bad day himself.
Master: 'And in this time will come the Anointed. And the Slayer will not know him. She will not stop him, and he will lead her into hell.' Welcome, my friend.