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Bargaining Quotes
Bargaining Quotes

Spike: "I'm never gonna get anything killed with you lot holding me back."
Tara: "I thought the big ones were supposed to tire more easily."
Spike: "No, that's over-the-hill shopkeepers."
Giles: "I'm fine. I just need to... to die for a minute."
Spike: "It was that powder you blew at him made him rabbit off."
Tara: "It's sorbis root, it was supposed to confuse him, but... it just kinda made him peppy. It's not supposed to mix with anything, you think he might be taking prescription medication?"
Spike: "Yeah, that must be it."
Giles: "Good god, I hope he doesn't try to operate heavy machinery."

Xander: "Sounds like the other units are engaged."
Willow: (telepathically) "Xander, Anya, stop!"
Xander: "Great googly-moogly, Willow, would you quit doing that?"
Willow: (telepathically) "I told you I was going to get the lay of the land."
Xander: "But not the lay of my brain."
Anya: "It's kind of intrusive. You could knock first or something."
Willow: (telepathically) "Xander-"
Xander: "I know, I know, I don't have to talk when I answer you. But I saw "The Fury," and that way lies spooky carnival death."

Giles: "You might have let me in on your plan while he throttled me."
Spike: "Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea?"

Buffybot: "That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!"
Spike: "What's with the Dadaism, Red?"
Tara: "Yeah, she says that pie thing every time she stakes a vamp now."
Willow: "I-I don't know, I was trying to program in some new puns and I kinda ended up with word salad."
Buffybot: "I think it's funny."
Willow: "It's a glitch, I'll fix it."
Giles: "We just can't have her messing up in front of the wrong person. Or the wrong thing. We, we need the, the world and the underworld to believe that Buffy is alive and well."
Willow: "And I will therefore fix it. I got her head back on, didn't I? And I got her off those knock-knock jokes."
Buffybot: "Ooh, who's there?"
Xander: "You know, if we want her to be exactly-"
Spike: "She'll never be exactly."
Xander: "I know."
Tara: "The only really real Buffy is really Buffy."
Giles: "And she's gone."
Buffybot: "'If we want her to be exactly she'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she's gone' who?"

Willow: Where's my clog? I think there's a clog-eating monster under the bed. It's really those lesser-known monsters that make living in Sunnydale so hard."
Tara: "I believe that that is a Dawn monster. She borrowed them yesterday."

Tara: "You okay?"
Willow: "Besides terror about today and a general feeling of impending doom, swell."
Tara: "Breakfast will make all things better."
Willow: "Ooh, pancakes could go in bellies."

Tara: "Oh, um, here's some juice, and... pancakes are on the way. Funny shapes or rounds?"
Dawn: "Rounds are fine. Uh, what's up with the mega-witches?"
Tara: "Oh, I don't know if you can call us mega, Willow maybe-"
Dawn: "No, I mean... who's gonna eat all that?"
Tara: "Oh! Oops, um... she wanted to help, and I got her started, but then I forgot to un-start."

Xander: "House of chicks, relax. I am a man, and I have a tool. Tools. Lots of plural tools. In my, uh... toolbox. Ah! Sandwiches. Excellent. Men like sandwiches."

Willow: Hello? Hey, Anya. Really? That's fantastic! Uh, Anya found that thing, for tonight."
Xander: "Yeah? Great."
Willow: "And you're her sweet cookie-face."
Xander: "I go by many names."

Buffybot: "What is this?"
Dawn: "Oh, um, this is our city of the future. I made the hover-cars. They're orange-juice cans, see?"
Buffybot: "They're very nice. But I-I still don't understand."
Teacher: "We're reading Walden. This is, uh... a kid's version of a utopian society. You'll notice there are no schools but an extraordinary number of pizza parlors."
Buffybot: "I don't think I know of a breed of humans this small. Who's going to live here?"
Dawn: "Ha ha ha! Oh... god, she's always like this. Ha ha! Come on, wacky Buffy."

Giles: "Anya, this register report for January looks a bit off. Pull the files again." Anya: "Are you mad at me?"
Giles: "Mad? No, I'm-I'm-"
Anya: "Well then why are you torturing me? You know, I used to punish people like this when I was a demon. I made them double-check spreadsheets for all eternity."
Giles: "I'm sorry if you resent my authority, but I won't feel comfortable leaving here until I know that absolutely everything-"
Anya: "You're taking the Ramadan effigy?!"
Giles: "It's not inventory, it's my personal collection."
Anya: "Oh, huh. Aren't you Mister Dicey Semantics. So, what, you think you can just take anything you want? Give it!"
Giles: "No, you give it! Ow! Ow! Ow!"
Xander: "Okay, when I'm marveling at the immaturity..."

Xander: "What are you doing? What kind of gratitude is that?"
Anya: "I know, I know. It's just... he keeps saying he's going, and then he doesn't. And I keep almost being in charge, but then I'm not. And maybe he shouldn't be going at all, but we can't talk about that. And it all just leaves me with this stress and bossiness stored up, and it just... leaks out."
Xander: "Just give it time, Ahn. This is hard for all of us. Just... be patient."
Anya: "I was being patient, but it took too long. I mean, I-I miss Buffy. I do. But life shouldn't just stop because she's gone. I'm sick of waiting to take over here, and I'm sick of waiting to tell everyone about us."
Xander: "We've talked about this. We can't announce our engagement while things are so up in the air."
Anya: "Why not? It's happy news. Happy news in hard times is a good thing."
Xander: "It is, but... if things go as planned, everything could be different. Let's just hold on."
Anya: "You've been saying that all summer."
Xander: "Please, Anya. We'll know more after we talk to Willow and Tara tonight."
Anya: "Fine, whatever. Just remember that this whole marriage thing was your stupid idea. I didn't ask to be all crazy."

Tara: "The urn of Osiris."
Willow: "You really found it."
Anya: "Yeah. It wasn't easy. I went through every supplier the Magic Box has."
Willow: "You used a Magic Box supplier? What if Giles finds out?"
Anya: "He's too busy not leaving to pay attention to me. Besides, I ended up getting it on eBay."
Tara: "You found the last known urn of Osiris on eBay?"
Anya: "Yeah, from this desert gnome in Cairo. He drove a really hard bargain, but I finally got him to throw in a limited edition Backstreet Boys lunchbox for a... a friend."

Willow: "It's the one. Which means it's time."
Xander: "It's time? Like, time time? With the... timeliness?"
Anya: "Are you sure?"
Willow: "I am."
Tara: "Mercury's in retrograde, and we have... Do we have everything?"
Willow: "Just about."
Xander: "But why the sudden rushy-rush? I mean, did the bot blow our cover at school?"
Tara: "No, she did great, she impressed all the teachers."
Xander: "And they still thought it was Buffy?"
Willow: "Tomorrow night, we'll meet back here."
Xander: "Whoa! Let's apply the brakes and check the rear and side-view mirrors here. This is deep stuff, Willow. We're talking about raising the dead."
Willow: "It's time we stop talking. Tomorrow night... we're bringing Buffy back."

Xander: "Tomorrow? I don't know."
Anya: "Um, Di-Discovery Channel has monkeys. And our tape machine's all wonky."
Willow: "Guys, I need you on board here."
Xander: "It's just... It feels wrong."
Tara: "It is wrong. It's against all the laws of nature, and practically impossible to do, but it's what we agreed to. If-if you guys are changing your minds-"
Willow: "Nobody's changing their minds. Period."
Xander: "Excuse me? Who made you the boss of the group?"
Anya: "You did."
Tara: "You said Willow should be boss."
Anya: "And then you said 'let's vote,' and it was unanimous...
Tara: "...and then you made her this little plaque, that said 'Boss of Us,' you put little sparkles on it..."
Xander: "Valid points, all. But we... I mean... we were just talking then."
Willow: "Xander, I can do this, I promise. But not without you."

Xander: "Scenario - We raise Buffy from the grave, she tries to eat our brains. Do we, a) congratulate ourselves on a job well done-"
Willow: "Xander, this isn't zombies."
Anya: "Zombies don't eat brains anyway unless instructed to by their zombie masters. A lot of people get that wrong."
Willow: "This isn't like Dawn trying to bring Mrs. Summers back, or anything we've dealt with before. Buffy didn't die a natural death. She was killed by mystical energy."
Tara: "Which means we do have a shot."
Willow: "It means more than that. It means we don't know... where she really is."
Xander: "We saw her body, Will. We buried it."
Willow: "Her body, yeah. But her soul... her essence... I mean, that could be somewhere else. She could be trapped, in-in some sort of hell dimension like Angel was. Suffering eternal torment, just because she saved us, and I'm not gonna let... I'm not gonna leave her there. It's Buffy."
Xander: "What time do we meet?"

Buffybot: "Sorry I questioned you, Spike. You know I admire your brain almost as much as your washboard abs."
Spike: "I told you to make her stop doing that."
Willow: "I did. I mean, I thought I got all that stuff out of the program."
Spike: "Well, you've got her opened up, fix it."

Buffybot: "I think Spike stopped liking me."
Willow: "That's not true, he-he thinks you're swell."
Buffybot: "Then how come he never looks at me any more? Even when he's talking to me."
Willow: "He just gets cranky, the way vampires do. Now, just relax. I am gonna make you good as new. I promise."

Giles: "That was splendid. Now... try it again... only this time, remember your breathing. No, uh, that's good, but, uh ... (We see Anya come in and stop in the doorway, watching) ...think of the breath as chi. Air as a, a life source."
Buffybot: "I don't require oxygen to live."
Giles: "Of course, strictly speaking, but-"
Anya: "Um... Maybe you should stick to the standard drill. You know, you don't want her to blow another gasket. Giles: "I'm testing her responses after her injury. I see no harm in imparting a little Eastern philosophy."
Anya: "Well, I just think that, the concept of chi might be a little, you know, hard for her to grasp. You know, she's not the descendant of a long line of mystical warriors. She's the descendant of a toaster oven."
Giles: "Yes, well, I appreciate your input, Anya, but I think Buffybot has responded nicely to our sessions."
Anya: "Well, you're the boss. Still."

Giles: "Perhaps Anya's right. Perhaps I am trying to teach you as if you were..."
Buffybot: "Human?"
Giles: "Yes."
Buffybot: "I like your teachings. Every Slayer needs her Watcher."
Giles: "I'm not so sure about that."
Buffybot: "What do you mean?"
Giles: "Nothing. I just can't help but wonder if... she would have been better off without me. Buffy."
Buffybot: "I don't think that's true. You were very helpful to her."
Giles: "Right. Yes, I was a perfect Watcher. I did what any good Watcher would do. Got my Slayer killed in the line of duty."
Buffybot: "Oh, that wasn't your fault."
Giles: "Of course not. That's how all Slayer/Watcher relationships end, isn't it? She's gone. I did my job."
Buffybot: "Well, then why are you still here?"

Tara: "Hey. You're late."
Willow: "Oh. I, uh, had to get that thing."
Xander: "Giles isn't around, you can dump the cryptic."
Willow: "The last spell ingredient."
Xander: "Okay, right. What is vino de madre anyway?"
Willow: "Wine of the mother. Kind of... black market stuff."
Tara: "Black market, you-you didn't tell me that. You shouldn't have gone alone, it could have been dangerous."
Willow: "Sorry. I didn't... I was careful."
Anya: "Well, it must be something pretty intense. The black market's all baby teeth and spooky fluids."
Willow: "All I know is we have to have it to finish the spell, so, it's good stuff in my book."

Tara: "It's better if we stay together."
Willow: "Aw, you got butterflies, baby?"
Tara: "More like bats."
Anya: "Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me."
Tara: "That's okay, thanks."
Willow: "You tell those bats that everything is gonna be all right. I promise. We couldn't be more prepared."
Tara: "I know, I just wish it was time, I- I can't stand worrying about it anymore."
Anya: "Um... well, it's your lucky day then. I have something that will distract you."
Willow: "What?"
Xander: "'I've gone. Not one for long good-byes. I thought it best to slip out quietly. Love to you all, Giles.'"

Willow: "You really think we'd let you get away with that?"
Giles: "I was trying to avoid a scene, really."
Willow: "Like we'd make a scene."
Giles: "Not you. Me."
Anya: "Um, we, uh, brought you some lovely parting gifts. It's American. Get it? Apple pie? To remind you of all the good food you won't be eating."
Tara: "A-and a monster, sort of a Sunnydale souvenir we thought. Grr! Argh!"
Giles: "Thank you."
Xander: "And I wanted to buy you a can of Old English 800, 'cause, you know, England, and you, and... because at the time it sounded really funny. But the guy who lives in the box in front of the store, he, uh, wouldn't buy it for us."
Dawn: "We got your presents at the gas station. We were kind of in a hurry. Um, we made this in the car. That's why the letters are all shaky."
Giles: "This is, uh... impossible, really."
Willow: "We just wanted you to know that... we'll miss you. Uh, but we'll be okay. We'll miss you, but, we'll be okay."
Anya: "I'll take really good care of your money."
Giles: "Yes, I have no doubt."
P.A. Announcer: "...passengers, Flight 3982, leaving for Los Angeles, and continuing to London. Rows 20 through 30..."
Giles: "That's me."
Willow: "Now? We just made it."
Giles: "Just, yes. Well, if we're going to do this, let's do it properly. ...I'm just a phone call away... if you need anything. You must promise me."
Dawn: "I do. I promise."
Giles: "Willow. I don't know where to start."
Willow: "Well, maybe you shouldn't. I'm trying to be stiff-upper-lippy."
Giles: "Right, right."
Willow: "Well, you should get going. Don't you have a life or something?"
Giles: "Um, well, I suppose that's the question really. Just, uh... be careful. Please."

Xander: "Can you believe the timing? I mean, he's leaving right when we're ready to... do the thing tonight."
Willow: "I know, I had hoped we'd figure it out before he, uh... before he left."
Anya: "Maybe we should have told him. I mean, what if it works?"
Willow: "He'll come back."

Xander: "Willow!"
Tara: "No! She t - she told me... she'd be tested. This is supposed to happen."
Willow: "Osiris! Here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over."
Xander: "She needs help!"
Tara: "Xander, she's strong! She said not to stop, no matter what. If we break the cycle now, it's over."

Xander: "Willow. Willow, are you okay?"
Willow: "Did it work?"
Xander: "I'm sorry."

Willow: "Xan... Xander, where - where-"
Xander: "Shh! We're using our quiet voice, Will."
Willow: "Wh-wh-where's Tara?"
Xander: "Off and running. Like we need to be. We gotta keep moving."
Willow: "Oh... right. Demons... on bikes."
Xander: "Yeah. We got trouble. Right here in Hellmouth City. And our very own robo-Buffy led them right to us."
Willow: "Buffy! The ritual! We have to go back."
Xander: "Will. I told you."
Willow: "We have to try again."
Xander: "No, we can't."
Willow: "We have to, Xander! I - she - she's waiting! She's counting on us, on, on me! I can't leave her there any more, I won't. We have to finish."
Xander: "Shh! Will... the urn of cirrhosis..."
Willow: "Osiris?"
Xander: "Yeah. It got kind of..."
Willow: "Broken. It's broken. I remember."
Xander: "So we'll find another one. Better made. Anya and I will jump back on the web-"
Willow: "There is no other one."
Xander: "Okay, we'll fix this one. A little tape, a dab of Crazy Glue."
Willow: "No. It's no use. The urn's defiled. It's gone. Nothing, it was all for nothing. Buffy's gone. She's really gone."

Spike: Here! You want me to bloody thump you? I told you to stay away from the window."
Dawn: "Who are they?"
Spike: "Hellions. Road pirates. They raid towns... use 'em up, burn 'em down. It's usually backwaters, any place... any place they think is vulnerable."
Dawn: "They know. The Slayer's gone."

Anya: "Xander."
Tara: "They're all right."
Anya: "Then where are they? Why aren't they here?"
Tara: "I don't know."
Anya: "They could be hurt. Xander could be lying somewhere broken and bleeding, calling out my name."
Tara: "Anya."
Anya: "Like that, oh god! What if, what if they're really hurt, what if they're dead?"
Tara: "They're not."
Anya: "How do you know?"
Tara: "Because he's with Willow. And if something... happened, I'd know. And so would you."
Anya: "You think?"
Tara: "I'm sure of it. They're fine. They're both fine."

Xander: "Okay, this is really starting to grate my cheese. These woods aren't that big. Now, I know we've been going straight because I've been following the North Star."
Willow: "Xander. That's not the North Star. It's an airplane."
Xander: "Nah, that's not an airplane, it's definitely... a blimp! But I can see how one... could make that airplane mistake."

Willow: "I just... that spell took a lot out of me."
Xander: "As for example, snakes? How come you didn't tell us how much-"
Willow: "No. Not now."
Xander: "What were we into back there, Will?"
Willow: "It doesn't matter anyway."
Xander: "Do not get all avoidy on me."
Willow: "I'm not avoidy, I just... we have bigger problems. Demons?"
Xander: "Demons! Ah. There's something you don't see every day. Unless you're us."

Xander: "Stay down. I'll take care of this."
Willow: "Xander, it's-"
Xander: "A bug! A big fiery bug!"
Willow: "Xander-"
Xander: "Get off! Do fireflies bite? No, they probably burn, don't they? They - yaa!"
Willow: "Xander, it's not a bug. It's Tara. Come on."
Xander: "And how long have you known that your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"

Willow: "Where's Dawn and Spike?"
Tara: "We've been calling the house, but-"
Xander: "Maybe they're on their way here. I mean, this place is NORAD, and we are at DefCon One. Okay, I so need male friends."
Willow: "We have to go out and look for them."
Xander: "There's this guy at work I kind of hit it off with. Tito. I mean, he seems like a good... you were talking about Dawn and Spike, of course."

Anya: "It's just, how are we supposed to fight these guys? I mean, we can take a vampire or two, sure, but there's a whole cavalcade of demons out there... I mean, I think this, you know... it, it takes, um... I mean, I... we need..."
Xander: "Buffy."
Anya: "Buffy."
Willow: "Buffy... is not coming back. We failed. So... we're it, gang."

Tara: "It wasn't your fault. We, we don't know if the spell would have worked, even if the demons hadn't-"
Willow: "It would have worked."
Tara: "Well... maybe..."
Willow: "What?"
Tara: "Maybe it wasn't supposed to. I mean, those demons showing up at the exact wrong time? Maybe we really were in over our heads. Invoking forces that we have no right to. Maybe the fates sent down all that destruction on us to stop us. I mean..."
Willow: "You mean, maybe it was my fault."
Tara: "No. No."

Anya: "I'm not saying we announce it this second."
Xander: "Anya!"
Anya: "Well, I think it would please them to know we're engaged. And I think Willow in particular could use a real morale-booster right now."
Xander: "Can we talk about this later?"
Anya: "Well, but it's just all the excuses for not telling everyone we're engaged are gone now. I mean, aside from hell bikers, there's nothing standing in our way. This is it. No more surprises."

Anya: "What's wrong with her?"
Willow: "Nothing! She - she's... she's in shock."
Tara: "Her hands are bleeding. Her fingers."
Anya: "Oh, she's filthy."
Xander: "Oh no."
Willow: "What?"
Xander: "No. How could we... so stupid!"
Willow: "Xander!"
Xander: "Our spell. Our resurrection spell worked like a magic charm. We brought you back to life, Buffy. Right where we left her."
Willow: "Oh god."
Xander: "In her coffin."
Tara: "She had to... dig out of her own grave."
Xander: "Buffy. Buffy, it's Xander. We're sorry. We didn't know. Buffy."
Tara: "You aren't reaching her, she's too traumatized."
Anya: "Hey, Buffy. Uh, here's some good news that might perk you right up. Uh, Xander and I have an announcement."
Xander: "Anya!"
Anya: "What? Just trying to help."
Xander: "Buffy... it's gonna be all right. We brought you back. You're home now. Yeah, that's it. You're home."

Razor: "Ah. So you got a witch in the mix."
Tara: "More than one."
Xander: "I happen to be a very powerful man-witch myself. Or... male... Is it a warlock? ...Warlock."

Dawn: "Talk to me. Say something!"
Buffy: "Is... this hell?"
Dawn: "What?"
Buffy: "Is this hell?"
Dawn: "No! Buffy, no! You're here... with me. Whatever happened to you, whatever you've been through, it's... it's over now. You're- We have to get off this tower!"
Buffy: "It was so... clear... on this spot. I remember... how... shiny... and clear everything was. But... now... now..."
Dawn: "Buffy... please... listen to me. You told me I had to be strong... and I've tried. But it's been so hard without you. I'm sorry. I promise I'll do better, I will! If you're with me. Stay with me... please. I need you to live."

Dawn: "Buffy? Buffy. You... you... you're really here. You're alive, and you're home. You're home."


The Usual
The Usual

Random Quotage:

It's time for me to act like a man. And hide.
-Xander (Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered)


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BtVS: The Score CD BtVS: The Score CD

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - The Chosen Collection (Seasons 1-7) BtVS - The Chosen Collection (Seasons 1-7)


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