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First Date Quotes
First Date Quotes

Giles: It was, uh, extraordinary good luck, of course. And—and, uh, training—years of training. Chao-Ahn, keep up. You're new here, Chao-Ahn, so take note. Remember about training. But I honestly feel the largest part of it was instinct. Instinct and-and reflexes. There's a sort of wary watchfulness I've developed over the years. It's like another sense—

Spike: Anya said you were the First. Said you were evil. You're supposed to be all go-through-able.
Giles: Then what the hell did you tackle me for, you burke? What's that supposed to do?
Spike: I, uh, I didn't think of that.
Giles: More importantly, you just hit me. Why didn't your chip go off?
Spike: Yeah, well...
Buffy: Well, uh, when we were at the Initiative...
Spike: There was a choice.
Buffy: Right. Either repair the chip, or to remove it.
Giles: You had it remov—You removed the chip?
Buffy: Yeah.

Giles: I have to ask—why on Earth did you make that decision?
Buffy: Guess it was instinct, like you were talking about.
Giles: I made that up! I knew the Bringer was there because his shoes squeaked. Buffy, it's crucial that we keep these girls safe. I can't count the dangers— the First, the Bringers, random demons, and now Spike?

Buffy: Spike has a soul now. That's what's gonna stop him from hurting people.
Giles: Buffy...
Buffy: He can be a good man, Giles. I feel it. But he's never gonna get there if we don't give him the chance.
Giles: Buffy, I want more for you. Your feelings for him are coloring your judgement. I can hear it in your voice. And that way lies a future filled with pain. I don't want that for you.
Buffy: We haven't— Things have been different since he came back.
Giles: It doesn't matter if you're not physical with each other anymore. There's a connection. You rely on him, he relies on you. That's what's affecting your judgment.
Buffy: You think I'm losing sight of the big picture, but I'm not. When Spike had that chip, it was like having him in a muzzle. It was wrong. You can't beat evil by doing evil. I know that.

Principal Wood: Hey, Buffy...
Buffy: Yeah?
Principal Wood: Um, what're you doing tonight?
Buffy: Preparing for tomorrow's counseling sessions.
Principal Wood: No, really.
Buffy: Watching a reality show about a millionaire.
Principal Wood: Well, then, I'd, um— I'd like to take you out to dinner, if that's all right with you. I mean, you don't have to. I'm certainly not saying come to dinner if you enjoy having a job. You know, I may have to make up a document saying I didn't just say that and have you sign it.
Buffy: Sure. I'd be happy to have dinner with you.
Principal Wood: Great. I'll draw up the paperwork.

Willow: So, he asked you out to dinner?
Buffy: Yeah. Isn't that weird? I mean, he's a Principal. He's a young, hot Principal with earrings, but he's a Principal. Why do you think he asked me out? I mean, he could be interested, right?
Willow: Yeah, sure. You're a frisky vixen.
Buffy: Or, it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job.
Willow: Oh, right, that—that makes sense too.
Buffy: Or, maybe he knows that I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me.
Willow: Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity.

Willow: Buff, if he's really interested, are you interested back?
Buffy: I don't know. He's good-looking, and he's—he's solid, he's smart, he's normal. So, not the wicked energy, which is nice 'cause I don't want to only be attracted to wicked energy. Or what if he is wicked, in which case, is that why I'm attracted to him?
Willow: I'm gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on.
Buffy: You know what? Yeah, I mean I think I like him. And he'd be good for me.
Willow: Right. Help you move on.
Buffy: Why does everybody in this house think I'm still in love with Spike?
Willow: No, I-I meant move on from this imposed super-self-reliance. Let somebody get close.

Xander: Guys, guess what happened.
Willow: Buffy got a date!
Xander: No, I did. Fine. Way to steal my thunder.
Buffy: Sorry. If it makes you feel better, it's Principal Wood, and I think he's aligned with the First.
Xander: Also, like ten years older than you, right?
Willow: Which is like 100 years younger than your type!
Buffy: Yay. Someone who doesn't remember the Industrial Revolution.
Willow: I think they're gonna end up making out. "Oh, Principal Wood," she'll gasp, "I love your lack of wicked energy."
Buffy: Watch it, or I'm gonna make you talk about your new girlfriend who you hold hands with under the dinner table and think we don't notice.
Willow: How 'bout yours, Xander. Is she evil?
Xander: Well, she's interested in me, so there's a good chance, but I'm hoping for the best.

Giles: Dear lord, I hate that mall. The shop assistants are rude. And everything in the Food Court is sticky.

Xander: That's gotta be rough. Getting just like pulled out of your home, being told you're a potential slayer, not being able to bring anything.
Giles: Yes, and the language barrier is formidable. I was concerned that my Mandarin is a little thin, but as it turns out, she speaks Cantonese, which is thinner. But we muddled through, and, as I suspected, ice cream is a universal language.
Chao-Ahn: (speaking Chinese) Like many from Asia, I am lactose intolerant. I'm very uncomfortable.
Buffy: What'd she say?
Giles: She's grateful to be in the land of plenty.

Buffy: Hey, Will, do you think you can do a computer check on Principal Wood? See if you can find anything out.
Willow: Want me to check your girl out while I'm at it, Xand?
Xander: Nope. I'm going in blind. I'm gonna be an optimist about this. Why go looking for trouble? If it's gonna find you, it's gonna find you.

Andrew: "Getting the most out of your new microwave." Hm. Nice. "Clock comma setting the, page 3."
Jonathan/First: You don't need a manual, it's intuitive. There's a button marked "Clock Set" for pity's sake. What kind of a nerd are you? No wonder you crashed your jet pack.
Andrew: No, get thee behind me. I rebuke thee. Take that, The First!
Jonathan/First: Look, you monkey. Ooh. Ahh. It burns as it ineffectually passes through me. I'm not corporeal, remember. Also, not a vampire, so— a cross?
Andrew: What do you want from me, Jonathan slash The First?

Anya: I don't think it's really a date. That's what I think.
Buffy: Well, it is unclear. That's why I chose a top that says, you know, I'm comfortable in a stodgy office or a swinging casual setting— or killing you, you know, if you're a demon.
Anya: It also says I sometimes get blood on my shoulder. Or it might be pizza. I don't think I can fix it.
Buffy: Thanks for trying.
Anya: And I wasn't talking about your date anyway. I was talking about this sham date of Xander's. I think it's part of a plan to make me jealous.
Buffy: Well, it's not working.
Anya: Are you nuts? Of course it's working. Observe my-my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice.
Buffy: Um, I should really go find something else to wear.
Anya: Fine, go. Leave me here to stew in my impotent rage. I'm also gonna pee, so you should probably go.

Spike: Buffy, I'm all right.
Buffy: You don't have to—
Spike: What? Be noble? I'm not. Really, I'm all right. Think I still dream of a crypt for two with a white picket fence? My eyes are clear.
Buffy: Good. I'm glad. Thank you.
Spike: Never much cared for picket fences, anyway. Bloody dangerous.

Dawn: Nothing? No records or certificates? College transcripts?
Amanda: Looks like the only stuff in the system about Principal Robin Wood is super-recent. Like, since he moved to Sunnydale.
Willow: I've Googled 'til I just can't Google no more. He's not in there.
Kennedy: Well, that's suspicious.

Anya: Giles made them for Chao-Ahn, and now she's locked herself in the bathroom. There's other girls upstairs, and they're starting to complain.
Giles: Those are flashcards. I-I made them to facilitate her training. Chao-Ahn never had a watcher. The language problem—
Willow: You showed her these?
Giles: I wanted her to understand the seriousness of her situation.
Dawn: Holy crap!
Giles: Perhaps I'll rethink the approach.

Buffy: This place is nice. How the hell did you do that?
Principal Wood: I've had a little practice. Never took on two at once before, but I have taken out a vamp here or there. And some demons.
Buffy: So, you're freelance?
Principal Wood: Hm... freelance— I guess that's a good way to put it.

Buffy: Right. OK, um, so I'm guessing that you don't work in an office 15 feet above the hell mouth because you enjoy educational administration?
Principal Wood: Well, I actually do enjoy the work, but yeah. Yeah, you're right. I maneuvered myself into that school, that office— just like I maneuvered you there. The hell mouth draws the bad things in close, and now we're headed for something big, Buffy. Really big, and I need to be here when it happens. I want to help.
Buffy: So, y-you didn't hire me for my counseling skills?
Principal Wood: ...They're valuable too.

Buffy: How? How do you know about slayers?
Principal Wood: Right. OK. See, when I was a little boy, my mother was one. The one, actually—the slayer.
Buffy: Your mother— Wow, I didn't know that any slayers had children.
Principal Wood: Well, I don't know of any others. She was killed when I was four. I still remember her, but it's a little... fuzzy? You know?
Buffy: Um, something got her... a demon—?
Principal Wood: A vampire. Oh, man, I went through this whole "avenging son" phase in my twenties, but I never found him. So, now I just dust as many of them as I can find. I figure, eventually I'll get him. That's probably why we got jumped outside. I'm not very popular with the bumpy-foreheaded crowd, and I bet you aren't either.
Buffy: No. Not most of them. Um, so, do you have any slayer powers? I'm sorry, I—I'm just so floored. I-I have no idea what to ask.
Principal Wood: No, I don't have powers. No super-strength or mythic responsibilities. I'm just a guy with a few skills 'cause her watcher took me in and raised me.

Jonathan/First: This is what you did to him. Took away everything he was and left him like this. You started down a road with that action. You have to keep going.
Andrew: Stop looking like Jonathan. You're not him. You're the First, and you're trying to get me to shoot innocent girls, but I won't do it. I'm good now. When the fight is over, I'm gonna pay for killing Jonathan.
Jonathan/First: You're gonna pay for more than that. Do you know why? Because the biggest, baddest First Evil in the world's angry with you.

Xander: This can't just happen. It can't just keep happening that demon women find me attractive. There's gotta be a reason.
Lissa: You just seem like a nice guy, that's all. And I wanted to get to know you.
Xander: And kill me?
Lissa: Sure. Do the ropes hurt?
Xander: Yes.
Lissa: Good.

Spike: You tried to record the ultimate evil? Why? In a complex effort to royally piss it off?
Kennedy: Guess we succeeded pretty good, huh?
Andrew: God, I never should have gone in wired. Redemption is hard.

Willow: No, it's a text message. Oh, it's from Xander. It's one of our signals.
Amanda: Signals?
Willow: Yeah, the system we set up a while back. Like codes. Uh, this one's either "I just got lucky, don't call me for a while" or "my date's a demon who's trying to kill me."
Kennedy: You don't remember which?
Willow: It was a long time ago.
Dawn: Well, if we play the percentages...
Giles: Something's eating Xander's head.
Anya: Say, that's gratifying.

Anya: Where are they? It's after 2. I can't believe Buffy hasn't brought him home yet. His slut ate him up.
Willow: His slut didn't eat him up. And besides, I thought you were all angry at him.
Anya: My feelings are changeable but intense.
Andrew: I understand your fear, Anya. I know fear myself 'cause, you know, I, um, I enraged that primal force.

Chao-Ahn: (speaking Chinese) Why is everyone up? Are the flashcard monsters attacking? Giles: She says she can't sleep. Um, I made myself some warm milk. You can have it. Chao-Ahn: (speaking Chinese) You're trying to kill me! Giles: She's shy.

Willow: What happened?
Xander: What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay.
Willow: What?
Xander: You heard me. Just tell me what to do. I'm mentally undressing Scott Bakula right now. That's a start, isn't it?
Andrew: Captain Archer...
Xander: Come on, let's get this gay show on the gay road. Help me out here.
Buffy: What if you just start attracting male demons?
Dawn: Clem always liked you.
Anya: It would serve you right.

Giles: Enough! Have you learned nothing from tonight's assorted chaos? There isn't time for fun and games and quips about orientation. These—these aren't a joke. This—this happens. Girls are going to die. We may die. It's time to get serious.

Spike: Did anybody tell you about what happened around here tonight?
Buffy: Willow did. The First is back in the mix.
Spike: It, uh, it talked to the little boy. Said it wasn't time for me yet. I should move out. Leave town before it is time for me.
Buffy: No, you have to stay.
Spike: You've got another demon fighter now.
Buffy: That's not why I need you here.
Spike: Is that right? Why's that then?
Buffy: 'Cause I'm not ready for you to not be here.
Spike: And the Principal? How's he fit in?

Principal Wood: So, you're the First. Why are you here? Why now?
Nikki/First: 'Cause you've been coming up in the world—taking the demons out. It makes a mother proud.
Principal Wood: Yeah? Well, think how pleased she'll be when I help take you out. Until it's time for that, I've got no use for you.
Nikki/First: Would you like to know who killed me? I know you went looking for him.
Principal Wood: You don't know anything.
Nikki/First: Is that right? Well, you can check it out after I tell you. Check the timing. Re-read what the witnesses said, and the people in the subway station—
Principal Wood: Who is it?
Nikki/First: You met him. You know him. You fought at his side.
Principal Wood: Spike.
Nikki/First: Now, what do you say?
Principal Wood: Thank you.

The Usual
The Usual

Random Quotage:

Private Harris reporting for... Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!
-Xander (Halloween)

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