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Two to Go
Two to Go

-- Quotes --

Written by Zinna

What do you do when your best friend, an ex-magic junkie, goes black-magic crazy and skins the man, who killed her lover, alive? Well, the Scoobies run because they need to get to the other two clowns (Jonathan and what’s his name) before Willow does. Xander takes a moment to hurl, the sight being quite grotesque, but Buffy keeps them moving. Xander wonders what’s the use of all this running when it is quite possible that Willow is already at the jail. Anya’s crafty new vengeance demon powers make her helpful-information-girl. She explains that witches have to go airborne when they disintegrate into flames like Willow did (Villains). It’s a flashy trick but it’s not as quick as…

Teleporting, as Anya shows us, when she gets to the jail before Willow does.

Meanwhile, Buffy and Xander are left to find their own way to the jail. Buffy figures they can make good time in Xander’s car, that is, until the find they car is immovable. It looks like monkeys came and had field day beating the car to smithereens, but it was really Willow just didn’t want to be followed. Xander wants to take moment to discuss how he can’t believe that it’s Willow doing all this stuff. Buffy doesn’t really have time for discussion. She quickly explains that they aren’t dealing with Willow (meaning that this person with Willow’s face is not exactly Willow, but is actually her rage personified or something like that. This wrathy Willow will from now on be affectionately referred to as the Willownator for the obvious reasons). Then she tells Xander that she’s got to go. She takes off running, presumably to the jail, while Xander throws a tiny fit - punching and pouting about like a little boy (well, he’s very frustrated and feeling useless on top of dealing with the fact that one of his friends is dead, another is some crazy and powerful Wicca on killing spree, and there’s not too much he can do about it).

In a jail cell, Jonathan and Andrew continue to bicker about whether or not Warren’s going to save them. Andrew being of the Warren’s going to save them mentality and Jonathan being more of the Warren would care less about anyone but himself school of reality. Soon, their argument is rendered moot when Anya appears and tells them that Warren’s dead and that’s the least of their troubles. She explains that Willownator’s bloodthirsty and she currently has a taste for sniveling idiots not too unlike themselves (Anya, also tells them about Warren shooting Tara and all that… you know everything’s that has happened since they’ve been in jail). Jonathan becomes extremely worried and helps Anya call for a guard, while Andrew spends some time mourning his love, Warren and wondering why Willow would be so pissed at them (they were in jail when Tara was killed-Warren acted alone). No one bothers to explain that even though Warren acted alone when he shot Willow’s most beloved (Buffy and Tara), that doesn’t mean they are completely absolved of their allegiance with him. Besides, it not like Willow’s going get the prize for being Miss Rational, right now.

Anyway, the guard comes to find out what all the racket is about and is shocked to find Anya in the cell. Anya quickly explains that he has to let the scrubs out because something evil is coming-something the police are not equipped to deal with. The guard may have heard pleas such as this before, it being Sunnydale and all, but maybe he’s heard this line one too many times. He does not let the boys out. Anya teleports outside of the cell to show the guard that she’s other-worldly and she means business. The guard is impressed, but not willing to make any hasty moves. Soon it doesn’t matter. Guess whose found her wrathy way to police station?

Downstairs, the Willownator begins to rip apart the concrete blocks that separate the scrubs’ cell from the outside world. Upstairs, the guard runs off (presumably to alert the other officers of the situation) telling the nimrods and Anya that they will be safe there. The boys look at Anya in horror and beg her to teleport them out of there. Anya explains that teleporting doesn’t work that way. I guess she can only teleport herself. Outside, police rush out to stop Willownator, but they are no match for her. It just takes Willownator a few flings of her wrist to knock them about until they give up trying. Once the coppers are subdued she goes back to dismantling the wall.

At the side of the station, Buffy lurks around surveying the scene unnoticed by the Willownator. She breaks in through a side entrance and runs up to the nimrods’ holding cell.

Eventually, Willow creates a large enough hole in the wall and flies up the cell to have her way with the buggers, but to her surprise the cell in empty. She sees that bars have been bent to allow passage of the scrubs. The scrubs must have escaped with Buffy’s help. Anya attempts to reason with the Willownator and for her efforts she gets blasted with Willownator’s lightening finger. Then Willownator lets out an earth-shattering scream, which sounds a lot like bat’s screaming amplified by THS surround sound.

Buffy tells the two snits that they better put their running legs on because running is their only option right now. Just then Xander comes to their rescue in a squad car. They haul ass out of there.

Later on what looks like the highway, Buffy and Xander try to figure out where they should go. Xander and the doomed twins are wondering why Willownator hasn’t already killed them with a flick of her wrist and Buffy explains that Willownator wants to kill them more than she wants them dead. I guess Willownator likes to see her prey squirm before she snaps its neck. Speaking of Willownator, she’s standing atop a hood of semi and is willing it to bump the back of the squad car. Buffy tells Xander to drive faster and he does. They put some distance between the truck and themselves but the distance doesn’t last for long. Willownator gains on them and it seriously looks like there’s no way out for the Xander, Buffy and the stupid twins. Just as all hope is lost, Willownator’s power seems to waning (Remember the whole Wrecked episode and how Willow’s powers were zapped after she used them all night? Well it seems that is what’s happening here). Soon, Willownator’s all out of magic juice, so the driver regains control of the truck and stops chasing the Scooby squad car.

Back at Spike’s pad, Clem tries to entertain Dawn. Dawn is really anxious and wants to get out and do something more useful then just staying out of trouble. So, she starts making with the puppy-dog eyes and pouty lips and sure enough Clem agrees to go with her looking for trouble, I mean, looking for someone that can help them find Willownator.

Elsewhere in Kentucky, I mean, Africa (is it?), Spike begins the first of a long night of trials. This first one involves getting his butt kicked by some ultimate fighter with blazing fists of fury. When I say blazing I mean the dude’s fists are literally on fire. Have fun, Spike!

Back in Sunnyhell, Xander and the dynamic fools go to the magic shop for reinforcements. Buffy soon follows and tells them they what they need and get gone because the Willownator’s only going to be out of juice for so long. Besides, it not like Willownator doesn’t know the first place Scoobies will run to when they are in trouble - the magic shop. After some snarks and snipes the gang plus the two bubbles of fun figure the best way to fight magic is with magic (actually Buffy tells them this). Only problem is Willownator sucked the store dry, well that is except for this one book Anya has hidden away in chest underneath the cash register the same place she retrieved the booze that got her and Spike so friendly with one another (Entropy). The book is full of really useful protection spells that are of course in some language that no one seems to be able to read. Well, maybe Jonathan can read it but Buffy and Xander don’t really trust Jonathan. So, they tell him to shut it and Shortround tends to do what he’s told. Meanwhile Xander wants to know what they plan to do if they find Willownator. Buffy doesn’t really know. All she knows is that she has to keep Willownator from killing the two Keeblers (I think this is my favorite nickname so far) because that’s a line that she cannot cross. Apparently, they are of the mindset that there’s still Willow inside Willownator to save and killing Warren was a line she could cross.

Willownator knows exactly where to go to get re-juiced. Rack, being the eerily clairvoyant that he is, is expecting her. He’s excited to exchange charges with her, because it gives him a cheap thrill. He sniffs around like a dog sniffing his captured prey. Something tells me he still thinks this is Willow. Willownator plays along until she has Rack right where she wants him. Then she beats him to the punch, sticking her hand in chest and draining all the magic energy she can from him. So much for Rack being clairvoyant.

Dawn (and Clem in tow) with her annoyingly impeccable timing finds Rack’s hideout just as Willownator’s working Rack for all he’s got. Dawn and Clem briefly discuss how uncomfortable it is for Clem to be in the magic dealer’s skuzzy hideout. Dawn decides the big baby can wait for her while she tries to pump Rack for information. Dawn, having no idea as to what has just transpired saunters right into the Rack’s private lounge, ready to face him head on. Two steps in, she is face to face with Rack’s lifeless body dangling upside down from the ceiling. He looks thoroughly trashed. This is when Dawn decides she might be in over her head, only it’s too late. Taking a second look around the room puts Dawn face to face with Willownator.

“Hey cutie,” Willownator says with a sly grin. Dawn, having a keen sense for the obvious, tells Willownator that she’s back on the majicks. Willownator corrects our little Dawnie explaining that she is the majicks. Dawnie gets a little freaked, takes a deep breath, and starts in with the reasoning. She tries to explain that Willownator’s taking things too far. She tells Willownator that she loves Tara, but magic is not the way. Willownator stopped paying attention Dawn right after the magic comment. ‘Nator’s ears perk up when she hears something about Tara. Suddenly, Willownator asks, if Dawn cried. Before Dawn can answer, Willownator answers for her saying, of course Dawn cried because she’s human. This train of thought leads Willownator to the realization that Dawn wasn’t always human. Maybe that is why Dawn’s crying and whining all the time. Dawn doesn’t belong here, says Willownator tauntingly. Willownator figures she’ll be doing all of them a favor if she turns Dawn back to her original state as a ball of energy. Just as Dawn is retorting in horror, Buffy busts through the door and tells Willownator that she needs to get away from Dawn.

Back at the magic shop, Anya complains that she‘s not cut out for translating ancient text. She’s most skilled at retail. Jonathan pops up with some useful information about the text’s origin and then Xander gets mad and tells him to go sit down. Jonathan kindly obeys and Andrew scowls at Jonathan. Andrew wants to know why Shortround’s trying to be all helpful. Shortround thinks that helping the Scoobies save their lives isn’t such a bad idea. Well, Andrew’s got a better idea. Are you ready for this? Andrew thinks they should run off and become a “Duo”. Andrew sweetens the deal by adding that Shortround can be the leader. Jonathan takes this as his cue to throw Andrew up against the wall. Shortround has had enough of Andrew’s refusal to take responsibility for their part in this whole Willownator mess and he’s certainly not in the mood for Andrew's delusional fantasies about the crime capers they can accomplish as a duo.

Xander tells the boys to play nice or he’ll stop working the spell. Andrew thinks that Xander should work on the spell for Xander’s own sake because it’s not like Willownator’s killing spree is just going to miraculously end with the Keeblers’ murders. Xander doesn’t think Willownator would hurt the Scoobies. Anya has to beg to differ because well, Willownator did try to use Xander’s car as hood ornament not too long ago. So, it’s pretty obvious that Willownator doesn’t care if Xander lives or dies. Instead of grasping onto that idea (Willownator having no regard for the Scoobies’ safety), Xander uses this opportunity to stick it to Anya in the most passive aggressive way possible. He says that finally Anya and Willownator have something in common. Anya is mildly annoyed and exclaims that she cares whether Xander lives or dies, she just doesn’t know which she’d prefer at this point. Xander wonders then if Anya plans to turn on him when Willownator comes to make trouble. Anya huffily explains that she can’t cause any harm to Xander with her vengeance powers. So, basically, Xander got away with it and there isn’t anything that Anya can do. Xander points out that her and Spike’s table waxing demonstration (Entropy) wasn’t exactly his idea of fun. Anya is about ready to smack Xander in the head (and I am too!), but she restrains herself. She tells him that what she did with Spike was not vengeance it was solace. Finally, that shuts Xander up.

Back at Rack’s pad, Buffy grabs Dawn and tells her to run out. Willownator wills all the doors shut so that the girls are trapped. Buffy tries with her reasoning bit which just launches Willownator into this whole self-loathing soliloquy about how Willow (Willownator’s former self) was a big loser, a big useless loser, that got picked on and shoved around her whole life. According to Willownator, the only thing Willow was good for was attracting Tara…because in those moments (just those moments) when Tara looked at Willow, Willow was wonderful. Needless to say that’s never going to happen again so really there’s nothing left that Willow’s good for. Buffy tries to her “life’s worth living” pitch and Willownator finds it a little ironic that Buffy’s trying to convince Willownator that life is great considering Buffy’s spent the recent months hating the fact that she’s not dead, so much so that she slept with Souless McSouless pants (I’m really feeling the nicknames folks, I apologize) just to feel something. Buffy doesn’t really have comeback other than she no longer hates living, but by this time Willownator’s done making conversation.

She uses her new Rack superpowers to zap herself along with Buffy and Dawn to the magic shop. The transport makes Buffy and Dawn weak. They collapse, while Willownator bolts some lighting pain on the Keeblers. Oddly, enough the Keeblers remain unharmed regardless of Willownator’s zapping. Apparently, someone got the protection spell to work. Willownator figures she can continue zapping the Keebs until her zapping works. After some three tries she decides to take a different approach. Willownator majicks herself up so that she will have the power, strength and agility to pummel the Keebs to death. Buffy regains some of her strength and stands in Willownator’s way, claiming that she doesn’t want to resort to violence. Willownator sends Buffy flying with a solid punch to her mid-section. Buffy recovers immediately, jumping up and knocking Willownator on her butt.

Xander gets the Keebs (you should know that both Keebs have swords - they picked them up when Willownator started with the whole lightening bit) and Dawn together so they can make a run for it. Xander tries to get Anya, who has been hiding behind a curtain chanting protection spells for the past who knows how long, but Anya refuses. She has to stay to block Willownator’s spells. Dawn is a little reluctant to leave as well because well it seems as though Willownator and Buffyikins are pretty evenly matched. Xander grabs Dawnie and tells her that Buffyikins can handle Willownator (I, mean Buffy did take down Faith, another slayer, and Glory, a god, for gawd’s sakes) and they all flee.

Meanwhile, Willownator and Buffyikins face off. You can tell that Buffy really doesn’t want to fight Willownator, but she has to show Willownator who is boss. Willownator thinks that Buffy needs every square inch of her ass kicked and thus, begins the ass kicking. Back and forth the girls throw each other about like it’s the new dance craze. The hustle and bustle land Willownator flat on her arse staring right at Anya, chantress of the night. Poor Anya. Willownator gets up deciding that she’s been pummeling the wrong girl. Buffy makes a last ditch effort to lunge at Willownator, but ‘Nator uses Buffy’s force against her, sending Buffy hard into a table.

Willownator redirects her attention to Anya and Anya continues chanting until Willownator has Anya in her grasp. Then Anya takes a break to scream at Buffy (lying unconscious on the floor) for help. Then Willownator uses more lightening to zap the hell out of Anya. Just as it seems that Willownator’s going to be able to go after the Scoobies and Keeblers, Buffy wakes and is ready to start an all new girl power brawl. Willownator returns Buffy to her comfy spot on the floor, while explaining that she now realizes being a slayer isn’t about violence, it’s about power and since she’s bested the slayer, there isn’t anyone who has the power to stop Willownator now. Just then the heavens align and my dreams come true, someone in the shadow of the doorway sends an electrifying blow that knocks little Miss I’m-Better-Than-The-Slayer right of her feet. Willownator tries to get up and make snarky remarks at Giles (yes my hero GILES!!!!) but he wills her sit her stupid little butt down (puts her down with the movement of his fingers like he’s a Jedi or something) (Oh I could have kissed him)!!!!!! YAHHHHH!!!! GILES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ALL MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and in Africa or whatever, Spike killed the dude with flaming fists or whatever, so he’s on to his next trial or something like that. Whatever, Giles is BACK!


The Usual
The Usual

Random Quotage:

What's this? Sitting around watching the telly while there's evil still a foot. That's not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can't go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her! She is the Chosen One after all. — Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate them. For justice - and for - the safety of puppies — and Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! - Let's kill something! Oh, come on!
-Spike (Doomed)


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BtVS: The Score CD BtVS: The Score CD

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - The Chosen Collection (Seasons 1-7) BtVS - The Chosen Collection (Seasons 1-7)


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