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Killed by Death Quotes
Killed by Death Quotes

Xander: Man, Buffy! My whole life just flashed before my eyes! I gotta get me a life!

Willow: What are you doing here? Buffy: Well, I'm patrolling! Willow: Buffy, you're sick. Buffy: No, I feel fine. I mean, I'm... the world's spinning a little bit, but I like it, it's kinda like a ride. Cordelia: Half the school's out with this flu. It's a serious deal, Buffy. We're all concerned about how gross you look. Buffy: I'm touched. Really. But I have work to Willow: Buffy, come on, one night of rest is not gonna kill you. Buffy: No, but it might kill somebody else. Xander: You mean Angel might. Buffy, this is not the time to challenge Angel for the ultimate fighting championship. He's at full strength, you're only half a Slayer. Buffy: Yeah, but I'm still the Slayer. And as long as I am, Angel's not gonna kill anybody else. Angelus: Aw, c'mon. Just one more.

Buffy: Giles, tell them!
Orderly: I got her.
Buffy: The vampires! I need to kill the vampires!
Dr. Wilkinson: This'll help you relax.
Buffy: Ow! No!
Xander: It's gotta be the fever.
Willow: Yeah, it made her delusional.
Buffy: They're out there!
Giles: Yes, uh, well, we'll, uh, we'll get those, uh, vampires later. I hear it's best t-to play along.

Xander: That was a new experience. I'm not used to seeing Buffy scared like that.
Joyce: Yeah, she just hates hospitals. Ever since she was a little girl.
Willow: What happened?
Joyce: When she was eight her cousin Celia died in a hospital. Buffy was alone with her at the time.
Cordelia: Yuk!
Joyce: Yeah, they were very close.

Joyce: Thank you for coming. I-I really appreciate the way you look out for her.
Giles: Oh...
Joyce: All of you.
Giles: Well, we're, uh, we're very fond of her. The, uh, the telephone.
Joyce: I, I... I hope I'm not out of line, but... I-I-I wanted to say how sorry I am about, uh, that teacher, Ms. Calendar. Buffy said you were close.
Giles: Oh, uh... Thank you.
Joyce: Buffy's been so down since it happened. I mean, she never gets sick.
Giles: Well, I'm sure she'll be, uh... She'll be fine.
Joyce: I'm sorry, I, I babble when I'm nervous, I just wanted to... Well, if, if you need anything...
Giles: Thank you. Thank you.

Xander: Do you think she's gonna be okay in here?
Cordelia: I don't know, Lysette got her nose done here, and she came in looking for the Gwyneth Paltrow, and it looked more like the Mr. Potatohead.
Xander: Cordy...
Willow: Buffy's not here for cosmetic surgery.
Cordelia: No, but while she's in here, she might as well get that thing done. You know, that thing on her face? You know that thing.
Willow: Do you think Angel will attack Buffy in here?
Xander: He can come in, it's a public building.
Willow: That's true.
Cordelia: Am I the only one that's noticed that thing?

Xander: Visiting hours are over.
Angelus: Well, I'm pretty much family.
Xander: Yeah. Why don't you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess you can't.
Angelus: If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you think for one microsecond that you could stop me?
Xander: Maybe not. Maybe that security guard couldn't either. Or those cops... or the orderlies... But I'm kinda curious to find out. You game?
Angelus: Buffy's White Knight. You still love her. It must just eat you up that I got there first.
Xander: You're gonna die. And I'm gonna be there.

Xander: Flowers for milady.
Buffy: I think they call those balloons.
Xander: Yeah, stick 'em in water, maybe they'll grow.
Willow: Not to be outdone...
Buffy: Homework!
Willow: It's my way of saying, 'get well soon'.
Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better.
Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
Buffy: Chocolate means nothing to me.

Buffy: Yeah, but I thought I saw something. I'm not sure, I was really out of it, but...
Cordelia: But you do know that you saw death.
Willow: Did it have an hourglass?
Xander: Ooo, if he asks you to play chess, don't even do it. The guy's, like, a whiz.
Buffy: Maybe it wasn't death. Maybe it was something else.
Cordelia: So this isn't about you being afraid of hospitals 'cause your friend died and you wanna conjure up a monster that you can fight so you can save everybody and not feel so helpless?
Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.

Cordelia: This is what happens when you're compassionate towards sick people. They take advantage of you.
Xander: Uh-huh. Buffy almost died just to put you out.
Cordelia: I didn't wanna be the first one to say it.

Xander: Could you make just a little more with the touchy-gropey?
Cordelia: Jealous?
Xander: Of Rogaine boy? I don't think so. Here, take this to Giles, okay?
Cordelia: What about you?
Xander: I'm gonna stay here.
Cordelia: Oh, right. Your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not?
Xander: Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, I've seen you watch her back.
Xander: What is that supposed to mean?
Cordelia: Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for 'looking at her butt.' You know, sort of a pun.
Xander: Oh! Right. Hey!
Cordelia: Well, you do.
Xander: Jealous?
Cordelia: Fine. Watch my back.

Willow: Oh, yeah, I'm good at medical stuff since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, uh, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
Buffy: I never have.

Xander: I'm on sentry duty. Angel won't show till sundown if at all, but maybe I'll get lucky with this death guy.
Cordelia: He's invisible.
Xander: Yeah, but if I see a floating pipe and a smoking jacket, he's dropped.

Xander: Finding out who this thing is takes priority. Cordy, you should go with Giles.
Giles: Why do I have to have... Uh, good thinking. I-I-I could do with a research assistant.
Cordelia: Let's go, tact-guy.

Cordelia: Eww, what does this do?
Giles: What?
Cordelia: What does this do?
Giles: Uh, it, uh, extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells.
Cordelia: Wow! What does this one do?
Giles: Um, i-it elongates its mouth to, uh, engulf its victim's head with its incisors.
Cordelia: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do?
Giles: It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done.
Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything.

Cordelia: It's called Der Kindestod.
Buffy: Who is this?
Cordelia: It's me. I've got your monster!
Buffy: Where's Giles?
Cordelia: Looking up stuff.
Buffy: Well, can you put him on?
Cordelia: Hey! I found your guy, okay? Just listen.
Buffy: Right.
Cordelia: The name means 'child death'. This book says that he feeds off of children by sucking the life out of them. Eew! But anyway, afterwards, it looks like they died because they were sick.

Giles: I found a picture of how it kills. Let me talk to her.
Cordelia: Oh! Eww!
Buffy: What?
Cordelia: Oh! Uh, you should see this thing! The way it does its thing, I mean, eww! Why do I let you guys drag me into this stuff?
Giles: Uh, uh, Buffy? Are you, are you still there?
Buffy: Hanging on every eww.

Willow: Buffy!
Buffy: Willow, I'm going to do this.
Willow: Buffy, that's 100% pure. It'll kill you in an instant.
Buffy: Oh. They really should put that on the label.

Willow: Frogs! Frogs! Get 'em off of me! Oh, my God, frogs! Get them off of me! Please, help! Get 'em off! FROGS! Frogs! Oh, my God, horrible frogs! Get 'em...
Dr. Wilkinson: Not her, the other one!
Willow: No more frogs!

Xander: You don't know how to kill this thing.
Buffy: I thought I might try violence.
Xander: Solid call.

Xander: He's dead right? I mean, I heard something snap.
Buffy: That would be his neck.
Xander: You're not gonna yak on me, are ya?

Joyce: Here you go, honey. Peanut butter and jelly, without the crust, just the way you like it.
Buffy: And the juice?
Joyce: Two parts orange, one part grapefruit.
Buffy: That's my drink.
Joyce: I measured it exactly.
Buffy: Oh, mom?
Joyce: Mm-hm?
Buffy: I wanted crunchy peanut butter.
Joyce: Oh, sorry.
Buffy: A-and I said extra jelly.
Joyce: Anything to help my daughter get well.
Willow: Oh, and while you're up, could I get a refill? It's just I'm so comfortable.
Joyce: Of course.
Willow: Thanks.
Xander: Oh, oh, oh, and another bag of cheesy chips.
Joyce: Uh, you ate the last one.
Xander: No, there's another bag hidden behind the raisins.
Joyce: I'm on it.
Xander: Your mom's tryin' to Bogart the cheesy chips. What's that all about?

The Usual
The Usual

Random Quotage:

That's insane troll logic.
-Xander (Triangle)

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