Buffy: Know what? I need to go... put a bag over my head.
Angel: Don't listen to her. Please. You look fine.
Buffy: You're sweet. A terrible liar, but sweet.
Angel: I thought we had...
Buffy: A date. So did I. But who am I kidding? Dates are things normal girls have. Girls who have time to think about nail polish and facials. You know what I think about? Ambush tactics. Beheading. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of.
Snyder: Miss Summers. Just the juvenile delinquent I've been looking for.
Buffy: Principal Snyder!
Snyder: Halloween must be a big night for you. Tossing eggs, keying cars, bobbing for apples, one pathetic cry for help after another. Well, not this year, missy.
Buffy: Gosh, I'd love to sign up, but I recently developed carpal tunnel syndrome, and can tragically no longer hold a flashlight.
Snyder: The program starts at four, the children have to be back at six.
Xander: I can't believe this. We have to get dressed up and the whole deal?
Willow: Snyder said costumes were mandatory.
Buffy: Great. I was gonna stay in and veg. The one night a year things are supposed to be quiet for me.
Xander: Halloween quiet? Oh, I figured it'd be a big old vamp scare-apalooza.
Buffy: Not according to Giles. He swears that tomorrow night is, like, dead for the undead. They stay in.
Xander: Those wacky vampires! That's why I love 'em! They just keep you guessing!
Larry: You and Buffy, you're just friends, right?
Xander: I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss.
Larry: So, she, she's not your girlfriend?
Xander: Alas, no.
Larry: Do you think she'd go out with me?
Xander: Well, Lar, that's a tough question to... No. Not a chance.
Larry: Why not? I heard some guys say she was fast.
Xander: I hope you mean like the wind.
Larry: Yeah, you know what I mean.
Xander: That's my friend that you're talkin' about!
Larry: Oh, yeah? Well, what're you gonna do about it?
Xander: I'm gonna do what any man would do about it: somethin' damn manly.
Xander: Do you know what you just did?
Buffy: Saved you a dollar?
Xander: No, but Larry was about to pummel me!
Buffy: Oh, that? Forget about it!
Xander: Oh, I'll forget about it. In maybe fifteen, twenty years when my rep for being a sissy man finally fades!
Buffy: Xander, don't you think you're...
Xander: A black eye heals, Buffy, but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life. Oh, thanks! Thanks a lot for your help.
Buffy: I think I just violated the guy code big time.
Willow: Poor Xander. Boys are so fragile. Speaking of, how was your date last night?
Buffy: Misfire. I was late due to unscheduled slayage. Showed up looking trashed.
Willow: Was he mad?
Buffy: Actually he was pretty unmad. Which probably had something to do with the fact that Cordelia was drooling in his cappuccino.
Willow: Oh, Buffy. Angel would never fall for her act.
Buffy: You mean that 'actually showing up, wearing a stunning outfit, embracing personal hygiene' act?
Willow: You know what I mean. Uh, she's not his type.
Buffy: Are you sure? I mean, I don't know what his type is. I've known him less than a year, and if you haven't noticed, he's not exactly one to over share.
Willow: True. It's too bad we can't sneak a look at the Watcher diaries and read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell.
Buffy: Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private.
Willow: Also Giles keeps them in his office. In his personal files.
Buffy: Most importantly, it would be wrong.
Giles: Buffy! Excellent!
Buffy: Nothing! Hi!
Giles: Yes, I-I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow night. As it should be, uh, calm, you might work on some new battle techniques.
Buffy: You're beginning to scare me, Giles. You need to have some fun. You know, there's this place you can go, right, and you sit in the dark, and there are these moving pictures, right, and the pictures tell a story.
Giles: Yes, yes, ha, ha, very droll. I'll have you know that I have very, uh, many relaxing hobbies.
Buffy: Such as?
Giles: Well, um...
Giles: I enjoy cross-referencing.
Buffy: Do you stuff your own shirts, or do you send them out?
Buffy: So! How come Halloween is such a big yawner? I mean, do the demons just hate how commercial it's become?
Giles: Um, it's interesting, ac... Not, I suspect, to you. What is it you're after?
Buffy: Of course, it's of interest to me! I'm the Slayer. I need to know these things. You can't keep me in the dark any longer. Look at me when I talk to you!
Giles: I really don't have time for these games.
Buffy: Ms. Calendar said you were a babe.
Giles: She said what?
Buffy: Well, she said that you were a... h-hunk of burning... something or other. So, whadaya think of that?
Giles: Uh, I... I don't, um, uh... A burning hunk of what?
Buffy: Look. You know how disgusting it is for me to even contemplate you grownups having smoochies, but I think you should go for it.
Giles: Buffy, I appreciate your interest, but...
Buffy: But I've overstepped my bounds. It's none of my business, you know. What was I thinking? My God! Shame, shame. I gotta go.
Giles: A babe? I can live with that.
Willow: C'mon! She's not that pretty. I mean, look at her. She's got a funny... uh, waist. Look how tiny that is.
Buffy: Thank you. Now I feel better.
Willow: No. She's like a freak. A circus freak. Yuk.
Buffy: Musta been wonderful. Put on some fantabulous gown and go to a ball like a princess, and have horses and servants, and yet more gowns.
Willow: Yeah. Still, I think I prefer being able to vote. Or I will when I can.
Cordelia: So, Buffy. You ran off last night and left poor little Angel all by his lonesome. But I did everything I could to comfort him.
Buffy: I'll bet.
Cordelia: So, what's his story anyway? I mean, I never see him around.
Willow: Not during the day, anyway.
Cordelia: Oh, please. Don't tell me he still lives at home. Like, he has to wait for his dad to get back before he can take the car?
Buffy: Cordelia, I think his parents have been dead for a couple of hundred years.
Cordelia: Oh, good. I mean... What?
Buffy: Angel's a vampire. I thought you knew.
Cordelia: Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a Carebear with fangs?
Willow: It's true.
Cordelia: You know what I think? I just think you're trying to scare me off 'cause you're afraid of the competition. Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer.
Buffy: Okay, Will, can I give you a little friendly advice?
Willow: It's not spooky enough?
Buffy: It's just... you're never gonna get noticed if you keep hiding. You're missing the whole point of Halloween.
Willow: Free candy?
Buffy: It's come as you aren't night. The perfect chance for a girl to get sexy and wild with no repercussions.
Willow: Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.
Buffy: Don't underestimate yourself. You've got it in you.
Buffy: Hey, look, Xander... I'm... really sorry about this morning.
Xander: Do you mind, Buffy? I'm trying to repress.
Buffy: Okay, then I promise, from now on I'll let you get pummeled.
Xander: Thank you. Okay, y'know, actually I think I could've t... Hello! That was our touching reconciliation moment there.
Drusilla: Miss Edith needs her tea.
Spike: C'mere, poodle.
Drusilla: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?
Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet. That's why I've got to study this Slayer. Once I know her I can kill her. And once I kill her you can have your run of Sunnyhell. Get strong again.
Buffy: Wow! You're a dish! I mean, really.
Willow: But this just isn't me.
Buffy: And that's the point. Look, Halloween is the night that not you is you, but not you. Y'know? Oh! That's Xander. Are you ready?
Willow: Yeah. O-o-okay.
Buffy: Cool! I can't wait for the boys to go non-verbal when they see you!
Xander: Private Harris reporting for... Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!
Snyder: This is your group, Summers. No need to speak to them. The last thing they need is your influence. Just bring them back in one piece and I won't expel you.
Cordelia: Oz. Oz.
Oz: Hey, Cordelia. Jeez, you're like a great big cat.
Cordelia: It's my costume. Are you guys playing tonight?
Oz: Yeah, at the Shelter Club.
Cordelia: Is Mr. I'm-the-lead-singer-I'm-so-great-I-don't-have-to-show-up-for-my-date-or-even-call gonna be there?
Oz: Yeah, y'know, he's just going by 'Devon' now.
Cordelia: Well, you can tell him that I don't care, and that I didn't even mention it. And that I didn't even see you. So that's just fine.
Oz: So, what do I tell him?
Cordelia: Nothing! Jeez! Get with the program.
Oz: Why can't I meet a nice girl like that?
Xander: Okay, on sleazing extra candy: tears are key. Tears will normally get you the double-bagger. You can also try the old 'you missed me' routine, but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate. Understood? Okay, troops. Let's move out.
Willow: That's not a demon. It's a car.
Buffy: What does it want?
Xander: Is this woman insane?
Willow: She's never seen a car.
Xander: She's never seen a car?
Willow: She's from the past.
Xander: And you're a ghost.
Willow: Yes! Now let's get inside.
Xander: I just want you to know that I'm taking a lot on faith here.
Buffy: No! I, I don't understand any of this! Uh, uh, th... This is some other girl! I would never wear this, that low apparel, and I don't like this place, and I don't like you, and I just wanna go home!
Willow: You are home! She couldn't've dressed up like Xena?
Willow: Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of.
Cordelia: That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?
Willow: You know us?
Cordelia: Yeah. Lucky me. What's with the name game?
Willow: A lot's going on.
Cordelia: No kidding. I was just attacked by Jo-Jo, the Dog-Faced Boy. Look at my costume! Do you really think that Partytown's gonna give me my deposit back? Not on the likely.
Xander: She must be right. We must have some kind of amnesia.
Buffy: I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I bathe quite often!
Ethan: Oh, and we all know that you are the champion of innocents and all things pure and good, Rupert. It's quite a little act you've got going here, old man.
Giles: It's no act. It's who I am.
Ethan: Who you are? The Watcher, sniveling, tweed-clad guardian of the Slayer and her kin? I think not. I know who you are, Rupert, and I know what you're capable of. But they don't, do they? They have no idea where you come from.
Giles: Break the spell, Ethan. Then leave this place and never come back.
Ethan: Why should I? What's in the bargain for me?
Giles: You get to live.
Xander: Hey, Buff. Welcome back.
Buffy: Yeah! You, too.
Cordelia: You guys remember what happened?
Xander: It was way creepy. It's like I was there, but I couldn't get out.
Cordelia: Yeah, I know the feeling. This outfit's totally skintight.
Cordelia: Hello?! It felt like I was talking, my lips were moving and...
Xander: Give it up, Cordy. You're never gonna get between those two. Believe me, I know.
Angel: I don't get it, Buffy. Why'd you think I'd like you better dressed that way?
Buffy: I just wanted to be a real girl for once. The kind of fancy girl you liked when you were my age.
Angel: Oh, ho.
Angel: I hated the girls back then. Especially the noble women.
Buffy: You did.
Angel: They were just incredibly dull. Simpering morons, the lot of them. I always wished I could meet someone... exciting. Interesting.
Buffy: Really? Interesting how?
Angel: You know how.
Buffy: Still, I had a really hard day. You should probably tell me.
Angel: You're right. I should.