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Conversations with Dead People
Conversations with Dead People

-- Quotes --

Written by Zinna

November 12, 2002 8:01pm

A band queues up their instruments - getting ready to perform for the Bronze's lively patronage. As the singer (Angie Hart) begins her song ("Blue"), Buffy roams the cemetery.

A flash back to the Bronze shows Spike drowning his sorrows at the bar.

Elsewhere in the UC Sunnydale's magnificent library, Willow spaces out, presumably taking a break from a long night of studying.

Dawn returns from who knows what - it is too late for her to have just come from school - to find a note and some money from Buffy explaining that she and Willow will be out late and Dawn is to get her own dinner. The note clearly instructs that Dawn's choice of food should not be pizza.

If you haven't guessed, we're knee deep in a montage (hence the song) and it ends as it began with Buffy in the cemetery. She stops at a fresh grave, a hand pops out and she sighs, "Here we go." (the first speaking line of the night).

Now, the conversations can begin. The first starts with those lovable, I mean, pesky outlaws, Andrew and Jonathan. They are in truck, driving back to Sunnydale from Mexico. Apparently they have intel that something horrible is happening in Sunnydale. So, they've decided to atone for their past transgressions by coming to Sunnydale and stopping it. They have some sort of plan. Even though they are scared of the consequences of said plan, they decide they can't stay in Mexico because they've both been experiencing unbearable nightmares about a thing that will eat you starting with your bottom. You know what that is…

Buffy pulls the fresh vamp out his grave they get on with the pummeling, while Dawn is at home singing (something like: Anchovies! Anchovies! You're so delicious… I like you better than all the other fishes) to the anchovies on her pizza. Since big sis is away, Dawn decides to play. To keep herself amused, she dances around holding Buffy's shirt in front of her (she gets pizza goo on it but doesn't worry about it, thinking Buffy will assume it's blood), swings the weapons about, shoots Buffy's crossbow and lands a metal arrow in the wall which results in her pulling out a big chunk of wall along with the arrow. Never fear, Dawn hides the hole behind a big houseplant. Ah, that Dawn… she's so clever. Bored with the weapons, Dawn wanders back into the kitchen, where she listens to some fiesta music, which leads to more dancing and then she puts a marshmallow in the microwave to watch it implode. She seems to be having a really good time, but we know something's up because suddenly there's big THUMP!

Speaking of good times, Willow's having the time of her life, I mean she's trying to stay awake as she completes her research or whatever school work she's supposed to be doing. Soon, she realizes she's not alone. Cassie (from Help) pops over to say hi and check out the library. Willow's like, "Hey, don't I know you? I saw your picture. Aren't you dead?" Cassie nods. So, Willow figures she's actually fallen asleep. Cassie assures Willow that she, Cassie, is indeed there and Willow is not dreaming. Cassie sits down and explains that "she" (Tara) asked her (Cassie) to come talk to Willow. Willow is skeptical at first until Cassie tells her that Tara still sings to Willow even though Willow can't hear it. Then she asks Willow if she remembers when Tara sang to her on the bridge that time (when the town was bitten by a song bug - Once More, With Feeling). This reference really pulls at Willow's heartstrings, her eyes water and she says, "Tara?"

Back at the hizzy, Dawn's mastering the fine art of teenage multi-tasking, which includes talking on the phone with Kit (she was in Lessons), eating marshmallowy goodness, and watching some black and white horror film on the tube. Then there's another THUMP! Dawn mutes the TV to hear it better and it happens again. Dawn heads to door to investigate. As if on cue, the door bursts open just as Dawn reaches it. Wind shoots through the door and Dawn wonders if there's a storm as she shouts into the phone hoping this kind of crazy stuff is happening to her friend as well. Not bloody likely. Suddenly she notices the TV is no longer muted. She runs over and tries to turn it off, the buttons aren't responding so she unplugs it. It's still on and that pretty much seals it for Dawn. She realizes something evil is afoot, so she goes for the axe and bashes the television in, but then she realizes that all the other appliances in the living room and kitchen are running too. In the kitchen the microwave is exploding and the radio is picking up a greeting from DJ Jazzy Joyce or someone sounding like the late Joyce Summers. Dawn's fear turns to hope and she asks the disturbance if it is indeed her, "Mommy?"

Meanwhile over at that graveyard, Buffy and fresh vamp are beating each other up until vampie realizes it's Buffy. You're maybe thinking he's quivering with fear because he recognizes it's the slayer. Nope. Turns out it's good 'ol Holden "Webs" Webster from Buffy's European History class at Hellmouth High. Don't remember him? Don't feel bad because Buffy's drawing a blank as well, that is until Webs reminds her of time he dropped a lighting board on her foot when she was helping him set up for Hellmouth High's spring production of Pippin (Don't remember that? Oh well, Buffy does). Anyways, Buffy wonders what old Webs has been doing with himself. Well, he goes (or went) to Dartmouth and majors in psychology. In his free time he enjoys practicing Tae Kwan Do. So, what the hell is he doing in Sunnydale? He took a year off to intern at the Sunnydale Mental Hospital (hey, they don't get any loonier than Sunnydale). Buffy skips the recap of the last couple of seasons and just explains that all these years she's been slaying. She's the slayer. Webs find this to be very intriguing. See, he always thought she was mysterious. She was never around in high school. He had heard rumors about her dating some really old guy (Angel), and Scott Hope (a boy Buffy dated to get over the whole having to kill Angel thing in season 3) said she was gay. Turns out, Scott Hope says that about every girl he breaks up with. So, of course it was no surprise when he came out last year. Buffy seems a little miffed that the one normal guy she ever dated, or had on crush on, turns out to be gay. She makes a comment about her ability to pick Mr. Rights and Webs, pop-psych guy that he is, picks up on this and another statement Buffy made when he said he enjoyed be connected to big evil that's coming to devour everyone from beneath everybody (Buffy replied that she was not so connected). Suddenly, Webs feels her not-so-connected statement is very telling statement.

As Buffy tries to defend herself against being psycho-analyzed. Dawn tries to call Buffy on her cell phone, but the cell phone fell out of Buffy's pocket when she was fighting Webs. So, of course Buffy doesn't hear it. Dawn yells at the phone in frustration and then when she realizes Buffy isn't going to pick up she starts yelling at the radio. In Dawn's periphery and in my plain view, Joyce's corpse appears, splayed out on the couch, just as she was when she died except this time Joyce's pupils are white. Dawn slowly turns around to face the couch and there's nothing there. The lights go out and then flick back on. Dawn looks around to see all the furniture in the adjacent areas has been rearranged in precarious manners (chairs on the tables and stuff like that). On the wall in blood or red paint (it looks too red to be blood but I think it's supposed to be blood) it says "Mother's milk is red today." Then the thumping starts up until Dawn screams at the top of her lungs! Thumper stops for second and Dawn figures the thumping must be someone's effort, maybe her mom's effort to communicate with her. So she tells Thumper to thump once for yes and twice for no. Dawn asks thumper if she is her mother and thumper thumps once. Then she asks her mom (aka Thumper) if she's ok (2 thumps) and if she is alone (2 thumps). Then house quakes, the wind rages, and the lights go out.

At Hellmouth High, Andrew and Jonathan mission impossible (by this I mean they propel themselves using a tether and grappling hook into the school from a skylight or something) themselves into school's library. As they poke about the halls, trying to find something, they decide that maybe they should abort their mission in favor of just alerting Buffy about what they know and letting her deal with it. Then they realize Buffy won't believe them unless they have proof and the only way they're going to get proof is if they complete the plan. Besides, if they thwart some big evil's plans then maybe Buffy will let them join the Scoobies and hang out at her house. The prospect of hanging out with Buffy sounds very appealing, so appealing that it sort of acts as a motivation for Jonathan to see this plan of theirs through. Andrew, on the other hand, has a different motivation… as soon as Jonathan is out of sight, Warren appears to provide Andrew with moral support. Apparently, Warren and Andrew have an alternate plan that they haven't let Shortround in on (which is easy since Jonathan doesn't even know Warren is around; Warren being dead and all), but as usual Jonathan's role is pivotal in the plan's success.

Back UC Sunnydale's library, Willow is close to tears as Cassie explains that Tara couldn't come herself because of what Willow did. Apparently it's against the rules for dead lovers to visit their beloved if said beloved avenged said dead lover's death by flaying said dead (it rhymes) lover's killer or so this Cassie chick says. Willow then tells Tara via Cassie that she misses Tara so much and it hurts so much and it so hard to be with out her. It's like there's this giant hole is in Willow's soul. Cassie says that it will get smaller and Willow will be able to handle it because she's strong like an Amazon. Again, the reference (Tara used to say this to Willow) tugs ever so gently at Willow's vulnerable heartstrings, so much so she has to take an exasperated breath.

An attractive young woman joins Spike at the bar. He is appreciative of her company.

At the shrink's office, I mean the cemetery, Buffy is lying down on someone's grave stone as if she were lying on shrink's couch, talking to Webs about her past relationship traumas. After Buffy explains her tendency to choose romantic relationships that are doomed to fail, Webs wonders if she does this on purpose to protect herself. If it's to protect herself from sexual violence, heartbreak, and possible death then Buffy is sure she hasn't been trying to protect herself in this way, but Webs was referring to commitment. Maybe Buffy's a bit of a commitment-phobe? "No," says Buffy as she jumps up. She's commit-o-gal, if ever there was one, right? Webs notices her defensiveness and takes this to mean he's hit the nail on the head. He tells Buffy that she seems to be in a lot of pain. Maybe, she should give herself a break and stop acting like she's got the patent on bad relationships. Everyone has their relationship issues. Besides, all this talk has helped Webs to work an appetite for more fighting and less analyzing. In fact, Webs is excited to get the fight show on the road. Buffy isn't so excited. Why? Because she knows she is going to win. Webs can't help but wonder if Buffy's confidence doesn't scream superiority complex. So, he asks out of curiosity, who does Buffy blame for her parent's divorce. Now, Buffy just thinks that's crazy troll logic (umm and so do I). Buffy sits back down to explain that it was her father's fault. He cheated or at least Buffy thinks he did. Webs is sure this initial betrayal by her father has probably led Buffy to believe deep-down that none of these guys she gets with are worth it. Maybe Buffy thinks these guys are beneath her. No, no, if only Webs only knew how bad Buffy's been (if only he had tuned in last season). If only he knew how mean she was to her last boyfriend. If only he knew that she behaved like a monster while at the same time letting him (Spike) take her over completely, letting him do things (you know like bone her)… of course, all this opening up has Buffy crying and Webs uses her blurry eyes to his advantage. He hits her from behind with a little but seemingly heavy Virgin Mary statue. The fight show is officially on the road!

At home, Dawn is having a showdown of her own. The lights keep going on and off. Each time a flash of light comes on Dawn can see her mother on the couch reaching out to Dawn while being strangled by a black figure. It's very freaky. Dawn starts to look for the axe but just as she bends down to get it an invisible creature tries to behead her with it. She scrambles out of its way and runs towards the door that has just burst open for a second time. A demonic voice tells Dawn to GET OUT! Suddenly it dawns on Dawn that the voice wants her to leave. She closes the door and tells Mr. Evil that she's not leaving him with her mother.

Meanwhile at Hellmouth High, Jonathan and Andrew navigate the basement looking for a special room. Andrew suddenly figures out where the room is (the same room Spike was hanging out in Lessons) because he can see Warren standing in front of the door. Jonathan sees nothing.

Buffy and Webs' fight show ends up in the church. They exchange the usual fight banter until Webs deduces that Buffy's last relationship must have been with a vampire. Once again, Buffy feels the need to explain herself…

Spike walks his attractive bar companion home.

Cassie tells Willow that she came with a purpose. Tara wanted Cassie to warn Willow. Tara has seen Willow's path and it doesn't look good, but everything will be okay if Willow completely refrains from using magic. Willow finds this request overwhelming. She quickly cites Giles, who knows best, as saying that it would be impossible for Willow stop using magic now. Willow doesn't think she's strong enough to do something like that. Cassie says that if Willow doesn't stop completely, she (Willow) will kill everyone.

Back at Hellmouth High's basement, Jonathan and Andrew are digging up something. Jonathan is suddenly attacked by bad case of nostalgia. He starts to ramble on about he misses everyone from high school and how he wants to get touch with all of them and see what they are up to. Andrew makes no bones about pointing out that he bets no one from high school is interested in what Jonathan's been up to. This doesn't deter Jonathan. He still feels giddy with the prospect of seeing old acquaintances (because if I remember correctly he didn't really have any friends). Once they finish digging, they find in the ground a huge round metal marker (as in placeholder?) thing with a horned demon like the devil or something in the center of pentagram. It's obviously some evil portal or something.

Dawn on other hand, grew a pair or borrowed them from Xander (he hasn't been using them) and decides she's going to cast her evil demon/poltergeist thing out of her house (as opposed to revealing a portal thingy) and away from her mother's spirit all by her lonesome. She gathers materials and begins a casting out spell. The spell must have some power because the shadow demon gets all mad and slashes Dawn's pretty little cheek. Then it slams her body up against the wall. She remains steadfast and continues her spell, but this time shouting so as not to lose her nerve. Wind begins to whirl around the house, causing the windows to shatter and all kinds of other expensive damage to the house.

Meanwhile, Buffy continues to explain the phenomenon of vampires who love too much and the slayers that love them. Let me break it down (just in case you didn't watch last season and want to know what Buffy says to Webs): the twisted thing about B and S's tryst is that Buffy knew that in his own vampire way Spike really genuinely cared of her. Problem with that is Buffy didn't want to be loved. She wanted to be punished, hurt, like she thought she deserved (Like she deserved? What did she do that was so bad? I guess she's all guilt-ridden for wanting to die when it was clear that the world couldn't go on without her or so Willow and her friends thought). Anyway, so that's why she let Spike take her to her dark place or so she says. Anyway, her dark place mostly consisted of self-pity, I mean, self-loathing. For this reason, she feels like she's worse than anyone, her friends, her boyfriends. It's like she's beneath them, but at the same time Buffy sometime feels like she is above them (her boyfriends, her friends), because even though they love her they can never know (understand) what she's been through or what it's like to be a slayer (though I think it's safe to say Angel probably had some idea what it's like to be a slayer since he had the whole self-pity responsibility of power thing going for him too and he like stalked her every minute so he saw her transformation first hand. Maybe that's why he's the only one she's ever really loved). In that respect, she will always be alone. Webs finds it pretty amusing that Buffy has a inferiority complex about her superiority complex. He also that thinks that it's pretty normal for Buffy to feel alone. Everyone is alone in some respect. Buffy understands this but it still hurts, blah, blah, blah.

At the Summer's house, Dawn is raging against the demon (whose raging back) with her casting spell. The demon keeps hitting her with what it's got until the casting spell works and the evil explodes into oblivion… (it's not quite clear but all the wind and rage stop). Suddenly, Joyce appears dressed in white and she's absolutely radiant, I mean literally radiant. Joyce is glowing, she's illuminating.

Well that's fine what about Willow, you ask, oh she's has her own problems. Willow's still freaking out about having to stop using magic (because it's impossible for her) and she keeps telling Cassie that she's not going to be able to do it. So, Cassie supplies another option. Cassie says there is something that Willow can do that will allow her to be with her beloved Tara again. Willow is all ears until it becomes clear that Cassie is implying that Willow commit suicide. Suddenly, Willow knows that nothing associated with Tara would ask her to do that. The gig is up and Willow wants to know who is this Cassie imposter! So, Willow asks her…

At that moment, Buffy is asking Webs to keep all her talk about Spike between them (which doesn't make sense since she's going to kill him) and Webs is like, "Wait, You were with Spike?! He's the one that sired me."

Meanwhile, Spike and his companion make it back to her house. Things look cozy, she may ask him up or she would if he hadn't drained her of all her blood. Yes, Spike's feeding again!

Elsewhere, Joyce tells Dawn that she loves Dawn and Buffy, but Dawn should know that things, evil things are coming. And what Dawn must remember is that when it gets bad Buffy won't choose Dawn. Buffy will be against little Dawnie.

Speaking of evil things… guess what's happening in Hellmouth High's basement wonderland: Andrew shoves a sharp object (knife) into Jonathan's gut. And that's the end of Shortround. Ohh…

And in the UC Sunnydale library, Cassie figures that she went to far with suicide thing and pretty much indicates that she's not Cassie but rather evil, or at least really mean. She teases Willow about her giant hole metaphor and then she tells Willow that she doesn't know hurt. Last year will seem like a piece of cake by the time Cassie or Evil (as I like to call her now) gets through with her and her friends. See, Evil has had it with the whole mortal coil and she (he? it?) is not a fan of easy death. To this Willow says, "From beneath you it devours." But Evil is all like, "Not it, ME." Then Cassie's head sort opens at her mouth and the inside sucks up the rest of the body until all of sudden nothing's there. Yuk!

That's it for the conversations… we're back to an outro montage with the same song from the beginning consisting of:

Jonathan bleeding to death all over the evil pentagram thing;

Dawn sitting in the ruins that were her living room, contemplating her mother's warning;

Spike marveling at his kill; and

Buffy staking her vamp (Webs).


The Usual
The Usual

Random Quotage:

This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
No. When you kiss me I wanna die.
-Angel and Buffy (Reptile Boy)


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BtVS: The Score CD BtVS: The Score CD

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - The Chosen Collection (Seasons 1-7) BtVS - The Chosen Collection (Seasons 1-7)


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