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Go Fish Quotes
Go Fish Quotes

Xander: All I'm saying is, it's a stupid idea to have a victory party at the beach. It's officially nippy. So say my nips.
Willow: I think it's festive. A party with nature.
Cordelia: Well, it's the team's choice. It was their victory.
Xander: Team? Swim team. Hardly what I'd call a team. The Yankees. Abbott and Costello. The 'A'. Now, those were teams.
Cordelia: Jealous?
Xander: No. Y-yes, but 'no' more than 'yes'.

Cordelia: Well, all I know is, my cheerleading squad wasted a lot of pep on losers. It's about time our school excelled at something.
Willow: Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate.
Xander: We're number one!

Snyder: Rosenberg. How's the class? Everything in order?
Willow: Well, actually...
Snyder: Great. I've been talking to the board. We've been having trouble finding a competent teacher this late in the term. Do you think you could continue subbing through finals?
Willow: Oh! Sure! I like teaching.
Snyder: Isn't that nice. You're a team player, and I like that. A team player wants everyone on the team to succeed. Wants everyone to pass.
Willow: Well, yeah. Sure.
Snyder: I understand there's a problem with Gage Petronzi.
Willow: Oh, good, then you know. Well, yeah. Besides the behavior problem, he won't do homework, and his test scores are... Well, actually, he doesn't have any test scores because he never shows up when we have...
Snyder: I'm not interested in any of that. I'm interested in why, when this school is on the brink of winning its first state championship in fifteen years, you slap a crucial member of that team with a failing mark that would force his removal. Is that how you show your school spirit?
Willow: Yes. Well, I mean... no. I'm just trying to grade fairly.
Snyder: Gage is a champion. He's under more pressure than the other students. And I think we need to cut him some slack.
Willow: You're asking me to change his grade?
Snyder: I never said any such thing. All I'm suggesting is... that you recheck your figures, and I think we'll find a grade more fitting to an athlete of Gage's stature. Perhaps something in a 'D'.

Xander: Just like that? He actually told you to alter his grade?
Willow: Exactly. Except for actually telling me to. But he made it perfectly clear of what he wasn't telling me.
Xander: That is wrong, a big, fat, spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every one of us who studied hard and worked long hours to earn our D's.
Cordelia: Xander, I know you take pride in being the voice of the common wuss, but the truth is, certain people are entitled to special privileges. They're called winners. That's the way the world works.
Xander: And what about that nutty 'all men are created equal' thing?
Cordelia: Propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less deserving.
Xander: I think that was Lincoln.
Cordelia: Disgusting mole and stupid hat.
Willow: Actually, it was Jefferson.
Cordelia: Kept slaves. Remember?

Cameron: Hey... I'm not about pressure. I just want you to be comfortable.
Buffy: I'm comfy! I'm so comfy, I'm nodding off actually, which is why...
Cameron: Are you wearing a bra?
Buffy: What?
Cameron: Come on. I mean, tell me you haven't been thinking about this ever since last night.
Buffy: What I'm thinking about is that I should probably get out of this car...
Cameron: Relax. I'm not gonna hurt you.
Buffy: Oh, it's not me I'm worried about.

Buffy: So I'm treated like the baddie just because he has a sprained wrist and a bloody nose. And I don't have a scratch on me, which, granted, hurts my case a little on the surface, but meanwhile he gets away with it because he's on the 'aren't we the most' swim team... who, by the way, if no one's noticed, have been acting like real jerks lately... So, anything new with you guys?
Giles: Thank you for taking an interest.

Buffy: Vampire?
Giles: No. No, he was eviscerated. Nothing left but skin and cartilage.
Xander: In other words, this was no boating accident.
Buffy: So something ripped him open and ate out his insides?
Willow: Like an Oreo Cookie. Well, except for, you know, without the chocolatey cookie goodness.
Giles: Yes. Um, Principal Snyder has, has asked the faculty to keep the news quiet for now, um, so as not to unduly upset the students.
Xander: For 'students': read 'swim team'.

Willow: So, we're looking for a beastie.
Giles: That, uh, eats humans whole... except for the skin.
Buffy: This doesn't make any sense.
Xander: Yeah. The skin's the best part.
Buffy: Any demons with high cholesterol? You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh.

Xander: No, no, no! The mouth's a lot bigger! And downward. Like this. With more teeth!
Cordelia: I'm doing the best I can.
Giles: Is that what you saw, Xander?
Xander: Y... yeah! I think so. Pretty much.
Giles: Aaaaare you sure?
Xander: Well, it was dark! And the thing went through the window so quick, and I was a... little shocked when I saw it, and...
Cordelia: Go ahead. Say it. You ran like a woman.
Xander: Hey, if you saw this thing, you'd run like a woman, too.

Cordelia: God, this is so sad. We're never gonna win the state championship. I think I've lost all will to cheerlead.
Xander: Raise your hand if you feel her pain.

Giles: If you're saying these killings aren't random, it would suggest someone's out for revenge.
Buffy: And raise the possibility that someone brought forth this sea monster from whence it came to exact that revenge. 'From whence it came'? I'm spending way too much time around you.
Xander: Who would hate the swim team that much, though? Besides me, I mean.
Willow: Ooo!
Buffy: Willow?
Willow: Jonathan! He was bullied by Dodd the other day on the beach, remember?
Buffy: He did say he could take care of things himself. It's a good call. You should question him.
Willow: Really? Me? I'll crack him like an egg.

Xander: What about me? What can I do?
Cordelia: Well, you could go out to the parking lot and practice running like a man.

Willow: So, Jonathan. You tried out for the swim team twice and never made it?
Jonathan: I'm asthmatic. I couldn't keep up.
Willow: You resented it, didn't you?
Jonathan: Maybe.
Willow: You hated being pushed around by Dodd and the others.
Jonathan: So?
Willow: So, you wanted revenge. Didn't you? Didn't you?!
Jonathan: Yeah! Okay? I did!
Willow: So... You delved into the black arts and conjured up a hellbeast from the ocean's depths to wreak your vengeance.
Jonathan: Huh?
Willow: Didn't you?
Jonathan: What? No! I snuck in yesterday and... peed in the pool.
Willow: Oh. Eww!

Gage: This me-and-my-shadow act? It's getting old. What do you want from me?
Buffy: Well, um... It's a little embarrassing. You see, I'm a swim groupie.
Gage: Aha.
Buffy: Oh, yeah. You know, there's just something about the smell of chlorine on a guy. Oh, baby.
Gage: Hmm.
Buffy: Uh, okay, okay, okay. Obviously, my sex appeal is on the fritz today, so I'll just give it to you straight. There's something lurking out there, and it's making fillets of the populace, and I think you might be next.
Gage: Uh-huh. And you think that because?
Buffy: Well, it's already attacked. It's already killed some people.
Gage: You're one twisted sister, you know that? Cam told me about your games. Go find someone else to harass.

Gage: What a psycho bitch, man.
Angelus: Gotta be talking about Buffy.
Gage: How'd you know?
Angelus: Uh, she and I... had this thing once. Biggest mistake of my life.
Gage: Yeah. My condolences, dude.
Angelus: She's a real head-tripper.
Gage: Tell me about it. Girl acts like she's God's gift or something.
Angelus: Who is she? The Chosen One?
Gage: Exactly.

Gage: Was that the thing that killed Cameron?
Buffy: No. That was something else.
Gage: S-something else?
Buffy: Yeah. Unfortunately, we have a lot of something elses in this town. Good night.
Gage: Hey! Walk me home?

Cordelia: So he spit it out? I thought Angel liked blood.
Buffy: He used to.
Willow: Maybe his eyes were too big for his stomach.
Buffy: Or maybe there was something in Gage's blood that Angel didn't like. Say, for example, steroids.
Willow: That would explain all their behavioral changes.
Cordelia: And their winning streak.
Willow: So maybe whatever's in their blood is what's attracting this creature to them.
Buffy: Any luck researching our fish monster?
Cordelia: Zippo. We couldn't find any sea demon that matched the description that Xander gave us. Not that Chicken Little's much of a witness, but... Oh. Oh! Oh, my! Now, that, girls, is my kind of...
Willow: Xander?
Cordelia: Xander?!

Cordelia: What the hell are you doing here?
Xander: Shh! I'm undercover.
Buffy: Not under much.
Cordelia: Get out of here before someone sees you impersonating a member of the swim team!
Xander: I don't do impersonations. I tried out for the team last night. I made it.
Cordelia: Really?
Xander: Yeah. I figured I can keep an eye on Gage and the others when Buffy can't.
Willow: When you're nude? I-I meant to say 'changing'.

Cordelia: I'm dating a swimmer from the Sunnydale swim team!
Buffy: You can die happy.

Giles: Well, the, uh, good news is that it would appear that none of your team actually died.
Buffy: But the bad news is... they're monsters.

Giles: They're absorbing the steroid mixture through the steam.
Xander: Not they. We. Me! We have to find an antidote, don't you think? The clock is ticking, people!
Buffy: I wouldn't break out the tartar sauce just yet. I mean, it's not like you were exposed more than once. Twice?
Xander: Three times a Fish Guy.
Buffy and Willow: Oh...
Cordelia: Whoa.
Xander: What am I gonna do?
Cordelia: You, you, you. What about me? It's one thing to be dating the lame unpopular guy, but it's another to be dating the creature from the Blue Lagoon.
Xander: Black Lagoon. The creature from the Blue Lagoon was Brooke Shields. And thank you so much for your support!
Buffy: I think we'd better find the rest of the swim team and lock them up before they get in touch with their inner halibut.

Buffy: You're really getting into this interrogation thing.
Willow: The trick is not to leave any marks.

Coach Marin: After the fall of the Soviet Union, documents came into light detailing experiments with fish DNA on their Olympic swimmers. Tarpon... mako, shark... But they couldn't crack it.
Buffy: And you did... sort of. Why?
Coach Marin: What kind of question is that? For the win! To make my team the best they could be! Do you understand we have a shot at the state championship?
Buffy: Do you understand that I don't care? It's over. There's not gonna be any swim team.
Coach Marin: Boy, when they were handin' out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did you?
Buffy: No. I was in the line for shred of sanity. Which you obviously skipped.

Xander: Does my neck look scaly to you?
Cordelia: Well, of course it looks scaly, the way you've been rubbing it dry like an idiot.
Xander: I need to look in a mirror. Wait here. But feel free to come in if you hear me scream.

Cordelia: Oh, my God! Xander! It's me, Cordelia? I know you can't answer me, but... God, this is all my fault. You joined the swim team to impress me. You were so courageous. And you looked really hot in those Speedo's. And I want you to know that I still care about you, no matter what you look like. And... and we can still date. Or, or not. I mean... I understand if you wanna see other fish. I'll do everything I can to make your quality of life better. Whether that means little bath toys or whatever.
Xander: Uh, Cordy? That's not me.

Buffy: Great. This is just what my reputation needs: that I did it with the entire swim team.

Xander: What's up, coach?
Coach Marin: Oh! Harris. Uh... how you feelin'?
Xander: Little dry. Nothing a lemon butter sauce won't cure.

Xander: Let's see. I gotta take a make-up chem test at three. And then I'm meetin' some of the guys for plasma transfusions at five. It's turned into quite the busy afternoon.
Buffy: The fun never stops with you, does it?
Willow: Giles seems pretty confident that the treatments are gonna work.
Xander: Well, turning into a creepy-crawly wasn't on my top ten list of things to do before I turn twenty.
Cordelia: I want you to know that you've really proven yourself to me. And you don't have to join the new team next year if you don't want. I'd be just as happy if you played football.

The Usual
The Usual

Random Quotage:

Well, she practically had 'Genuine Molded Plastic' stamped on her ass. Just... tryin' a little spicy talk.
-Tara (I Was Made to Love You)

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