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Doublemeat Palace Quotes
Doublemeat Palace Quotes

Willow: So, Buffy went in, but they'd cleared out. And she brought back the stuff that they left... spell books, some parchments, a couple of rare things, charmed objects, and a conjurer's harp... A-and they had other stuff, you know, Razor scooters, and pictures of the Vulcan woman on "Enterprise."
Xander: Ooh! I mean... nerds.

Anya: When I was a vengeance demon, I caused pain and mayhem, certainly. But I put in a full day's work doing it, and I got compensated appropriately.
Xander: Welcome to today's episode of 'Go Money Go!' I hear it daily.
Willow: Yep, for the rest of your life.
Anya: But supervillains... want reward without labor, to make things come easy. It's wrong. Without labor there can be no payment, and vice versa. The country cannot progress. The workers are the tools that shape America.
Buffy: Good to know. I was kinda feelin' like a tool.

Manny: Interesting, isn't it?
Buffy: Oh yes! Like how the cow and the chicken come together even though they've never met. It's like Sleepless in Seattle if, if Meg and Tom were, like, minced.

Gary: Fill this while I get the fries.
Buffy: Fill this? I didn't know there was gonna be drug testing on this job.
Gary: You're funny. You better stop that.
Buffy: Why?
Gary: Productivity. One of Manny's watch-words. 'Levity is the time-thief that picks the pocket of the company.'
Buffy: I prefer the one that goes, 'Manny's a humorless dolt who picks the pocket of he-should-bite-me.'
Gary: You really need to be quiet with that.

Manny: You don't need to be in there.
Buffy: Sorry. I was just curious.
Manny: Curiosity killed the cat.
Buffy: Theory number five. Cat burgers.

Buffy: I don't know. Maybe it's just the video that's freakin' me out. With the cow, and the chicken, all swirly together.
Xander: Mm, make me hungry, why don't you? How's about one of those delicious Medley Meals?

Anya: Well, if you like the food here, honey, maybe we should get it for the reception.
Dawn: You're serving burgers? Cool!
Anya: Well, time is running very short. After Willow gave us the 'whoosh' engagement party, I got slack on the planning 'cause I figured she'd help, but, well, now that's all been blown to hell.
Willow: Hey, standing right here! Standing right exactly here.
Anya: Sorry. Didn't mean to tempt you. Everyone's so delicate. Anyway, I still have to select the bridesmaids' dresses, and, well, then there are the guests from out of town and the ones from the demon realm -- you wouldn't believe how many of them have yet to let us know either way.

Buffy: There you go, and I double-sized it for ya.
Xander: Oh, thank you!
Buffy: And cut way back on the cat.
Xander: Cat?!
Buffy: Just kidding. Probably.

Buffy: This'll make my day complete. What?
Spike: What's in the DoubleMeat nuggets?
Buffy: I'm working. Go away.
Spike: Yeah, and you chose to be in the consumer service profession, and I'm a consumer. Service me.
Buffy: Order something or go.
Spike: Give a bloke a chance for his eyes to adjust. Damn fluorescent lights. Makes me look dead.

Spike: Buffy. You're not happy here.
Buffy: Please don't make this harder.
Spike: You don't belong here. You're something... you're better than this.
Buffy: I need the money.
Spike: I can get money. Walk with me now, come on.
Buffy: I... I need to go help Gary with the fries.
Spike: You gotta get outta here, this place'll do stuff to you. This place'll kill you!

Philip: It eliminates variation. Every burger at every DoubleMeat Palace is the same. People don't like variation.
Buffy: Got it. Variety is the spice of bad.

Buffy: Look! Look what I found under the meat grinder!
Manny: Oh my god.
Buffy: Wanna tell me what's going on?
Manny: I'm not sure.
Buffy: Try again.
Manny: Well... there was an accident, maybe six weeks ago, a grinder incident.
Buffy: Right, but see, this isn't six weeks old. This, is new.
Manny: It is? Oh... well, maybe Gary did come in this morning, or, I don't know, late last night, maybe there was an accident. Got himself to the hospital.
Buffy: Right. Maybe he's in the hospital. Or maybe, he's in the grinder! Huh? Huh? Meat process, secret ingredient? Maybe, Gary's on the grill! Or maybe he's under the pickle chips!

Buffy: Stop! Stop! Everyone, you have to stop! Stop eating! No, you can't have this! It's not beef! It's people! The DoubleMeat Medley is people! The meat layer is definitely people! It's people! It's people! Probably not the chickeny part. But who knows? Who! Knows!
Wig Lady: What about the cherry pie?

Halfrek: Tell me more about Xander.
Anya: You keep asking about him. Do you think I'm making a mistake?
Halfrek: Do you?
Anya: Well, no! Xander, he... He's very kind, and brave... he has the sweetest smile and the nicest body, and... he loves me. I mean, sometimes it isn't easy, but, he does.
Halfrek: Who told you that it isn't easy to love you?
Anya: Well, you know, I'll do something, or say something, and, and then he has to say stuff like, 'it's incorrect for you to appreciate money so much,' or, or, 'Observe: here is how a real human would behave.'
Halfrek: Oh, so he corrects you?
Anya: Well, no, it's just... um... well, no, I mean, now I'm all confused, I mean, wha, do you think there's something wrong with, with the way he treats me?
Halfrek: Do you?
Anya: Okay, you have to stop doing that. I love Xander.
Halfrek: Even though he thinks he knows better than you?
Anya: B-but he doesn't, he doesn't think that.
Halfrek: Okay. I'm sorry. I was just curious. You know, you don't have to say another thing about it if you're not comfortable.
Anya: B-but I am! I mean... it's not like I'm hiding any deficiencies or anything.

Xander: I have absolutely no threes. Go fish.
Buffy: I call an emergency meeting, and this is it? Where's Willow? Where's Anya?
Dawn: I-I couldn't find Willow. I knocked and knocked on her door.
Xander: And Anya's entertaining a vengeance demon named Hallie. Say Buff, did you ever see Anya as a demon? 'Cause if that's it... whoa.

Dawn: Have you been demon-fighting? Is that why you smell funny?
Buffy: No! I'm talking about... Ucch. That's great. That's, that's just great. I try to do the simplest thing in the world, get an ordinary job in a well-lit place, and look, I'm right back where I started. Blood and death and funky smells.

Buffy: Look. Look what I found near the grinder.
Dawn: Ew. Whose is it?
Buffy: I don't know. It might be this guy named Gary, the only one in the whole place who didn't seem all brain-dead. He didn't show up this morning. Except now I think he was there the whole time. As the secret ingredient. We need to analyze that burger. We need to find out if it used to be people.
Xander: What?! People?
Buffy: Xander, you ate the burger?!
Xander: Well, first you say it's cat, then you come in and hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later 'oh and by the way, it happens to be hot delicious human flesh'!
Buffy: I needed that burger to analyze it. Now I'm gonna have to get another one.
Xander: That's your problem with this scenario? You getting seconds?

Dawn: My friend Janice? Her sister's a lawyer.
Xander: You think I should sue over the burger? That's interesting.
Dawn: No, I just mean... Buffy's never gonna be a lawyer, or a doctor. Anything big.
Xander: She's a Slayer. She saves the whole world. That's way bigger.
Dawn: But that means she's gonna have like crap jobs her entire life, right? Minimum wage stuff. I mean, I could still grow up to be anything. But for her... this is it.
Xander: Okay, but maybe you'll be a lawyer or a doctor, and you can use all your money to support your deadbeat sister.
Dawn: Oh, that's terrifically better. Thanks.

Anya: I'm here! I'm here.
Dawn: We're doing chemistry.
Anya: Oh. So sorry I hurried.

Xander: So, Ahn, the way she looked, with... the face... That wasn't what you used to look like, was it?
Anya: Is there something wrong with that? I mean, did you think she was unattractive?
Xander: Okay, is there any answer to that question that won't make you nuts?
Anya: Halfrek was always considered to be a great beauty.
Xander: Well, hon, she was a little... there was some veinyness.
Willow: Hold this. Okay. If the solution reacts to the proteins, then I'll be able to see it. I mean, I'll be able to look through the microscope and, and then see it.
Anya: It's not like you're so perfect either, what with your ... strangely large upper arms and your tendency to criticize.
Xander: Huh?

Amy: Hey.
Willow: Amy.
Amy: Can I come in? My new place isn't set up, and I wanted to borrow some stuff like detergent.
Willow: You really can't.
Amy: I can't borrow detergent? Well, when they start calling me 'stinky Amy,' I'm just gonna say, 'hey, not my fault...'
Willow: I can't spend time with you anymore.
Amy: What?
Willow: You can't come in here again.
Amy: What's up, y-you didn't like your birthday present?
Willow: That's right.
Amy: You're telling me that you didn't have a genuine blast? Come on, that was a sweet spell. That was like a trip to Disneyland without the lines.
Willow: You don't get it. What you did to me was wrong. Do you have any idea how much harder that makes, just, everything?
Amy: You know what I notice? You're not denying that you had fun.
Willow: Shut up.
Amy: Oh, yeah. Sharp argument you got there. Were you on the debate team? I forget. I forgot a lot while you were failing to make me be not a rat.
Willow: Amy. If you really are my friend... you better stay away from me. And if you really aren't... you better stay away from me.


The Usual
The Usual

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And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun!
-Willow (The Initiative)


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