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Dead Man's Party Quotes
Dead Man's Party Quotes

Joyce: Uh, look! It's, uh, Nigerian. We got a very exciting shipment in at the Gallery. I, um, thought I'd hang a few pieces in here. It cheers up the room.
Buffy: It's angry at the room, Mom. It wants the room to suffer.
Joyce: You have no appreciation of primitive art. You going out?
Buffy: Oh. Um... Well, i-if it's okay. I, um... I'd like to find Willow and Xander.
Joyce: Will you be slaying?
Buffy: Only if they give me lip.

Buffy: Didn't anyone ever warn you about playing with pointy sticks? It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.
Xander: You shouldn't sneak up on people like that! Jeez, Buff!

Buffy: You know, maybe it's too late. Maybe we should just come back tomorrow. What if he's mad?
Xander: Mad? Just because you ran away and abandoned your post and your friends and your mom and made him lay awake every night worrying about you? Maybe we should wait out here. Check it out. The Watcher is back on the clock. And just when you were thinking career change, maybe becoming a... a looker or a... a seer.
Giles: Thank you, Xander. Welcome home, Buffy.

Oz: Hey, so you're not wanted for murder anymore.
Buffy: Good. That was such a drag.
Xander: So where were you? Did you go to Belgium?
Buffy: Why would I go to Belgium?
Xander: I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you? Bel-gium!

Giles: Perhaps Buffy could use a little time to adjust before we grill her on her summer activities.
Buffy: What he said.
Xander: Fair enough. In fact, you can leave the slaying to us while you settle in. We got you covered.
Buffy: I noticed. You guys seem down with the slayage, all tricked out with your walkies and everything.
Cordelia: Yeah, but the outfits suck. This whole Rambo thing is so over. I'm thinking more sporty, like Hilfiger maybe.
Willow: Still, we were getting good. We dusted nine out of ten.
Oz: Six out of ten.
Willow: Six out of ten.
Xander: Whatever, we were kicking a little undead booty.

Snyder: Absolutely not. Under no circumstances.
Joyce: But you can't keep her out of school. You don't have the right.
Snyder: I have not only the right, but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself as tingly.
Joyce: Buffy was cleared of all those charges.
Snyder: Yes. And while she may live up to the not-a-murderer requirement for enrollment, she is a troublemaker, destructive to school property and the occasional student. And her grade point average is enough to... I'm sorry. Another tingle moment.
Joyce: I don't see how you can be so cavalier about a young girl's entire future!
Snyder: I'm quite sure that a girl with the talents and abilities of Buffy will land on her feet. In fact, I noticed as I came in this morning that Hot Dog on a Stick is hiring. You will look so cute in that hat.
Buffy: Let's go, Mom.
Joyce: This isn't over. If I have to, I'll go all the way to the Mayor.
Snyder: Wouldn't that be interesting.

Joyce: I just wish you didn't have to be so secretive about things. I mean, it's not your fault you have a special circumstance. They should make allowances for you.
Buffy: Mom, I'm a Slayer. It's not like I need to ride a little bus to school.
Joyce: Couldn't you just tell a few people, like Principal Snyder and maybe the police? I mean, I would think they would be happy to have a... a superhero. Is that the right term? I mean, it's not offensive, is it?

Buffy: Welcome to the Hellmouth Petting Zoo.
Giles: Oh, my God, what a stench!
Buffy: You know, I wanted Forest Pine or April Fresh, but Mom wanted Dead Cat.

Cordelia: Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf, USA Today, or anything?
Giles: I'm trying to find out how and why it rose from the grave. It's not as if I'm going to take it home and offer it a saucer of warm milk.

Willow: What about Buffy's welcome home dinner tonight? I had told her mom we'd help out. Bring stuff.
Cordelia: I'm the dip.
Xander: Uh, you gotta admire the purity of it.
Cordelia: What? Onion dip. Stirring, not cooking. It's what I bring.

Oz: We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean, is it a-a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny?
Cordelia: What's the difference?
Oz: Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny.
Xander: Well, I hate brie.
Cordelia: I know. It smells like Giles' cat.
Giles: It's not my...
Xander: And what'll we talk about at a gathering anyway? 'So, Buffy, did you meet any nice pimps on your travels? And oh, by the by, thanks for ruining our lives for the past three months.'
Willow: Xander...
Xander: You know what I mean. She doesn't want to talk about it, we don't want to talk about it, so why don't we just shut up and dance?

Buffy: Is everything okay? You... You seem to be avoiding me, i-in the one-on-one sense.
Willow: What? This isn't avoiding. See? Here you are, here I am.
Buffy: So we're cool?
Willow: Way! That's why, with the party, 'cause we're all glad you're back.
Buffy: Okay.
Willow: Okay. Good.

Buffy: You wouldn't understand.
Willow: Well, maybe I don't need to understand. Maybe I... I just need you to talk to me.
Buffy: How could I talk to you when you were avoiding me?
Willow: This isn't easy, Buffy! I know you're going through stuff, but... so am I.
Buffy: I know that you were worried about me, but...
Willow: No! I don't just mean that. I mean, my life! You know? I, um... I'm having all sorts of... I'm dating, I'm having serious dating with a werewolf, a-and I'm studying witchcraft and killing vampires, and I didn't have anyone to talk to about all this scary life stuff. And you were my best friend.

Giles: Unbelievable. 'Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead!' Americans.

Joyce: You can't imagine months of not knowing. Not knowing whether you're lying dead in a ditch somewhere or, I don't know, living it up...
Buffy: But you told me! You're the one who said I should go. You said if I leave this house, don't come back. You found out who I really was, and you couldn't deal. Don't you remember?
Joyce: Buffy, you didn't give me time. You just dumped this thing on me and you expected me to get it. Well, guess what? Mom's not perfect, okay? I handled it badly. But that doesn't give you the right to punish me by running away.
Buffy: Punish you? I didn't do this to punish you!
Xander: Well, you did. You should've seen what you put her through.
Buffy: Great. Thanks. Anybody else want to weigh in here? How about you by the dip?
Jonathan: No, thanks. I'm good.
Xander: You know, maybe you don't want to hear it, Buffy, but taking off like you did was incredibly selfish and stupid.
Buffy: Okay! Okay. I screwed up. I know this. But you have no idea! You have, you have no idea what happened to me or what I was feeling!
Xander: Did you even try talking to anybody?
Buffy: There was nothing that anybody could do. Okay? I just had to deal with this on my own.
Xander: Yeah, and you see how well that one worked out. You can't just bury stuff, Buffy. It'll come right back up to get you.

Buffy: As if I even could've gone to you, Xander. You made your feelings about Angel and I perfectly clear.
Xander: Look. I'm sorry that your honey was a demon, but most girls don't hop a Greyhound over boy troubles.
Cordelia: Time out, Xander. Put yourself in Buffy's shoes for just a minute. Okay? I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right? Naturally I pick a freak for a boyfriend, and then he turns into Mr. Killing Spree, which is pretty much my fault...
Buffy: Cordy! Get outta my shoes!
Cordelia: I'm just trying to help, Buffy.
Willow: Buffy, you never...
Buffy: Willow, please. I can't take this from you, too.
Xander: Let her finish! You at least owe her that.
Buffy: God, Xander! Do you think you could at least stick to annoying me on your own behalf?
Xander: Fine! You stop acting like an idiot, I'll stop annoying you!
Buffy: Oh, you wanna talk acting like an idiot? Nighthawk?
Oz: Okay. I'm gonna step in now, being Referee Guy.
Willow: No, let them go, Oz. Talking about it isn't helping. We might as well try some violence. I was being sarcastic!

Giles: Cordelia, it's me! It's me!
Cordelia: How do we know it's really you and not zombie Giles?
Giles: Cordelia, do stop being tiresome.
Cordelia: It's him.

Snyder: Do we have an appointment?
Giles: I'd like to have a word with you.
Snyder: If that word is Buffy, then I have two words for you: 'good' and 'riddance'. Now, if you don't mind, I have an appointment with the Mayor.
Giles: You can't keep her out of this school.
Snyder: I think you'll find I can.
Giles: You had no grounds for expelling her.
Snyder: I have grounds, I have precedent, and a tingly kind of feeling.
Giles: Buffy Summers is a minor, and is entitled to a public education. Your personal dislike of the girl does not legally entitle you to...
Snyder: Why don't you take it up with the city council?
Giles: I thought I'd start with the State Supreme Court. You're powerful in local circles, but I believe I can make life very difficult for you, professionally speaking. And Buffy will be allowed back in.
Snyder: Sorry. I'm not convinced.
Giles: Would you like me to convince you?

Willow: I mean, I'm not a full-fledged witch. That takes years. I just did a couple pagan blessings and... a teeny glamour to hide a zit.
Buffy: Does it scare you?
Willow: It has. I tried to communicate with the spirit world, and I so wasn't ready for that. It's like being pulled apart inside. Plus I blew the power for our whole block. Big scare.
Buffy: I wish I could've been there with you.
Willow: Me, too. I really freaked out.
Buffy: I am sorry.
Willow: It's okay. I understand you having to bail. I can forgive that. Mm, I have to make allowances for what you're going through a-and be a grownup about it.
Buffy: You're really enjoying this whole moral superiority thing, aren't you?
Willow: It's like a drug!
Buffy: Fine! Okay. I'm the bad. I can take my lumps... for a while.
Willow: All right. I'll stop giving you a hard time. Runaway.
Buffy: Will!
Willow: I'm sorry! Quitter.
Buffy: Whiner.
Willow: Bailer.
Buffy: Harpy.
Willow: Delinquent.
Buffy: Tramp.
Willow: Bad seed.
Buffy: Witch.
Willow: Freak.

The Usual
The Usual

Random Quotage:

I'm on a beach, but not one of those American beaches, one of those island beaches where the water's way too blue, and I'm laying on my towel, and it's just before sunset, and Gavin Rossdale's massaging my feet!
Oh, that's good! Uh, I'm in Florence, Italy, I've rented a scooter that's parked outside, and I'm in a little restaurant eating ziti, and there are no more tables left, so they have to seat this guy with me, and it's John Cusack!
Ooo! Very impressive. You have such an eye for detail.
'Cause with the ziti!
-Buffy and Willow (The Dark Age)

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