Dawn: Candles?! We can't have candles?
Buffy: Dawn, it's magic clearance. Everything must go.
Dawn: B-but they're just candles!
Buffy: Well, yeah, you know, to you and me they're just candles, but to... witches they're... like bongs.
Buffy: Dawn, do me a favor, can you grab the fertility god statue on the desk over there?
Dawn: Kokopelli?! No! I love him! And he was Mom's.
Warren: Okay, that's it. It's finally done. I mean, it still needs a trial run, but it's-
Jonathan: Kind of clunky-looking.
Andrew: I pictured something cooler. More ILM, less Ed Wood.
Warren: You wanna see cool? I'll show you cool.
Jonathan: You penis!
Warren: Oh, cheer up, Frodo. Because thanks to my brains, and our mystical gem, we got ourselves an
invisibility ray. And I'd say that makes us pretty much unstoppable.
Buffy: How are you doing?
I'm okay. Not 'ready to head back to classes, face the world' okay, but... the shakiness is only semi
now. I thought I'd spend the day fishing the net, for more poop on the, uh, stolen diamond.
Willow: Okay, I deserve the wrath of Dawn, but... why is she taking it out on you?
Buffy: Because I let it happen.
Willow: Buffy, I was the one who-
Buffy: Who was drowning. My best friend. And I was too wrapped up in my own dumb life to even notice.
Buffy: What are you doing? And, here?
Spike: Just, uh, took a stroll. Found myself in your neck of the woods.
Buffy: Couldn't find a less flammable time of day to take a stroll?
Spike: Yeah, well, the fact is my lighter's gone missing. Thought it might have, uh, dropped outta my pocket the
last time I was here.
Buffy: You. Making up excuses.
Spike: Oh, don't flatter yourself, luv. Bloody fond of that lighter.
Buffy: Stop trying to see me. And stop calling me that.
Spike: So, um... what should I call you then? Pet? Sweetheart? My, uh... little goldilocks?
You know I love this hair. The way it bounces around when you- Ah-ah-ah! This flapjack's not ready to be flipped.
Xander: Good Godfrey Cambridge, Spike! Still trying to mack on Buffy? Wake up already.
Never gonna happen! Only a complete loser would ever hook up with you. Well, unless she's a simpleton
like Harmony, or a, or a nut sack like Drusilla-
Buffy: Hey! You really need to get Dawn off to school. Let's go, go fetch her, okay?
Spike: So, we gonna chat this out, or what?
Buffy: Uh... now's really not a-a good time. Um, I have company.
Spike: No worries. I'll wait.
Ms. Kroger: Um, Miss Summers, if you and your boyfriend would like to-
Buffy: He is NOT- Not my, my boyfriend, he's, um, just... a... Spike... this nice woman is, uh, from Social Services?
Spike: Oh, right! Uh... hey! Buffy's a great mom. She takes good care of her little sis.
Like, um, when Dawn was hanging out too much in my crypt, Buffy put a right stop to it.
Ms. Kroger: I'm sorry, did you say-
Buffy: Crib! He said crib. You know kids today and their buggin' street slang. Uh,
Spike, didn't you have to go now, you know, because of that thing?
Spike: Uh, thing, yeah. Uh, my blanket.
Ms. Kroger: He sleeps here?
Buffy: What? No! No. Oh, uh, the, the, the blanket. That's, um, uh, it's a security thing, you know. He... has issues.
Buffy: That's Willow. She, uh, she kind of lives here too, actually.
Ms. Kroger: Oh, so you live with another woman.
Buffy: Oh! Oh, it's not a, a gay thing, you know, I mean, well... she's gay, but, but we
don't... gay. Not that there's anything - Oh! Wrong with... You know, I know what that looks
like, but I, I swear, it's not... what it looks like. It's magic weed. It's not mine.
Ms. Kroger: I think I've seen enough.
Ms. Kroger: Oh, and I'm, uh, going to recommend immediate probation in my report.
Buffy: What does that mean?
Ms. Kroger: It means that I'll be monitoring you very closely, Ms. Summers. And if I don't see that things are
improving, well, I'll be forced to recommend that you be stripped of your sister's guardianship.
Buffy: You can't do that.
Ms. Kroger: I do what is in Dawn's best interest... as should you. Have a nice day.
Jonathan: Give it!
Andrew: No, I need to be invisible!
Jonathan: I need it more, Buffy can't see me!
Warren: Hey, watch it, don't you-
Xander: What happened to Buffy? She's gone.
Anya: She's right here. Table four. I put her with your family.
Xander: Great. Except, we don't hate Buffy. Let's put her back at table one.
Anya: Well, where do I put D'Hoffryn?
Xander: We're not inviting D'Hoffryn.
Anya: We have to, he's my ex-boss! You're inviting your work buddies.
Invisible Buffy: Don't strain yourself looking, Xander. I'm invisible girl. Uh, Xander?
Xander: Sorry! Her clothes are... invisible... too. Buffy, how did this hap... wait a sec, have you been feeling... ignored lately?
Invisible Buffy: Yeah, ignored. I wish. No, this isn't a Marcie deal. I don't know what happened. I left
Main Street after getting my hair cut, and-
Anya: You cut your hair?
Invisible Buffy: Oh, yeah!
Anya: Really? How short?
Invisible Buffy: Um, about up to here... well, if you could see my hand, it's kind of above my shoulders.
Anya: Ahh, that sounds so adorable! I was thinking about getting my hair cut before the wed-
Xander: Can we get back to freaking out about no-show Buffy? This is serious.
Invisible Buffy: I know. It kind of fits the day I've had.
Anya: Why would anyone make her invisible anyway? I mean, invisible Slayer's gotta be
way more effective than the standard variety.
Xander: Yeah, I'm less with the why and more with the how. We get the how, then we got how to make her
unseen sight seen again, right?
Anya: Well, seems pretty obvious it's some kind of spell that's done this to her.
Xander: Spell from who? You said it yourself, it makes no sense for one of her enemies to make her invisible.
Anya: Maybe it's a mistake.
Xander: A magical mistake. Who'd be messing with that kind of pow-
Xander: How's it going?
Willow: Um... good. I, I, uh, found... out some stuff about the diamond stolen from the
museum. It's called the Illuminata, and there's rumors of it having quasi-mystical
Xander: Will, nobody's mad. Relapse is a part of recovery, we understand that. We just have to figure a way
to fix it.
Willow: Fix what?
Xander: Fix Buffy.
Willow: Buffy's broken?
Xander: Will, you know what I'm talki - You don't know. Rhymes with... 'blinvisible'?
Xander: Buffy was in town, leaving the haircutting place, when she suddenly just-
Willow: Buffy got her hair cut?
Xander: Yeah! Adorable, apparently. I personally couldn't tell, since she's all 'blinvisible.'
Willow: And you think I had something to do with this?
Xander: Uh, no... not... Well, come on, Will. Some of the spells you've done have caused some weird
stuff to happen to each of us at one time or another. And let's not forget the recent forgetting.
Willow: Oh. I see, so now when anything nasty happens, I get conveniently blamed for it?
Xander: No one's blaming!
Willow: So... I guess it wouldn't matter if I just jump off the wagon completely... since you
already think I'm making pit stops.
Xander: Well, look, if you said you didn't do it - Willow, where you going?
Willow: For a walk.
Warren: Couple of circuits are burned out, and the wiring's all fried.
Andrew: But we had so many plans. Naked women, and all... well, all-all the naked women.
This is all your fault, if you hadn't grabbed it from me-
Jonathan: Hey, we got a lot bigger problems here, bonehead. The Slayer's invisible now?
Andrew: He's right. She could be anywhere. Even here, right now. Watching. Listening to
every word we say. For all we know, she could be one of us! Oh, wait, no, guys, that isn't true.
Invisible Buffy: I am the ghost of fashion victims past. Studded caps? Not a good idea.
Boss: What is this? 'All work and no play make Doris a dull girl'?
Mr. Kroeger: What?
Boss: 'All work and no play make Doris' - the pages are filled with it.
Mr. Kroeger: I... I... I, I, I didn't do this, I... It was the voice.
Boss: Excuse me?
Mr. Kroeger: There was a voice, before. It made my coffee dance. It told me to-
Boss: To... what?
Mr. Kroeger: Nothing.
Boss: Doris... take the rest of the day off. See your doctor.
Mr. Kroeger: But what about my cases?
Boss: We'll, uh... put someone else on them. And have them redo the Summers interview.
Mr. Kroeger: I'm not crazy. I am not crazy!
Boss: Well, no one said that you were.
Xander: Hey Will. Whatcha doin'?
Willow: Look, Xander, I - I figured out this was where Buffy disappeared from what you told me,
so don't start jumping to any conclusions.
Xander: No jumping, look, feet firmly planted.
Willow: I'm not feeling like myself right now, sorry.
Xander: Me too. Sorry.
Spike: Whatever beastie you are, I know you're here. And I hurt beasties. Hey, watch it.
A ghost, is it? Go and haunt the living, like a good spook. Buffy?
Invisible Buffy: I told you... stop trying to see me.
Anya: Oh, I got it!
Anya: Yeah, we'll put D'Hoffryn at your parents' table, and move your Uncle Rory to table five near the bar.
Xander: Ahn honey, we're looking for invisibility spells here.
Anya: Well, obviously I haven't found anything yet. At least nothing that would explain why things near Buffy
Anya: Ew! Xander!
Xander: What happened?
Anya: An unpleasant tactile experience, like putting my hand in pudding.
Anya: Like pudding, am I right? Rice, or tapioca, lumpy like that.
Xander: We have to find Buffy, she's gotta know.
Anya: I don't think Buffy's gonna be too broken up over a pylon.
Xander: Anya, whatever's happening to the pylon will probably happen to her. If we don't find Buffy, I-I mean...
if we don't figure out how this was done...
Anya: She's pudding?
Jonathan: What do you mean she's gonna fade away?
Warren: The Slayer got slammed with a big-ass dose of radiation when the gun overloaded. Her cells are
mutating at an accelerated rate. Eventually her molecular makeup will start losing its integrity and then... pfft.
Andrew: But, wouldn't that kill her?
Warren: Well, lemme think. Yeah!
Jonathan: Wait a minute! We're not killing anybody. Especially not Buffy!
Warren: You guys are so immature! We're villains! When are you gonna get that through your
Jonathan: We're not killers, we're crime lords!
Andrew: Yeah! Like, like Lex Luthor. He's always trying to take over Metropolis, but he doesn't kill Superman!
Warren: Because it's Superman's book, you moron!
Andrew: But Lex doesn't kill him, does he?!
Jonathan: Listen, Warren... you get that ray working and the first thing we're
gonna do is find Buffy and re-visible her before it's too late! You got me?!
Warren: Fine. Whatever you guys say.
Xander: What are you doing?
Spike: What am I... What does it look like I'm doing, you nit? I'm exercising, aren't I?
Xander: Exercising. Naked. In bed.
Spike: A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go. Gotta keep fit for the killing.
Spike: This vanishing act's right liberating for you, innit? Go anywhere you want. Do anything you want. Or anyone.
Invisible Buffy: What are you talking ab-
Spike: The only reason you're here, is that you're not here.
Invisible Buffy: Right. Of course, as usual there's something wrong with Buffy. She came back all wrong.
You know, I didn't ask for this to happen to me.
Spike: Not too put off by it though, are you?
Invisible Buffy: No! Maybe because for the first time since... I'm free. Free of rules and reports... free of this life.
Spike: Free of life? Got another name for that. Dead.
Invisible Buffy: Why do you always have to... I thought we were having fun.
Spike: Yeah, now! But sooner or later your chums are gonna work out a way to bring you back to living color.
You need to go. Get dressed if you can find your clothes, and push off. 'Cause if I can't have all of
you, I'd rather- Okay, that's cheating.
Invisible Buffy: I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you guys are the ones who did this to me?
Invisible Jonathan: It was an accident!
Invisible Buffy: Who's that?
Invisible Jonathan: Nobody you know.
Invisible Jonathan: Ow! Watch the chest hair!
Invisible Buffy: I know that voice. You-you're-
Buffy: Jonathan?! You have chest hair?
Buffy: Who are you?
Andrew: Andrew. I summoned the flying monkeys that attacked the high school? During the school play, you know?
Warren: It's Tucker's brother.
Jonathan: Yeah, it's Tucker's brother.
Buffy: So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass?
Warren: We're your arch-nemesises... ses. You may have beaten us this time, Slayer, but
next time... um... uh, next time...
Jonathan: Maybe not!
Warren: What do you mean, it's locked? You were supposed to check it!
Andrew: I forgot!
Buffy: I give you my arch nemesises... ses.
Willow: Oh my god, Buffy!
Buffy: I know, they're gone. I guess we should chase them.
Willow: No, your hair! It is adorable.
Buffy: Pretty neat, you finding the van. So... how did you manage to... do it exactly? I mean, to locate it?
Willow: The hard way. The spell-free way. The oh-my-god-my-head's-gonna-fall-off, my-feet-are-killing-me way.
I don't know how I got through this day.
Buffy: Well, the important thing is that you did. It's a ... good first step.
Willow: How are you doing, post-invisibleness?
Buffy: Okay. I still have to do some damage control from my giddy-fest. Dawn was pretty freaked
out. The whole taking-a-vacation-from-me thing didn't work out so well.
Willow: Tell me about it.
Buffy: Except... when I got Xander's message... you know, that I was... fading away... I actually got scared.
Willow: Well, yeah. Who wouldn't?
Buffy: Me. I wouldn't. Not too long ago I probably would have welcomed it. But I realized... I'm not saying
that I'm doing back-flips about my life, but... I didn't... I don't... wanna die. That's something, right?
Willow: It's something. So I guess we both made good first steps.
Buffy: I guess.
Willow: Yay for us.