Hell's Bells Quotes
Hell's Bells Quotes
Willow: Buffy, it's hideous. Oh my god, Buffy. Look at its arms!
Buffy: I know. But it's my duty. I'm... Buffy the bridesmaid.
Willow: Duty-schmuty. I'm supposed to be best man. Shouldn't I be all... Marlene Dietrich-y in a dashing tuxedo number?
Buffy: That would be totally unfair. We must share equally in the cosmic joke that is bridesmaids-dom.
Willow: Well, maybe... if I ask Anya, I can still go with the traditional... blood larva and burlap.
I mean, she was a, a vengeance demon for like a thousand years, she would know all the most flattering... larvae.
Willow: Oh my god, last night, that rehearsal dinner. That was like a, a zoo without the table manners. And I
bet it got worse after we left.
Buffy: I just can't believe everyone bought that story about Anya's people being circus folk. Did you see the
guy with the tentacles? What's he supposed to be? Inky the Squid Boy?
Willow: And Xander's family. I haven't seen them that bad since my bat mitzvah. Ugh, did you see how much
Buffy: Kinda. Mr. Harris threw up in my purse.
Mr. Harris: That's one of hers, right? Hey. You're one of hers, right?
Xander: You met Krelvin already, Dad. Last night.
Krelvin: Yeah. Yeah, uh, we met. You, uh, you said I resembled your mother-in-law.
Mrs. Harris: Tony!
Mr. Harris: Oh, yeah.
Krelvin: And then, you hit me with a cocktail wiener, and then you insulted my heritage.
Mr. Harris: Heritage? Being circus folks is suddenly heritage now? I mean no disrespect, of course. I'm sure you come from a long, proud line of geeks.
Cousin Carol: You know that guy Kevin? If he could clear up the skin problem... do you think...
Do you suppose he'd date a woman with a kid? I mean, I really can't afford to be very picky.
Xander: Cousin Carol? Your earrings are my cufflinks.
Cousin Carol: They are? Oh my. Oops.
Xander: Is it too small?
Xander: It fit when I picked up the tux. How could it not fit now?
Buffy: It'll fit.
Xander: Aw, man, what if it doesn't? What if I can't wear my cummerbund,
and then the whole world can see the place where my pants meet my shirt? Buffy, that can NOT
happen. I must wear das cummerbund!
Buffy: And so... you... shall!
Xander: Hey, you got it!
Buffy: Slayer strength.
Xander: And I've been meaning to cut back on that habit-forming oxygen.
Anya: Are you guys even listening? I need feedback, people.
Tara: Sorry. Please continue with the vows.
Anya: 'I, Anya, promise to... love you, to cherish you, to honor you, uh, but not to obey
you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?'
'However, I do entrust you with...' What? Is something funny?
Tara: No, n-nothing, sweetie, just, just keep still.
Anya: Okay. Blah, blah, blah, misogynistic. Blah, blah, 'I do however entrust you... um, with my
heart. Take care of my heart, won't you please? Take care of it because, it's all that I have. And, if you let me, I'll
take care of your heart too. I'll protect it and tend to it, like a little stray.' Wait, no. 'Like a, a little mangy stray that needs a home.'
No, that's not it either.
Willow: Wow. You look lovely. Really... lovely.
Anya: Thanks. It's probably the blush of imprudent spending. Do you think Xander will like it? Oh, I want to see Xander now!
Willow: You can't. It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress, remember?
Anya: Right. I can't keep all these ridiculous traditions straight. What if I'm not wearing my dress when I see
him? Okay, no sex. Cuddling? Okay. It's just I'm so excited and I want to share it all with my best friend. I get to be with my best friend forever! Yay!
Halfrek: So, Dawnie, how's everything? Going good? Nothing you, uh, nothing you wish was different...?
D'Hoffryn: Hallie, for Yekk's sake, take a day off. We're not here to do vengeance, we're here to mingle.
Buffy: Well, let's see. Found your shoes... your fly's zipped. I'd say you look like you're ready to get married.
You're one of the decent ones, Xander. I hope I'm as lucky as you guys someday.
Xander: You wanna get lucky? I've still got, what, fifteen, twenty minutes?
Xander: Now, let's go over the list one more time. Number one?
Buffy: Don't let your dad near the bar.
Xander: Check. Number two?
Buffy: Don't let your mom near the bar.
Mr. Harris: There she is. To my wife. What would I do without you, beautiful? Wellllllll, for starters, I probably wouldn't need to drink so much, would I.
On the brighter side, marriage has probably saved me from a nasty dose of the clap. Here's to ya.
Clem: Does this jerk ever shut up?
Tentacle Demon: He's starting to make my suckers twitch.
Mr. Harris: And a toast... to the bride's dermatologically-challenged family shrub.
Tentacle Demon: Sit down!
Mr. Harris: Hey, I paid for all this! You want me to sit down, you cough up a couple of grand, Squidly.
Buffy: You must be so happy for Xander on his very special, once-in-a-lifetime day, huh, Mr. Harris?
Mr. Harris: Nice chassis, what's under the hood? Rrowr!
Buffy: You know, I could use a strong cup of coffee. Hey, let's get you one too, what do you say?
Mr. Harris: Did you used to own a little square pinkish purse?
Buffy: I did.
Mr. Harris: I thought so. Hey, what do you say we slip in the back room and I show you my-
Buffy: You finish that sentence and I guarantee you won't have anything to show.
Xander: Well, what do you want me to do, Anya? Huh? I can't work. My back is shot.
Anya: And whose fault is that?
Xander: Oh, no no no. Not the Buffy thing again.
Anya: You had no business fighting demons with her.
Xander: Buffy needed me. I had to help.
Anya: Well, it didn't save her, did it? All it did was ruin our lives.
Anya: What did you expect me to do? You wouldn't come near me after Buffy-
Xander: Don't bring her into this!
Anya: Fine. Forget her. Maybe you were just born to be a bitter, angry old man.
Xander: Shut up.
Anya: No! I want my life back! If I hadn't married you I wouldn't have had to hate myself for the last THIRTY YEARS!
Xander: SHUT UP!
Spike: Hello, Buffy.
Spike: It's a happy occasion. You meet my friend?
Buffy: No. Not yet. But she seems like a very nice attempt at making me jealous.
Spike: Is it working?
Buffy: A little. It doesn't change anything... but if you're wildly curious, yeah, it hurts.
Spike: I'm sorry. Or, Good!
Spike: It's nice to watch you be happy. For them, even. I don't see it a lot. You, uh... you glow.
Buffy: That's because the dress is radioactive.
Willow: I'll say this for the Y chromosome... looks good in a tux.
Xander: Well, your double X's don't look too bad there, either.
Willow: You're getting married. My little Xander.
Xander: All growed up.
Willow: It's a good thing I realized I was gay, otherwise, hey, you, me and formal wear...
Anya: 'I, Anya, promise to cherish you...' Ew, no, not cherish. Uh, 'I promise... to have sex with you whenever... I want, and, uh... uh, pledge to be your friend, and your wife, and your confidant, and your sex poodle...'
Tara: Uh, sex poodle?
Anya: Yeah, why?
Tara: Um, I'm not sure you should say 'sex poodle' in your vows.
Buffy: Uh, heh, sorry about that. Um... there's just gonna be a little bit of a delay.
Anya: Why? What's wrong?
Buffy: Nothing! Nothing's wrong, it's just, um, it, the, the, minister. He had, uh ...
to go... and perform an emergency C-section.
Anya: A C-section?
Buffy: Yeah! You know, he's, uh, not, not just a minister, he's also a, a doctor. You know, he's half-minister,
half-doctor, he's a-a mini-tor. Not, of course, to be confused with a minotaur! Because he's all, you know, man,
this doctor minister man, no, no bull parts whatsoever.
Buffy: So it, it should just be a couple of minutes.
Anya: Okay. Okay. For the last time. 'I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because... I
love you and I'll always love you. And... before I knew you, I was like a completely different
person. Not even a person, really... and I had seen what love could do to people, and it was...
hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then, suddenly there was you, and... you knew me. You
saw me, and it was this... thing. You make me feel safe and warm. So, I get it now. I finally get love, Xander. I really do.'
Karen: I'm bored.
Cousin Carol: It's a wedding, honey. We're all bored.
Anya: I mean, I am sorry, but what the hell is that minister thinking?
Tara: Uh, I don't know, he-
Anya: I mean, delivering a baby! On my special day! I mean, it's totally rude of him and the mother. I mean, why couldn't he have just told her to hold it?
Halfrek: This thing totally isn't happening. We should have known that she would never, ever-
D'Hoffryn: I'm worried about Anya.
Halfrek: Oh, sure. Of course you are.
D'Hoffryn: Oh, Halfrek. You know I love all my demons equally.
Anya: Tell me what you did with Xander. What are you?
Demon: You did this. You brought this on. I've waited a long time for this, Anyanka.
Anya: Who are you?
Demon: Remember Chicago? South Side, 1914? Stewart Burns. Philanderer! You'd think you'd
remember. I remember you. But then again, you ruined my life.
Anya: You were a... I punished you.
Demon: That's right. Some hussy I'd been taking around summons you, next thing I know, I look like this and I'm being tortured in another dimension.
Anya: I forgot.
Demon: Well, I didn't.
Anya: So... we're ready now. Let's get married.
Xander: I... I'm not. I'm not ready. I can't, Ahn, I'm sorry.
Anya: But it wa - it wasn't real. What he showed you, it wasn't real.
Xander: I know it wasn't real. But it could be.
Anya: What was it? Was it about me? 'Cause he wanted you to hate me, Xander.
Xander: It wasn't you. It wasn't you I was hating. I had these thoughts, and... fears before this.
Maybe we just went too fast.
Anya: Look, everybody has thoughts. It's natural, it doesn't mean that, that getting married is wrong.
Xander: I know, I know...
Anya: Look, you're just shaken up, okay? You just calm down and we'll start over, okay?
Xander: We can't start over. If this is a mistake, it's forever, and... I don't want to hurt you. Not that way.
I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
Willow: Oh, god, it just hurts my heart to think of her.
Buffy: I know. The whole thing hurts my heart.
Dawn: I thought they were happy.
Buffy: They were. I know they were. They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train.
Dawn: Why did this happen?
Willow: I don't know. I feel like I should be hating Xander. But I can't. I just... I just hope he's okay.
D'Hoffryn: Are you okay?
Anya: I'm tired... of crying. I'm just so tired, D'Hoffryn.
D'Hoffryn: Oh, Anyanka. I'm sorry. But you let him domesticate you. When you were a vengeance
demon, you were powerful, at the top of your game. You crushed men like him. It's time you got back to what you do best ... don't you think?