Buffy: "Giles, you don't have to help. You cooked."
Giles: "Oh, come on, I quite like to cook. Helping you two out makes me feel useful."
Dawn: "Wanna clean out the garage on Saturday? You can feel indispensable."
Giles: "Hmm, how tempting."
Buffy: "Dawn, if there are any plates in your room, let's have them before they get furry and we have to name
Dawn: "Hey, I was like five then."
Buffy: "Training. Slaying. All of it. It's just... I mean... I can beat up the demons until the cows come home. And
then I can beat up the cows... but I'm not sure I like what it's doing to me."
Giles: "But you've mastered so much. I mean, your strength and resilience alone-"
Buffy: "Yeah. Strength, resilience... those are all words for hardness. I'm starting to feel like... being the
Slayer is turning me into stone."
Giles: "Turning you into stone? Buffy-"
Buffy: "Just ... think about it. I was never there for Riley, not like I was for Angel. I was terrible to Dawn."
Giles: "At a time like this-"
Giles: "You're bound to feel emotionally numb."
Buffy: "Before that. Riley left because I was shut down. He's gone. And now my mom is gone... and I loved her
more than anything... and... I don't know if she knew."
Giles: "Oh, she knew. Always."
Buffy: "I love you, Dawn. You know that, right?"
Dawn: "Yeah. I love you too."
Buffy: "I love you... really love you."
Dawn: "Gettin' weird."
Buffy: "Sorry. But it's important that I tell you. Weird love's better than no love."
Spike: "Wait. I'm not sure I'm a satisfied customer. She looks a little shiny to me, you know, uh... touch of plasticine..."
BuffyBot: "Spike? Oh, Spike!"
Spike: "She'll do."
Buffy: "A guide but no food or water. So it leads me to the sacred place, and then a week later it leads you to my
Giles: "Buffy, please. It takes more than a week to bleach bones."
Buffy: "So, how's it start?"
Giles: "I, uh, jump out of the circle and then jump back in it, and then, um... I shake my gourd."
Buffy: "I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves
Giles: "Go quest."
Buffy: "And that's what it's all about."
BuffyBot: "I, I wanna hurt you, but I can't resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body."
Spike: "Maybe I should repay you for your gentleness. Maybe I should let you go."
BuffyBot: "No! No, Spike. Never let me go."
Spike: "You know you should be afraid of me. I'm bad."
BuffyBot: "You are. You're very, very bad."
Anya: "I don't see why we have to patrol just 'cause Buffy's away. I'd rather stay
home and watch television."
Tara: "Oh yeah, Willow wants to watch this thing on the history channel tonight, Salem Witch Trial stuff, which is only gonna get her all upset."
Anya: "Oh, I was there, it really wasn't that bad. See, if you were really a witch, you could do a spell to escape...
so really it was only bad for the falsely accused, and, well, they never have a good time."
Willow: "It's got last week's notes too. Just get it back to me by Thursday. And, uh,
don't write in it or, or, uh, put a coffee mug down on it, or anything. And, and, just don't
spill. Okay. Oh, oh, and don't fold the page corners down. Bye!"
BuffyBot: "Time to slay."
BuffyBot: "Vampires of the world, beware."
BuffyBot: "Anya! How is your money?"
Anya: "Fine. Thank you for asking."
Xander: "Buffy's gone insane."
Willow: "What? What'd she do?"
Xander: "Brace yourself. You're not gonna believe it."
Tara: "Everyone, before we jump all over her, people do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost
my mother, I-I did some pretty dumb stuff, like lying to my family and staying out all night."
Anya: "Buffy's boinking Spike."
Willow: "Oh... well, Ta-Tara's right. Grief can be powerful, and we shouldn't judge-"
Tara: "What are you, kidding? She's nuts!"
Tara: "What can we do?"
Anya: "Sometimes in the movies when they go crazy they slap 'em."
Xander: "I'm gonna go find her and talk to her. If she's losing it, we gotta help her before she gets herself hurt."
Tara: "You aren't really gonna slap her, are you?"
Xander: "No, but if I have to see her straddle Spike again, I will definitely knock myself unconscious."
Xander: "I saw you... in the cemetery with Buffy."
Spike: "Yeah? Can't see how it's any business of yours."
Xander: "It is my business because Buffy's my friend... and she's gone through some stuff lately that... well, it's
affected her, and you're taking advantage of her."
Spike: "She's upset about her mum. And if she turns to me for comfort, well, I'm not
gonna deny it to her. I'm not a monster."
Xander: "Yes. You are a monster. Vampires are monsters. They make monster movies about them."
Spike: "Well, yeah, you got me there."
First Slayer: "You think you're losing your ability to love."
Buffy: "I-I didn't say that... Yeah."
First Slayer: "You're afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity."
Buffy: "Does it?"
First Slayer: "You are full of love. You love with all of your soul. It's brighter than the fire... blinding. That's
why you pull away from it."
Buffy: "I'm full of love? I'm not losing it?"
First Slayer: "Only if you reject it. Love is pain, and the Slayer forges strength from pain. Love... give...
forgive. Risk the pain. It is your nature. Love will bring you to your gift."
Willow: "Um... Buffy, this thing with Spike, i-i-it isn't true, is it? You didn't, you know, sleep with Spike?"
BuffyBot: "No. I had sex with Spike. I'm sorry if it bothers you. You're my best friend."
Willow: "I-I am. And I, I always will be, no matter what you do. I, I'm just trying to figure out why this happened,
and I, I think with... your mom and everything... everyone was being all sympathetic, and, and making you feel
weak. A-and Spike wasn't like that. So, just this one time, you just... did something kinda... crazy."
BuffyBot: "It wasn't one time. It was lots of times. And lots of different ways. I could make
Willow: "No! Buffy, there is something seriously wrong here! I... Okay,
yeah, you've been with a vampire before, but Angel had a soul."
BuffyBot: "Angel's lame. His hair grows straight up, and he's bloody stupid."
Willow: "Okay... look, I just wanna help you. Let me help you."
BuffyBot: "You're my best friend."
Willow: "Yeah. Again, I... really am, but..."
BuffyBot: "You're recently gay."
Buffy: "I-I'm sorry, I, I'm just a little confused. I'm full of love, which is nice, and... love will lead me to my gift?"
First Slayer: "Yes."
Buffy: "I'm getting a gift? Or, or do you mean that, that I have a gift to give to someone else?"
First Slayer: "Death is your gift."
First Slayer: "Is your gift."
Buffy: "Okay, no. Death is not a gift. My mother just died. I know this. If I have to kill demons because it makes
the world a better place, then I kill demons, but it's not a gift to anybody."
First Slayer: "Your question has been answered."
Glory: "This is a vampire. Lesson number one, vampires equal impure."
Spike: "Yeah, damn right I'm impure. I'm as impure as the driven yellow snow. Let me go."
Glory: "You can't even brain-suck a vampire. He's completely useless."
Spike: "So, I'm just gonna let myself out."
Xander: "Buffy, we care about you, and we're worried about you. The way you're acting, the things you're doing-"
Anya: "It's wrong."
Willow: "Wait. This shouldn't be about blame."
Buffy: "Blame? There's blame now?"
Willow: "No, there's only love. And... some fear."
Anya: "Which is kind of thrown by the you having sex with Spike."
Buffy: "The... who whating how with huh?"
Anya: "Okay, that's denial. That usually comes before anger."
Buffy: "I am not having sex with Spike!"
Xander: "No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but
Buffy: "I am not having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be."
BuffyBot: "Spike's mine. Who's straddling Spike?"
Buffy: "Oh my god."
Xander: "And so say all of us."
BuffyBot: "Say, look at you. You look just like me! We're very pretty."
Willow: "Two of them!"
Xander: "Hey, I know this! They're both Buffy!"
Buffy: "No, she's a robot. She acts just like that girlfriend-bot that Warren guy made. You guys
couldn't tell me apart from a robot?"
BuffyBot: "Oh, I don't think I'm a robot."
Anya: "She's very well done."
Xander: "Spike must have had her built so he could program her t-"
Buffy: "Oh god."
Willow: "Yikes. Imagine the things-"
Buffy: "No! No, no imagining. Any of you."
Xander: "Already got the visual."
Giles: "Quite extraordinary really."
BuffyBot: "Thank you. But I really think we should be listening to the other Buffy, Guyles. She's very smart and she's gonna help us save Spike."
Giles: "Guy-les? Spike didn't even bother to program my name properly."
Buffy: "Listen, skirt girl, we are not going to save him. We're going to kill him. He knows who the key is, and
there's no way he's not telling Glory."
BuffyBot: "You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked. I mean really."
Spike: "Yeah. Okay. The key. Here's the thing... It's that guy... on TV... what's his name?"
Glory: "On the television?"
Spike: "That show... the prize show... where they guess what stuff cost?"
Murk: "The Price Is Right?"
Jinx: "Oh, Bob Barker!"
Murk: "We will bring you Bob Barker! We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Bark-"
Glory: "It is not Bob Barker, scabby morons! The key is new to this world... and Bob Barker is as old as grit. The vampire... is lying to me."
Spike: "Yeah... but it was fun. And guess what, bitch. I'm not telling you jack. You're never
gonna get your sodding key, 'cause you might be strong, but in our world, you're an idiot."
Glory: "I am a god."
Spike: "The god of what, bad home perms?"
Glory: "Shut up! I command you, shut up!"
Spike: "Yeah, okay, sorry, but I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights.
Mark my words, the Slayer... is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass back to whatever place
would take a cheap, whorish, fashion victim ex-god like you."
Xander: "God, I feel... kind of bad for the guy. Gets all whupped and his best toy gets taken away."
Buffy: "Xander. Please don't be suggesting what I'd have to kill you for suggesting."
Xander: "No, no, travesty, completely on board, it's just... the guy was so thrashed."
Buffy (as the bot): "Spike! You're covered in sexy wounds."
Spike: "Yeah. I feel real sexy. Where you been?"
Buffy (as the bot): "I fell down and got confused. Willow fixed me. She's gay."
Spike: "Will fixed you? I thought they'd melt you into scrap."
Buffy (as the bot): "They were confused too. Do you wanna ravage me now?"
Spike: "Give us a minute. Got some bones need mending."
Buffy (as the bot): "Why did you let that Glory hurt you?"
Spike: "She wanted to know who the key was."
Buffy (as the bot): "Oh, well, I can tell her, and then you'll-"
Spike: "No! You can't ever. Glory never finds out."
Buffy (as the bot): "Why?"
Spike: "'Cause Buffy... the other, not so pleasant Buffy... anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I
couldn't live, her bein' in that much pain. Let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did."
Spike: "And my robot?"
Buffy: "The robot is gone. The robot was gross and obscene."
Spike: "It wasn't supposed to-"
Buffy: "Don't. That... thing, it... it wasn't even real. What you did, for me, and Dawn... that was real. I won't forget it."