Spike: Here, I could take care of this guy if you want.
Buffy: Whatever. Your call.
Spike: I mean, sure he don't look like much...
Spike: ...but I'd wager he could give you a bit o' nasty. Save you the staking. All you gotta do is-
Buffy: I am not telling my friends about us.
Spike: Right, I'll just be dropping him down to you then.
Buffy: You wanna tell them so badly? Go ahead. You know why? I tried to kill my friends,
my sister, last week... and guess how much they hate me. Zero. Zero much. So I'm thinking,
sleeping with you? They'll deal.
Spike: In that case, why won't you sleep with me again?
Buffy: Because I don't love you.
Dawn: Ah. Three pairs of earrings, a coin purse and a toothbrush.
Buffy: You stole a toothbrush.
Dawn: A mother-of-pearl handle. Very fancy.
Buffy: Yeah, but you stole a toothbrush. As far as rebellious teenagers go, you're kinda square.
Dawn: Dental hygiene is important.
Buffy: Guess this was kind of a lame sisters' day out, huh? I make up for trying to kill you by taking you to
places you can't go in.
Dawn: No, it's my bad. I'm the one that got caught taking stuff.
Buffy: Hey, how about the pet store? You didn't take anything from there, did you?
Dawn: A pocketful of goldfish. It didn't work out.
Jonathan: You don't want to make me rush this.
Warren: I'm not impressed, padawan. When do we hit pay-dirt?
Jonathan: If something goes wrong, it's gonna surge... and we'll be deader than an ex-girlfriend.
Warren: What did you say?
Jonathan: Just let me work!
Andrew: I sorta feel... kinda sorry for him.
Warren: That's a weakness.
Andrew: Um... okay.
Warren: Look at him.
Andrew: He's got that same look on his face, the one he had that time I highlighted in his Babylon 5 novels.
Right before he told his mother on me! Warren! I don't think we can trust him.
Warren: We don't have to. Not for that much longer.
Andrew: Is it gonna be that soon?
Warren: The milk. In the fridge. How long 'til it expires?
Andrew: Well, we got it on Friday, and I remember noticing there wasn't a full two weeks on it,
but we did get it in the fridge pretty quick, unless I'm thinking of the two-percent milk...
Warren: Forget it. It was a thing. It's gonna be soon.
Andrew: Oh. Wow.
Xander: I know there's nothing that I can say or do to make up for what I did. I can't. Sometimes when I wake
up in the morning, I'm like, 'oh god, is this my life? Was that me?'
Anya: Me too.
Xander: But you gotta believe me, please. I want to make up for it. I want to take away the hurt. I
love you so much. I, I may have practiced that a couple times in front of the mirror.
Anya: I just... don't understand what happened.
Xander: I do. I'm an idiot. All I had to do was say something earlier. I could have
spared you from that... that nightmare.
Anya: Said something about what?
Xander: No, no! I mean, you know, if I were, like, more... self-aware. Because, with the whole idiot thing.
Anya: If you had been more self-aware, you would have what? Been able to stop the wedding?
Xander: No no, it's not like that, that's not what... Okay, see, I didn't practice this part.
Anya: Do you still want to get married? Oh.
Xander: Ahn, it's a very complicated question.
Anya: No, actually, it's really not. It's kind of an either-or deal. Do you want to get married?
Xander: Someday, yes, very much. When we're ready. I don't want you to take this as a bad thing. It's good. I love you, I love you so much, I'm just trying to be honest with you.
Anya: Yes, honesty now. Congratulations, Xander, on being honest now. I wonder what the medal will say.
Xander: Okay, clearly I'm not handling this well.
Anya: Well, duh!
Xander: All I want is for us to be together. I love you, I ... I wish we could just go back to the way things were before.
Anya: And I wish you were never born!
Anya: I wish you felt the pain of a thousand searing pokers boiling your heart in its own juices!
Xander: I know, honey. I totally deserve that.
Anya: I... I wish you had tentacles where your beady eyes should be! I wish your intestines were
tied in knots and ripped apart inside your lousy gut!
Xander: They are.
Anya: Really? Right now? Does it hurt?
Xander: God, yes. It hurts so bad it's killing me. Anya... I love you, I want to make this work.
Anya: Those are metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain! What's wrong with me?
Xander: No, honey, it's not you, it's me. That-
Halfrek: What, about this thing with Xander? Don't worry, you'll figure out a way to-
Anya: No, that's just it, I've tried everything. I tried every curse I knew, nothing's worked.
Halfrek: Wait. Did you try to curse him yourself?
Anya: Yeah, I am the wronged party here, of course I-
Halfrek: You can't exact justice against someone on behalf of yourself, silly! How long have you been away?
Anya: I haven't been scorned by a man in, like, a thousand years. I never had to make a wish for myself. There has to be some way around that.
Halfrek: Well... You could try getting someone to make the wish for you. I suppose.
Dawn: Why don't I come patrolling with you tonight?
Buffy: Oh. And then? Maybe we can invite over some strangers and ask them to feed you candy.
Dawn: Well, you guys went out patrolling every night when you were my age.
Buffy: True... but technically, you're one-and-a-half. See, I thought a little levity might... but okay, also no.
Dawn: I just... I just think I could help.
Buffy: I'm sure you could. But it's a little more dangerous than I had in mind.
Buffy: Dawn, I work very hard to keep you away from that stuff. Okay, I don't want you around dangerous things that can kill you.
Dawn: Which would be a perfectly reasonable argument, if my sister was chosen to protect the world from tax
audits? But, see, my sister is you, and... dangerous things that want to kill me seem to find me.
Buffy: But you don't need to go looking for them.
Willow: Well, it was this thing, it just came out from inside her head.
Tara: That's disgusting! What did it look like?
Willow: Well, let's put it this way, if I wasn't gay before...
Tara: God, and this was after the invisible ray?
Tara: Okay, I'm gone for a couple of months-
Willow: Oh, did I tell you about the demon eggs?
Tara: See, now, now I know you're just trying to make me jealous.
Willow: Well, if there's anything we can do, just let us-
Anya: Actually... um... there is an eensy something I could use a little help with. You're lesbians, so the hating
of men will come in handy. Let's talk about Xander.
Tara: Well, it's, it's not really so much about hating the men.
Willow: We're more centered around the... girl on girl action.
Anya: And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander.
Buffy: I don't think he could feel any worse.
Anya: Let's test that theory.
Buffy: Anya, Xander's my friend. I know what he did was wrong, and... if it had happened to me, I'd-
Anya: Wish his penis would explode?
Willow: Well, Xander is a guy, so... it's kinda not the surprise that he likes to watch...
girls... Why are we talking about this?
Anya: We're comforting me!
Tara: Well, I-I guess it's... natural for guys to be interested in-
Anya: God! What kind of lesbians are you?! If you love men so much, go love men!
Anya: Oh my God. Spike hates Xander. Maybe I could get him to wish... dammit, if only
he were a woman. Got it! If I can somehow get someone to wish that Spike were a woman, then I could
go to him - well, he'd be a her by then - then I could go to her -
Halfrek: Anyanka. There's an easier way. Now, I know you have this whole female-power, Take Back the
Night thing, I think that's cute. But I've been telling you for decades - men need a little vengeance now and then, too.
Halfrek: Maybe this is a good chance to try it out.
Spike: She was so raw. I've never felt anything like it.
Anya: Next thing you know... I'm changing to please him. I care if he cares!
Anya: And I'm off my guard. Happy! I'm singing in the shower and doing my sexy dance?!
Spike: Exactly. I... have no dance.
Anya: I did everything for that man. Was it ever enough?
Spike: Never! I was always going above and beyond. I saved the Scoobies how many times? And I
can't stand the lot of you.
Anya: Me either! I hate us! Everybody's so nice. Nobody says what's on their mind.
Spike: You do. That's why you're the only one of them I wouldn't bite if I had the chance.
Spike: Absolutely. I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward.
Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on in front of her, but she was straight about it. That's a virtue.
Anya: Mm. Xander didn't think so. He thought I was rude.
Spike: That's because he's one of them. Uptight. Repressed.
Anya: You think?
Spike: Please. It's no wonder they couldn't deal with the likes of you and me, luv. We should have been dead
hundreds of years ago... and we're the only ones who are really alive.
Jonathan: Oh my god.
Warren: What is that, p-porn?
Jonathan: Oh my god.
Warren: Is that the cam in the Magic Box?
Jonathan: Oh my god.
Andrew: What are they... ohh.
Warren: Is that-
Andrew: He is so cool. And, I mean, the girl is hot too.
Dawn: So. This is it? This is the stuff you've been protecting me from? You and Spike?
Buffy: And a lot of monsters.
Buffy: But it's over. Spike.
Dawn: I wish you'd told me.
Buffy: I kinda didn't wanna admit it to myself.
Dawn: I get that. I know it must hurt. To feel like you have to hide, to keep secrets from everybody?
Anya: It was just, it... it was just a thing. I... I felt bad, and he was just... there.
Buffy: Didn't take long, did it?
Xander: Oh, oh, oh, okay! You had to do it. Because he was there. Like Mt. Everest. Like I used to be.
Anya: And then you weren't. You left me, Xander. At the altar. I don't owe you anything.
Xander: So you go out and bang the first body you can find? Dead or alive?
Anya: Where do you get off judging me?!
Xander: When this is your solution to our problems. I hurt you, and you hit me back? Very mature.
Anya: No, the mature solution is for you to spend your whole life telling stupid, pointless jokes, so that no one
will notice that you are just a scared, insecure little boy!
Xander: I'm not joking now. You let that evil, soulless thing touch you. You wanted me to
feel something? Congratulations, it worked. I look at you... and I feel sick. 'Cause you had sex with that.
Spike: It's good enough for Buffy.
Xander: Shut up and leave her out of...
Xander: I don't want to know this. I don't want to know any of this.
Tara: Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard.
Tara: You can't ever... put them back the way they were.
Willow: Are you okay?
Tara: I'm sorry, it's just... You know, it takes time. You can't just... have coffee and expect-
Willow: I know.
Tara: There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides...
You have to learn if... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives.
It's a long... important process, and... can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now?