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Welcome to the Hellmouth Quotes
Welcome to the Hellmouth Quotes

Joyce: Have a good time. I know you're gonna make friends right away, just think positive. And honey? Try not to get kicked out?

Xander: Willow! You're so very much the person that I wanted to see!
Willow: Oh, really?
Xander: Yeah. You know, I kinda had a problem with the math.
Willow: Uh, which part?
Xander: The math. Can you help me out tonight, pleeeease, be my study buddy?
Willow: Well, what's in it for me?
Xander: A shiny nickel!
Willow: Okay. Do you have 'Theories in Trig'? You should check it out.
Xander: Check it out?
Willow: From the library? Where the books live.
Xander: Right, I'm there! See, I wanna change...

Xander: Hey, Jesse, what's what?
Jesse: New Girl!
Xander: That's right, I saw her. Pretty much a hottie!
Willow: I heard someone was transferring...
Xander: So tell!
Jesse: Tell what?
Xander: What's the sitch, what do ya know about her?
Jesse: New girl!
Xander: Well, you're certainly a font of nothing!

Mr. Flutie: Welcome to Sunnydale! A clean slate, Buffy, that's what you get here. What's past is past. We're not interested in what it says on a piece of paper, even if it says... Whoa.
Buffy: Mr. Flutie...
Mr. Flutie: All the kids here are free to call me Bob.
Buffy: Bob...
Mr. Flutie: But they don't.
Buffy: I know my transcripts are a little... colorful.
Mr. Flutie: Heeey... We're not caring about that. Do you think, uh, 'colorful' is the word? Not, uh, 'dismal'?
Buffy: Wasn't that bad!
Mr. Flutie: You burned down the gym.
Buffy: I did, I really did, but... You're not seeing the big picture here, I mean, that gym was full of vampi... asbestos.

Xander: Can I have you? Duh... Can I help you?
Buffy: Thanks.
Xander: I don't know you, do I?
Buffy: I'm Buffy. I'm new.
Xander: Xander. Is, is me. Hi.

Xander: We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic.

Cordelia: Oh, I would kill to live in L.A. That close to that many shoes?

Cordelia: Well, you'll be okay here. If you hang with me and mine, you'll be accepted in no time. Of course, we do have to test your coolness factor. You're from L.A., so you can skip the written, but let's see. Vamp nail polish.
Buffy: Um, over?
Cordelia: So over. James Spader.
Buffy: He needs to call me!
Cordelia: Frappaccinos.
Buffy: Trendy, but tasty.
Cordelia: John Tesh.
Buffy: The Devil.
Cordelia: That was pretty much a gimme, but... you passed!
Buffy: Oh, goody!

Cordelia: Willow! Nice dress! Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears.
Willow: Uh, oh, well, my mom picked it out.
Cordelia: No wonder you're such a guy magnet. Are you done?

Cordelia: You wanna fit in here, the first rule is: know your losers. Once you can identify them all by sight they're a lot easier to avoid.

Cordelia: The Bronze. It's the only club worth going to around here. They let anybody in, but it's still the scene. It's in the bad part of town.
Buffy: Where's that?
Cordelia: About a half a block from the good part of town. We don't have a whole lot of town here. But, um, you should show!

Buffy: Uh, Hi! Willow, right?
Willow: Why? I-I mean, hi! Uh, did you want me to move?
Buffy: Why don't we start with, 'Hi, I'm Buffy,' and, uh, then let's segue directly into me asking you for a favor. It doesn't involve moving, but it does involve hanging out with me for a while.
Willow: But aren't you hanging out with Cordelia?
Buffy: I can't do both?
Willow: Not legally.

Willow: Oh, I could totally help you out! Uh, if you have sixth period free we could meet in the library?
Buffy: Or not. Or we could meet someplace quieter. Louder. Uh, that place just kinda gives me the wiggins.
Willow: Oh, it has that effect on most kids. I love it, though, it's a great collection, and the new librarian is really cool.
Buffy: He's new?
Willow: Yeah, he just started. He was a curator at some British museum, or, or The British Museum, I'm not sure. But he knows everything, and he brought all these historical volumes and biographies, and am I the single dullest person alive?
Buffy: Not at all.

Willow: Buffy, this is Jesse and that's Xander.
Xander: Oh, me and Buffy go waaay back, old friends, very close. Then there's that period of estrangement where I think we were both growing as people, but now here we are, like old times, I'm quite moved.
Jesse: Is it me, or are you turning into a bibbling idiot?
Xander: No, it's, uh, it's not you.

Xander: And to return this. The only thing I can think is that you're building a really little fence.
Buffy: Hah, no, um, a-a-actually it was for self-defense. Everyone has them in L.A. Pepper spray is just so passť.
Xander: So what do you do for fun, what do you like, what do you look for in a man, let's hear it.
Jesse: If you have any dark, painful secrets you'd like us to publish?
Buffy: Gee, everyone wants to know about me. How keen.
Xander: Well, not much goes on in a one Starbucks town like Sunnydale. You're pretty big news.

Cordelia: I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won't be meeting Coach Foster, the woman with the chest hair, because gym was canceled due to the extreme dead guy in the locker.
Buffy: What?
Willow: What are you talking about?
Cordelia: Some guy was stuffed in Aura's locker!
Buffy: Dead.
Cordelia: Totally dead. Way dead.
Xander: It's not just a little dead, then?
Cordelia: Don't you have an elsewhere to be?
Jesse: Y'know, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or just to nibble on...
Buffy: How did he die?
Cordelia: I don't know.
Buffy: Well, were there any marks?
Cordelia: Morbid much! I didn't ask!

Buffy: Okay, what's the sitch?
Giles: Sorry?
Buffy: You heard about the dead guy, right? The dead guy in the locker?
Giles: Yes.
Buffy: 'Cause, it's the weirdest thing. He's got two little, little holes in his neck, and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going, ooo?
Giles: I was afraid of this.
Buffy: Well, I wasn't! It's my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair. I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus. And I don't care.
Giles: Then why are you here?
Buffy: To tell you that... I don't care, which... I don't, and... have now told you, so... bye.

Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?
Giles: You really have no idea what's going on, do you? You think it's coincidence, your being here? That boy was just the beginning.
Buffy: Oh, why can't you people just leave me alone?
Giles: Because you are the Slayer. Into each generation a Slayer is born, one girl in all the world, a Chosen One, one born with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires...
Buffy: ...with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires, to stop the spread of their evil blah, blah, blah... I've heard it, okay?
Giles: I really don't understand this attitude. You, you've accepted your duty, you, you've slain vampires before...
Buffy: Yeah, and I've both been there and done that, and I'm moving on.

Giles: Dig a bit in the history of this place. You'll find a, a steady stream of fairly odd occurrences. Now, I believe this whole area is a center of mystical energy, that things gravitate towards it that, that, that you might not find elsewhere.
Buffy: Like vampires.
Giles: Like zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubi, everything you've ever dreaded was under your bed, but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real!
Buffy: What? You, like, sent away for the Time-Life series?
Giles: Ah, w-w-w-yes.
Buffy: Did you get the free phone?
Giles: Um, the calendar.
Buffy: Cool! But, okay, first of all, I'm a Vampire Slayer. And secondly, I'm retired. Hey, I know! Why don't you kill 'em?
Giles: I-I'm a Watcher, I-I haven't the skill...
Buffy: Oh, come on, stake through the heart, a little sunlight... It's like falling off a log.
Giles: A, a Slayer slays, a Watcher...
Buffy: ...watches?
Giles: Yes. No! He, he trains her, he, he, he prepares her...
Buffy: Prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of my friends? For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them? Go ahead! Prepare me.

Giles: It's getting worse!
Buffy: What's getting worse?
Giles: The influx of the undead, the... supernatural occurrences, it's been building for years. There's a reason why you're here and a reason why it's now!
Buffy: Because now is the time my mom moved here.
Giles: Something's coming, something, something... something is, is gonna happen here. Soon!
Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?
Giles: The signs, as far as I can tell, point to a crucial mystical upheaval, very soon. Days. Possibly less.
Buffy: Oh, come on! This is Sunnydale! How bad an evil can there be here?

Joyce: Are you, uh, going out tonight?
Buffy: Yeah, I'm going to a club.
Joyce: Oh. Will there be boys there?
Buffy: No, Mom. It's a nun club.

Angel: Ah, heh. Is there a problem, ma'am?
Buffy: Yeah, there's a problem. Why are you following me?
Angel: I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite. Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though.
Buffy: What do you want?
Angel: The same thing you do.
Buffy: Okay. What do I want?
Angel: To kill them. To kill them all.
Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax. What I want is to be left alone!
Angel: Do you really think that's an option anymore? You're standing at the Mouth of Hell. And it's about to open.

Angel: Let's just say... I'm a friend.
Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: I didn't say I was yours.

Buffy: Oh, you're here with someone?
Willow: No, I'm just here. I thought Xander was gonna show up.
Buffy: Oh, are you guys going out?
Willow: No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up.
Buffy: How come?
Willow: He stole my Barbie. Oh, we were five.

Willow: I-I-I don't actually date a whole lot... lately.
Buffy: Why not?
Willow: Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy: It's not that bad!
Willow: No, i-it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.
Buffy: You really haven't been dating lately.

Buffy: Well, my philosophy, do you wanna hear my philosophy?
Willow: Yeah, I do!
Buffy: Life is short.
Willow: Life is short!
Buffy: Not original, I'll grant you, but it's true. You know? Why waste time being all shy and worrying about some guy, and if he's gonna laugh at you. Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.
Willow: Oh, that's nice!

Buffy: So, you like to party with the students. Isn't that kinda skanky?
Giles: Oh, right, this is me having fun. Watching... clown hair prance about is hardly my idea of a party. I'd much rather be at home with a cup of Bovril and a good book.
Buffy: You need a personality, stat!
Giles: This is a perfect breeding ground for vampire activity. It's dark, it's crowded... Besides, I knew you were likely to show up, and I have to make you understand...
Buffy: ...that the Harvest is coming. I know, your friend told me.
Giles: What did you say?
Buffy: The Harvest. That mean something to you? 'Cause I'm drawing a blank.
Giles: I'm not sure. Uh... W-who told you this?
Buffy: This... guy. Dark, gorgeous in an annoying sort of way. I figured you two were buds.
Giles: No. The Harvest. Did he say anything else?
Buffy: Something about the Mouth of Hell. I really didn't like him!

Cordelia: My mom doesn't even get out of bed anymore. And the doctor says it's Epstein-Barr. I'm like, pleeease! It's chronic hepatitis, or at least chronic fatigue syndrome. I mean, nobody cool has Epstein-Barr anymore.

Buffy: I didn't say I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it. You know, if I see one, sure I'll...
Giles: Will you be ready? There's so much you don't know about them, about your own powers. A vampire appears to be completely normal until the feed is upon them, only then do they reveal their true demonic visage.
Buffy: You're like a textbook with arms, I know this.
Giles: The point is, a Slayer should be able to see them anyway. Without looking, without thinking. Can you tell me if there's a vampire in this building?
Buffy: Maybe...
Giles: You should know. Even through this mass and this... din, you should be able to sense them. Well, try! Reach out with your mind. You have to hone your senses, focus until the energy washes over you, until you, you feel every particle o-of...
Buffy: There's one.
Giles: W-where?
Buffy: Right there, talking to that girl.
Giles: You don't know...
Buffy: Oh, please! Look at his jacket. He's got the sleeves rolled up, and the shirt! Deal with that outfit for a moment.
Giles: It's dated?
Buffy: It's carbon dated. Trust me, only someone living underground for ten years would think that was still the look.
Giles: But you didn't... hone.

Cordelia: God! What is your childhood trauma?!

Giles: The vampire is not dead?
Buffy: No, but my social life is on the critical list.

Xander: Why? Oh, hey, I hope he's not a vampire, because then you might have to slay him.
Buffy: Was there a... a school bulletin? Was it i-in the newspaper? Is there anyone in this town who doesn't know I'm the Slayer?
Xander: No. I only know that you think that you're the Slayer, and the reason why I know that...
Buffy: Well, whatever, it doesn't matter, just tell me, where would Willow go?
Xander: You're serious!
Buffy: We don't find her and there's gonna be one more dead body in the morning!

Buffy: Well, this is nice. I-it's a little bare, but a dash of paint, a few throw pillows... call it home!
Darla: Who the hell are you?
Buffy: You mean there's actually someone in this town who doesn't know already? Whew, that's a relief, I'm telling you! Having a secret identity in this town is a job of work.
Xander: Buffy, we bail now, right?
Thomas: Not yet!
Buffy: Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge!
Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way, or... well, actually there's just the hard way.
Darla: That's fine with me!
Buffy: Are you sure? Now, this in not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content...


The Usual
The Usual

Random Quotage:

This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
-Xander (The Harvest)


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BtVS: The Score CD BtVS: The Score CD

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - The Chosen Collection (Seasons 1-7) BtVS - The Chosen Collection (Seasons 1-7)


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