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The Dark Age Quotes
The Dark Age Quotes

Giles: Must we have this noise during your calisthenics?
Buffy: It's not noise! It's music!
Giles: I know music. Music has notes. This is noise.
Buffy: I'm aerobicising! I must have a beat!
Giles: Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears.

Buffy: I'm on a beach, but not one of those American beaches, one of those island beaches where the water's way too blue, and I'm laying on my towel, and it's just before sunset, and Gavin Rossdale's massaging my feet!
Willow: Oh, that's good! Uh, I'm in Florence, Italy, I've rented a scooter that's parked outside, and I'm in a little restaurant eating ziti, and there are no more tables left, so they have to seat this guy with me, and it's John Cusack!
Buffy: Ooo! Very impressive. You have such an eye for detail.
Willow: 'Cause with the ziti!
Xander: What are you two up to?
Buffy: Just having a quick game of 'Anywhere But Here'.
Xander: Ooohhh. Amy Yip at the waterslide park.
Willow: You never come up with anything new.
Xander: I'm just not fickle like you two, okay? I'm constant in my affections. Amy Yip at the waterslide park!

Willow: Do you think Giles ever played 'Anywhere But Here' when he was in school?
Xander: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades.
Buffy: He probably sat in math class thinking, 'There should be more math. This could be mathier.'
Willow: C'mon, you don't think he ever got restless as a kid?
Buffy: Are you kidding? His diapers were tweed.

Buffy: So, what's on tap tonight that's so important? Uprising, prophesied ritual, preordained deathfest?
Xander: Ah, the old standards!
Giles: Um, a medical transport is delivering the monthly supply of blood to the hospital.
Buffy: Mm. Vampire Meals-On-Wheels.
Giles: Hopefully not. Uh, we'll meet outside the hospital at 8:30 sharp. I'll bring the weaponry.
Buffy: I'll bring the party mix!
Giles: Just don't be late.
Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?

Jenny: We still on for tomorrow?
Xander: What's tomorrow?
Jenny: I'm reviewing some computer basics for the couple of students who've fallen behind. Willow's helping out for extra credit.
Xander: Those poor schlubs have to attend school on Saturday!
Jenny: 9am okay with you, Xander?
Buffy: Got a bit of schlub on your shoe there.
Xander: Heh, heh.
Jenny: Well, Cordelia's gonna meet us.
Xander: Ooo, gang, did ya hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery, and it's my best day ever!

Jenny: Oh! Thank you so much for loaning me the Forrester book. It's wonderful!
Giles: Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Jenny: Yeah, it was so romantic, so evocative.
Giles: That edition was my father's. I, I, I must've read it... twenty times.
Jenny: Yeah, y'know how you have to, to dog-ear your favorite pages so you can go back to them?
Giles: Uh, uh, uh, what?
Jenny: Well, I mean, I-I practically had to fold back every single page. So finally I just, I just started underlining all the pages I really wanted to discuss.
Giles: U-u-underlined...?
Jenny: But then, of course, I spilled coffee all over it, I can't even read it...
Giles: It's a first edition!
Jenny: I'm lying, Rupert. The book's fine. I just love to see you squirm.
Giles: Yes, well, I, uh... trust I gave good... squirm.
Jenny: Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a fuddy-duddy?
Giles: Nobody ever seems to tell me anything else.
Jenny: Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a sexy fuddy-duddy?
Giles: Well, no. Actually that, that part usually gets left out. I c-can't imagine why.

Cordelia: Well, evil just compounds evil, doesn't it? First I'm sentenced to a computer tutorial on Saturday, now I have to read some computer book... There are books on computers? Isn't the point of computers to replace books?
Giles: Cordelia, I'm a little busy right now.
Cordelia: Oh! Great! Can you help me with a ticket? It's totally bogus. It was a one-way street. I was going one way.
Giles: Cordelia!
Cordelia: What?! Why does everyone always yell my name? I'm not deaf! And I can take a hint. What's the hint?
Giles: To come back later.
Cordelia: Yeah, when you've visited decaf land.

Buffy: Thanks. I'm worried about Giles. He was supposed to meet me here.
Angel: Maybe he's late.
Buffy: Giles? Who counts tardiness as, like, the eighth deadly sin?
Angel: Right. Go.

Giles: Buffy. I-it's late. Uh, are you alright?
Buffy: I was gonna ask you the same thing.
Giles: Yes, I'm fine, fine. Look, I'm, uh, I'm rather busy a-at the moment, so, uh, I'll see you on Monday at, at school.
Buffy: Giles, did you forget? The hospital, vampires, handy carryout packets of blood?
Giles: Oh! Yes, uh, are you alright? W-were you hurt?
Buffy: No. I mean, my feelings a little. What's wrong?
Giles: Nothing, nothing, nothing's wrong. I-I'm just in the, uh, middle of something extremely important, and, uh, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to say good night now.

Cordelia: This isn't right. School on a Saturday. It throws off my internal clock.
Xander: When are we gonna need computers for real life anyway?
Jenny: Hmm, let's see. There's home, school, work, games...
Xander: Y'know, computers are on the way out. I think paper's gonna make a big comeback.
Willow: And the abacus.
Xander: Yeah, you know, you don't see enough abaci.

Jenny: Alright, guys. The first thing we're gonna do is... Buffy!
Xander: Huh? Did I fall asleep already?
Willow: Aw, you miss your friends?
Xander: Uh, sit here, Buffs! Demilitarize the zone between me and Cordelia!
Cordelia: Yeah, and delouse him while you're at it.

Xander: Is there some crisis that requires instant action? Very far from here?
Buffy: It's Giles.
Jenny: Well, he's alright, isn't he?
Buffy: I don't know. Uh, he didn't show up when he was supposed to last night, and then, when I went over to his place, he was acting... well, very anti-Giles. He wouldn't let me in, and he looked really bad. I-I think he might've been... I think he was drinking.
Jenny: He was home alone drinking?
Willow: But... tea, right?
Buffy: Wasn't tea, Will.
Xander: Yep, yep, I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My Uncle Roary was the stodgiest taxidermist you've ever met by day. By night, it was booze, whores, and fur flying. Were there whores?
Buffy: He was alone.
Xander: Give it time.

Buffy: So, none of you guys have noticed anything different lately?
Willow: No!
Jenny: Not really.
Buffy: Uh, you haven't seen anything weird?
Xander: Nope.
Cordelia: No, he seemed perfectly normal yesterday when I saw him talking to the police.
Buffy: And you waited till now to tell us this because...?
Cordelia: I didn't think it was important.
Xander: We understand. It wasn't about you.
Jenny: Well, what were the police talking to him about?
Cordelia: Oh, don't tell me, I know this one. Um... Something about... a homicide.
Buffy: That's it. I-I'm calling him right now.

Buffy: You sold me that dress for Halloween, and nearly got us all killed!
Ethan: But you looked great. Owww! So now we're even?
Buffy: I'll let you know when we're even. What're you doing here?
Ethan: Snooping around.
Buffy: Honesty. Nice touch.
Ethan: It's one of my virtues. Not really.

Giles: Is everyone alright?
Cordelia: Super! I kicked a guy!
Jenny: We're okay.
Xander: Deadguy here interrupted our tutorial. Been meaning to thank you for that.

Cordelia: Uh, why did he call him Ripper?
Giles: You should've left when I told you.
Cordelia: Ohhhh...
Buffy: Giles?!
Giles: You put these people in danger. The people I care about.
Ethan: If you cared so much about them, why didn't you leave town? You've been having the dreams, I know. I have. We both know what's coming.

Willow: Now, there's something you don't see everyday.
Cordelia: I'm gonna be in therapy till I'm thirty.

Buffy: I lost Ethan. Giles, what's going on?
Giles: It's complicated, Buffy, and quite frankly, it's private.
Buffy: I don't care from private! I care from dead guys attacking us. I care from you lost weekending in your apartment.
Giles: I wasn't... I was just trying to find a solution.
Buffy: Giles, share! What is the Mark of Eyghon?
Giles: Hey! This is not your battle! And as your Watcher, I'm telling you unequivocally to stay out of it!

Buffy: We have work to do. Will, I want you to find out anything and everything you can about the Mark of Eyghon.
Willow: I'll try the 'Net, but 'Mark of Eyghon' sounds like Giles and his books sorta deal.
Buffy: Then we hit the books. Xander, how do you feel about digging through some of Giles' personal files and seeing what you can find?
Xander: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath? Nah.
Buffy: What?
Cordelia: What about me? I care about Giles.
Buffy: Uh, work with Xander.
Cordelia: Well, when I say 'care', I, I mean...
Buffy: Cordelia...
Cordelia: Okay, okay!

Willow: Ah! Aha! It's not Egyptian, it's Etruscan mistaken for Egyptian by the design pattern, but any fool can see it predates their iconology. Look, the Mark of Eyghon, worn by his initiates. 'Eyghon, also called the Sleepwalker, can only exist in this reality by possessing an unconscious host. Temporary possession imbues the host with a euphoric feeling of power.'
Buffy: Yeah, but what about non-temporary?
Willow: 'Unless the proper rituals are observed, the possession is permanent, and Eyghon will be born from within the host.'
Cordelia: I'm guessing eww!
Willow: Wait. Hey, listen. 'Once called, Eyghon can also take possession of the dead, but its demonic energy soon disintegrates the host, and it must jump to the nearest dead or unconscious person to continue living.'
Buffy: I still don't get what this has to do with Giles.
Willow: I don't know about Giles, but ancient sects used to induce possession for bacchanals and, and orgies.
Xander: Okay! Giles and orgies in the same sentence. I coulda lived without that one.
Buffy: Uh, wait a minute. The dead guy's all puddly now.
Cordelia: So the demon's gone. There was no one dead to jump into. I mean, we're all not dead, right?
Buffy: No, no one dead.
Xander: But someone unconscious.

Giles: Jenny, uh... I'm, I'm really very attracted t-to you.
Jenny/Eyghon: Good.
Giles: But, um, now really isn't the right time.
Jenny/Eyghon: Oh, there's never been a better time.
Giles: It's not right. I would be taking advantage.
Jenny/Eyghon: God, you just don't change, do you?
Giles: What?
Jenny/Eyghon: It's not right, it wouldn't be proper, people might get hurt. You're like a woman, Ripper. You cry at every funeral. You never had the strength for me. You don't deserve me. But guess what? You've got me. Under your skin. Was it good for you? Aw, you never had the stomach. But that's okay. 'Cause I'm about to rip it out!

Buffy: Talk to me! Giles, you're scaring me.
Giles: I'm sorry.
Buffy: Don't be sorry, be Giles. C'mon, we fight monsters. This is what we do. They show up, they scare us, I beat 'em up and they go away. This isn't any different!
Giles: It is different.
Buffy: Because you don't know how to stop it?
Giles: Because I created it!

Willow: Did you find anything?
Xander: The most meticulous banking and phone records you've ever seen. And, um, this.
Willow: That's Giles?

Giles: I was twenty-one, studying history at Oxford. And, of course, the occult by night. I hated it. The tedious grind of study, the... overwhelming pressure of my destiny. I dropped out, I went to London... I fell in with the worst crowd that would have me. We practiced magicks. Small stuff for pleasure or gain. And Ethan and I discovered something... bigger.
Buffy: Eyghon.
Giles: Yes. One of us would, um... go into a deep sleep, and the others would, uh, summon him. It was an extraordinary high! God, we were fools.
Buffy: You couldn't control it.
Giles: One of us, Randall, he lost control. Eyghon took him whole. We tried to exorcise the demon from Randall, but it killed him. No. We killed him. We thought we were free of the demon after that. But now he's back. And one by one, he will kill us all.
Buffy: Three down, two to go? Then it's going after Ethan. I better beat it there.
Giles: We'd better.
Buffy: I'd better. Giles, you're barely mobile, and speed is of a serious essence here.
Giles: I don't know how to stop it without killing Jenny.
Buffy: I've got the guys working on it. I'll, um, try to contain it until we figure something.
Giles: Buffy? I'm sorry.
Buffy: I know.

Ethan: Well, we can't run. Eyghon will find us. This mark's like a homing beacon.
Buffy: That's okay. I'm not much into running.
Ethan: Aren't we manly?
Buffy: One of us is. You're gonna hide till it's over.
Ethan: Excellent plan.

Ethan: Y'know, I hope you're not taking this personally, Buffy. I actually kinda like you. It's ju, it's just that I like myself a whole lot more. If you think of it karmically, this is, this is really big for your soul. You know, taking my place with the demon, giving so that others may live.
Buffy: I'm gonna kill you. Will that blow the whole karma thing?
Ethan: Sweet child. Now, this may sting a little just at first. But don't worry, that'll go away once the searing pain kicks in. You can go ahead and scream if you like.

Willow: We have to figure out how to kill this thing, and we need to do it fast.
Xander: Uh, 'hot lava.'
Willow: That's for a heretic.
Xander: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, ooo, ooo! 'Bury a potato!' No, that's for warts. Who writes this stuff?
Cordelia: I've got the solution right here. 'To kill a demon cut off its head.'
Xander: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah! We'll, uh, find Ms. Calendar, then we'll decapitate her. Hey! She'll be the first headless computer teacher in school. You think anybody'll notice?
Cordelia: Do you know what you need, Xander, besides a year's supply of acne cream? A brain.
Xander: That's it! Twelve years of you and I'm snappin'! I don't care if you're a girl or not, I'm throwin' down! Come on!
Cordelia: I've seen you fight. And don't think I can't take you!
Xander: Give it your best shot.
Willow: HEY! We don't have time for this! Our friends are in trouble! Now, we have to put our heads together and, and get them out of it! And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!
Cordelia: We're sorry.
Xander: We'll be good.

Buffy: You knew that if the demon was in trouble it was gonna jump into the nearest dead person.
Angel: I put it in danger.
Willow: And it jumped.
Angel: I've had a demon inside me for a couple hundred years... just waitin' for a good fight.
Buffy: Winner and still champion.
Xander: Uh, I think that Ethan guy disappeared again.
Buffy: Darn. I really wanted to hit him till he bled.

Buffy: You know what the worst thing is? I was saving up for some very important shoes, and now I have to blow my entire allowance to get this stupid tattoo removed. Let's just hope my mom doesn't see it first.
Xander: Puttin' that demon into Angel was pretty brill, Will.
Willow: I wasn't sure it was gonna work.
Buffy: But it did.
Xander: Like a charm.
Buffy: Hey! Maybe you should consider a career as a Watcher.
Willow: Oh, no, I don't think I could handle the stress.
Xander: And the dental plan is crap.
Willow: I don't see how Giles does it.
Buffy: I don't think he has a choice.

Giles: Uh... I-I-I tried to call you last night, s-see how you were.
Jenny: Yeah, I-I-I, uh... I left my phone off the hook. I seem to need a lot of sleep lately.
Giles: But, but you're al-alright? Is, is, is there anything you need?
Jenny: Mm, no, I'm fine. I mean, I'm not... running around, wind in my hair, 'the hills are alive with the sound of music' fine, but... I'm coping.
Giles: I, I would like to help.
Jenny: I know.
Giles: Perhaps we could, um, talk sometime, um... dinner, or, or a drink? When you're feeling stronger.
Jenny: Sure, sometime. Yeah. Sometime. I better get to class.
Giles: Yes, of course.

Buffy: Is she okay?
Giles: Um... The hills are not alive.
Buffy: I'm sorry to hear that. I think.
Giles: I don't think she'll ever really forgive me. Maybe she shouldn't.
Buffy: Maybe you should.
Giles: I never wanted you to see that side of me.
Buffy: I'm not gonna lie to you. It was scary. I'm so used to you being a grownup, and then I find out that you're a person.
Giles: Most grownups are.
Buffy: Who would've thought?
Giles: Some are even, uh... shortsighted, foolish people.
Buffy: So, after all this time, we finally find out that we do have something in common. Which, apart from being a little weird, is kind of okay. I think we're supposed to be training right now.
Giles: Yes. Yes. Um, need to concentrate on your flexibility.
Buffy: And you know what? I have just the perfect music. Go on, say it. You know you want to.
Giles: It's not music, it's just, uh, meaningless sounds.
Buffy: There. Feel better?
Giles: Yes. Thanks. Bay City Rollers. Now, that's music.
Buffy: I didn't hear that.


The Usual
The Usual

Random Quotage:

Does it ever get easy?
You mean life?
Yeah. Does it get easy?
What do you want me to say?
Lie to me.
Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Liar.
-Buffy and Giles (Lie to Me)


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