-- Quotes --
Written by Zinna
What's the best way to kill a vampire? Stake through the heart. That's what I thought too, though I never thought to chase vampires with a pole-size stake protruding from my ATV (not that I have a ATV). I guess that's why I'm not tempted to refer to by myself as dumb, dumb, and dumber, which is not the case for Andrew, Jonathan and Warren. Judging from the stunt they attempt to pull at the beginning of this episode, I can say it's a well-earned title. ATV's are not the easiest things to maneuver and even if you happen to stab a vamp, considering the height of the ATV, it's doubtful you'll catch the vamp in heart. Apparently the vamps found this chase to be a little less than menacing. In fact, one vamp decides to stop running from them, gets a branch and pushes one the troika off his vehicle. This causes the other two to lose control of their vehicles and down all three go. Meanwhile the vamps get away, that is until Buffy catches them outside the cemetery.
Don't worry, Buffy is not working with or for the trio. She has no idea that those jerks are even involved. She just sees some vamps high-tailing it out of the cemetery and gets to work. Of course, you may be asking what would the trio want with some stinky vamps? Beats me, but one of the vamps had a disk, which to seemed to be of great interest to the three dorks. As Buffy struggles with one of the vamps and Spike holds the other by his neck (there were two to begin with), Warren sneaks up and grabs the disk without anyone, including Buffy, noticing.
So now you're wondering why is Spike Mister-help-Buffy-patrol-even-though-she-broke-up-with-him guy. Well, he's not exactly helping. As I said, he holds one vamp while Buffy works on the other. As she struggles, Spike offers a proposition: he'll take care of the vamp if Buffy tells her friends about them. Buffy refuses to tell her friends about Spike, but she makes it clear that she is not apprehensive about Spike taking the matter up with them himself. See, Buffy has this new found confidence in her friend's ability to forgive her, especially none of them is holding a grudge against Buffy for trying to kill them (Normal Again). Surely, if you can forgive someone for trying to kill you, I'm sure you can handle it if that same someone had been sneaking around with an unsavory vampire behind your back for a few weeks (I know I could). Spike has a hard time with Buffy's logic. If she's not worried about her friends finding out, then why won't she sleep with him anymore? Buffy stakes the other vamp (you know the one Spike was holding while they had their little chat) and then tells Spike plainly and simply she is not sleeping with him because she does not love him.
The following day, Willow meets up with Tara after her class (presumably the same class where Willow spied Tara kissing the infamous other woman - Normal Again - as well). Willow asks if Tara is alright after you know, the whole Buffy trying to kill everyone thing. Tara assures Willow that she's fine. Tara also explains that she noticed Willow tried to meet up with her before, but Willow ran off and before Tara could introduce her to her friend. That's right, the other woman was just a friend. Willow is very pleased. So pleased in fact, she asks Tara if Tara would like to get some coffee with her sometime. Willow says that Tara can bring her friend if she wants. Tara says that she does not have a friend that she would want to bring along, which is good because Willow doesn't have any others she would like to invite.
Meanwhile Buffy tries to make up for trying to you-know-what Dawn by taking her shopping. Only they can't go into any of the shops. I guess when Buffy made Dawn take back all of the stolen loot, the stores banned Dawn from showing her face again. As a last resort Buffy suggests they go to pet store. Dawn isn't exactly too keen on this idea - she's getting too old for such things.
In the lair of evil and mayhem, I mean, the basement of the vacant house Buffy's arch nemiseses rented, Jonathan is making some elaborate potion with a very fancy chemistry set. Warren comes by to check on him and Jonathan has less than fond greetings for him. Warren tells him not to worry since whatever Jonathan's doing is going to allow them to score some major dough (Warren says Jonathan aka "Short Round" could buy an island with his share). Jonathan grumbles and indicates that once they've completed whatever mayhem they're cooking up, he wants to go his separate way. Warren doesn't really care what Jonathan wants. In fact, we see Warren talking to Andrew under his breath. Andrew says he feels sorry for Jonathan (they're probably planning to do something nasty to him), then Andrew changes his tune, saying he doesn't trust Jonathan. Warren says it doesn't matter because they won't have to trust him for long.
Xander returns home to find a "ducky" Anya waiting. Right away, he tries to explain how much he wants to make up for being such a big giant asshole and for hurting her so so very much. Anya's pretty receptive for a jilted lover. She seems willing to take him back as long as he's ready to get married. Xander's willing to admit that he loves Anya and is dying without her, but he's still not ready to get married yet. This is not an acceptable answer for Anya. She blows up at him and starts yelling at him. Finally, she turns away from him and says she wishes Xander were never born. She's serious because when she says it she dons her Anyanka face (D'Hoffryn must have restored her powers after the whole wedding debacle - Hell's Bells).
Just think, if Anyanka's curse worked we would see a world with no Xander and Buffy would be for real dead without Xander there to save her when the Master drowned her (Prophecy Girl). Fortunately we don't get to visit this reality because Anya forgot vengeance demons cannot grant their own wishes.
Anya is so clouded by her emotions that she needs Halfrek to tell her that she can't curse people to exact vengeance for herself. Good thing she has Halfrek because it's Halfrek that suggests getting around this rule by finding someone else to make a wish for her.
Buffy's opened an International House of Pancakes in her kitchen, well, actually she just woke up early to make Dawn a lot of pancakes. Without Spike making her into a selfish guilt-ball Buffy's become quite the mom. Dawn didn't even know that syrups have kinds - it's been a while someone made her breakfast. Dawn assumes Buffy's become all June Cleaver because she feels guilty. Buffy may feel guilty but this isn't what's driving her new found desire to fuss over Dawn. Dawn tries to let Buffy off the hook by letting her know that she's completely okay with Buffy trying to you know (I just can't keep writing it). Buffy assures Dawn that she really just wants to spend more time with her. Dawn is happy to spend time, it's all she's ever wanted, but instead of hanging out a home with a pizza and a movie Dawn wants to go with Buffy patrolling. Buffy says no way on account that Dawn's only 1˝ years old or at least that what's Buffy argues when Dawn says that Buffy was patrolling when she was Dawn's age. In the end, Buffy puts her fashionable high-heeled boot down - their sister quality-time will not be spent patrolling.
Meanwhile, Willow and Tara have coffee. Willow's having a great time filling Tara in on all the Scooby misadventures since Tara's been living the non-Scooby life. Their conversation would have probably led to how they both are dying to get back together except Anya interrupts them, claiming to need comfort. Really, Anya spends the entire time trying to get Willow and Tara to wish Xander's brains and guts would explode or something comparable. Of course, Anya can't just come out and say they should make a wish for her. So Anya tries to get them riled up at him because he's a man and they are lesbians (Hey! Anya's been through a lot she's not thinking very clearly). Needless to say, the lesbians don't offer much in way of Xander-hating wishes, which frustrates Anya to no end. Anya tries this same routine with Dawn and Buffy but they aren't much help either (Dawn remembers Buffy's birthday and is very careful not to wish for anything. Buffy seems to know what Anya's trying to get her to do and she thinks that Xander's already suffering enough).
Xander walks up just as Buffy's trying to console Anya. Anya angrily tells him that she hopes he's happy because all his friends still love him even after what he did to her, and then she storms off. Xander makes an attempt to follow her, but Buffy stops him. Buffy thinks Xander should let Anya cool off. Angry Xander kicks the crap out of creepy little ceramic troll on Buffy's lawn. Funny thing though, Buffy had no idea where the troll-guy came from. Turns out there is a camera inside. Xander thinks Spike planted it. Shudder! Gasp! It must be true because Xander's so unbiased when it comes to Spike.
Buffy goes to Spike with the camera, asking him to explain. Spike is a little indignant. He expected Buffy to know him better than that - he would never hurt her. He thought he'd proved that a million times over. He doesn't understand why Buffy won't believe his love for her is real. Buffy believes his love is real, but only real for him. She tells him he has to get over her. He tells her to get out.
Later that night (at the Magic Box) Anya talks to Halfrek about her failure to get a wish from Xander's friends. Halfrek isn't surprised; she tells Anya that she needs to get a wish from someone who doesn't love Xander.
Shudder! Gasp! Guess who strolls in the shop just as Anya says she can't think of anyone who doesn't love Xander? That's right - Spike, walks in with a big I hate Xander t-shirt on (Well it's really just a shirt but he hates Xander all the same).
Good thing Halfrek's there because Anya's really rusty with this whole vengeance thing. She is delighted to see Spike but realizes he's a man. She doesn't traditionally grant wishes for men. This is where Halfrek comes in handy - she opens Anya's eyes to the fact that men need a little vengeance too. She leaves Anya alone with Spike to get his wish.
Back at the house, Willow is tapping into the relay of the do-hicky thing through her computer in an effort to track the signal from the camera to its source. Buffy sits and waits for Willow to give her something to work with, while Xander speculates - if it isn't Spike then it must be the trio (Warren, Jonathan and that other guy... what's-his-name). Willow says it make sense that the trio would be behind it.
Meanwhile Jonathan has made some of sort of breakthrough with his chemistry experiment. Apparently the chemical solution and the disk allows Jonathan to shine a ray on a precise spot of map. The other two are very pleased to know exactly where they need to go. Only problem is the ray sets the map on fire. Oh well, what's a little fire among evil villains.
In the Magic shop, Spike asks for something, a spell of sorts that will ease the pain of his heartache. Anya offers him a big bottle of booze. They begin to chat as they share the bottle of whiskey. Spike goes on and on about a girl, who shall remain nameless, who tells him that its real for him (Can you believe that?!). Anya moves on to Xander. She explains that no one seems to care that he hurt her. Spike says he cares. What Xander did to her was low, lower than an evil soulless thing like Spike would ever go. Anya asks if Spike wishes Xander could pay in some evil horrible way. Spike says that he does, but he doesn't make a wish. He tells Anya to make the wish since she's the wronged party. He pours more drinks.
The little boys put out the fire with Jonathan's blanket.
A few drinks later, Anya blathers on about how she didn't ask to be human or in love with Xander. Initially, she just wanted to use him and lose him (she hadn't had a good tumble in 1,000 years). Spike can relate as he felt the same way about his pet. You know, because neither one of them meant to fall for their respective heartbreakers, but how could they help themselves. Xander is bumpy in all the right places and really nice while Spike's nameless ex made him feel like he never felt before.
At the Summers' house, Willow's having some trouble getting through the booby traps protecting the source of the cameras. Willow, however, is able to pick up something, just as Anya and Spike pick up the glasses in a toast, "Screw 'em!"
By this time, Spike and Anya are pretty drunk. They continue with their pity party/smack talkin' fest. Anya's talking about how she did everything for Xander and Spike is being pissed that the Scoobies give him no credit for the all the times he's saved them. The two go on to discuss how they can barely stand the Scoobies because there are too nice and none of them will ever say what's on their minds… except for Anya. Anya always says what's on her mind and that's what Spike admires about her. In fact, it's the reason why he would not bite Anya if given the chance. Anya thinks this is really sweet of Spike to say.
Willow finds camera feeds at the Palace, the Bronze, Willow's classes on campus, Xander's construction site, and she thinks there's more.
Spike offers Anya the last the shot of whiskey. Anya thanks him for being there and listening to her and saying nice things. Spike was happy to oblige. For a minute as Anya is trying to be really sincere, she confides in Spike the thing that's been eating away at her since Xander left her at the alter - maybe Xander never wanted her like she wanted him. Spike looks her in the eye and tells her that Xander would have to be deaf, dumb, and blind to not want a woman like her. For moment, Anya feels comforted. Suddenly they both start to feel each other's lips. Anya asks what they are doing and Spike replies they moving on. It make sense to Anya so she continues to give way to passion of the moment, the ecstasy of not having to feel sorry for herself (kind of like a certain slayer we all know and love). After a few moments, Anya stops the smooch fest to make it clear to Spike that she's just getting it on with him because she's drunk, lonely and he smells really good. Spike always liked for a girl to be up front. Now with that out of the way, they clear the table so they can do more things besides kissing (things that would require removing clothes).
Just as the two lushes get sloppy on top of each other, Willow taps into the feed coming from the camera at the Magic Box. Shocked at the sight of Anya and Spike groping each other under their clothes, Willow jumps up from computer, which gets Buffy and Xander's attention. They walk over to Willow's side of the table to see what's so shocking. Willow tries to tell Xander to stay where he is, but she's too late. Both Xander and Buffy are deeply affected by the sight. Dawn arrives suddenly and catches a glimpse of the show. She also notices Buffy storm out to the back yard after claiming to have had enough. Xander is livid by this point and storms off in the direction of Buffy's weapons chest (the one he made for Buffy's birthday). Willow tries to stop the image feed since everyone's so upset. Once she's done she notices everyone's left the room.
At the lair of evil wankers, an alarm sounds, alerting Warren and his twits that someone's hacking in on their feeds. The three rush over to their computers and begin to shut their surveillance equipment down. They come upon the Magic Box camera and are amazed and delighted by the show. So delighted in fact, they don't bother to shut down feed in favor of watching. You might want to note that Andrew's more impressed with Spike than Anya.
In the Summer's back yard, Dawn confronts Buffy about Spike. Dawn's pretty intuitive. Buffy admits that she's been doing the deed with Spike, but then makes it clear that it's over. Dawn just says that she wishes Buffy would have told her. Dawn knows that it must have been hard to keep this secret from them. Buffy explains that she didn't tell anyone because she didn't really want to admit it to herself. Dawn gets that. Willow bursts in on the sisters bonding to inform Buffy that Xander's gone and he took Buffy's ax.
Once the deed is done, the two wronged parties untangle themselves and redress in a shameful manner. Spike thinks it best he leaves, so he ducks out. Good thing too, because just as he's ducking out Xander's swinging an ax at his head. Xander misses and buries the ax deep in the door jam. Xander can't get the ax out of the door so he resorts to his fists. Spike takes his lumps while Xander taunts him to fight back. Spike says he can't fight because of the chip. Xander thinks that's too bad because he's got a stake with Spike's name on it. Just as he's about to dust Spike, Anya runs out of the shop to stop him. Buffy simultaneously arrives and stops Xander from pushing the stake through Spike's heart.
Face to face with Anya, Xander turns his pain and anguish on her. He tells her he saw everything. Anya's really miffed at how such a thing was possible. Xander starts to rip into Anya for doing such a lowly thing (in Xander's eyes). Anya remembers that she is in fact the wronged party and shouts at Xander that she doesn't owe him anything. Xander was the one that left her, hurt her. Xander is too busy being sickened that she let that evil soulless thing touch her to notice that she has point.
Spike says that he was good enough for Buffy. Xander starts to tell him to leave Buffy out of it, but the look on Buffy's face tells him that Spike definitely has point. With the cat really out of the bag, Xander's too freaked to deal, so he runs off, not wanting to know any more about it.
Buffy's work is done. She walks away, unable to stand Spike any longer.
Once Xander and Buffy are gone, Spike is finally ready to make a wish, but Anya stops him. I guess Anya figures she's caused enough pain for Xander.
Meanwhile, Tara arrives at Willow bedroom door with a well prepared speech about the long important process of building trust in their relationship again before they can get back together. Tara's speech, however, has a punch line - can't the two just skip the process and Willow kiss Tara right then and there. Willow, who was on the edge of her seat since Tara entered the room runs lips first into Tara's face. The two engage in a ferociously passionate kiss (I think that kisses would be more accurate). It really looks like the two have been waiting to kiss each other all of their lives (Yah! Willow and Tara).